Page 63 of Sawyer
“Seesaw!”Noah yells and starts to giggle, which makes me smile.
Sawyer looks up immediately, pocketing his cell, his grin as wide as mine.“Hey, buddy.”
Noah runs to him, and he picks him up, giving him a bear hug that looks all too good.It’s clear that my youngest boy is just as smitten as I am.
“Hey, Kevin.”He puts Noah down, and my older son walks up to him.
“Hey,” is all he gets, but this time, it’s with a head nod, so we have some progress.The way Sawyer is grinning, I assume he’s happy with that less-than-stellar greeting.
“Go clean up for dinner, boys.I’ll be in after I put these in the shed.”My arm aches from holding the gardening gear in my hands, along with a shovel, hoe, rake, and buckets.You name it, I seem to be holding it.
“Hey, Mama.”Sawyer takes a step toward me, arms out and ready to hold me.
“No!I’m all dirty!”I take a step back, not wanting to ruin his suit.Because, as usual, he looks completely fresh and polished, and I have dirt covering me from top to toe.
“You couldn’t look more beautiful if you tried.Come here.”He grabs my hand, and I put down my tools and do as he asks.
I walk to him and his hand moves around my waist.I'm not sure if my boys are watching, but I let Sawyer pull me close, his lips touching mine, his kiss searing, making me feel like he might’ve missed me as much as I missed him.
“You alright?”His brow crumples a little as he looks down at me, and I offer him a small smile.
I sigh.“Just another day on the farm.”
He hugs me close, and as my head hits his chest, I close my eyes to keep the tears at bay.
“You sure?”He clearly knows me too well, as his finger meets my chin and he lifts my head a little to look me in the eye.
“Just tired.”
His lips thin, not convinced.
“Are you doing something on the other side of the farm?I was over at Bob’s place before, and I saw the lavender was all pulled up.”
I think my heart stalls.
“Oh… um… yeah, just replanting.”My hand reaches up to twirl a lock of hair that’s fallen from my ponytail.
“You know, if there’s something going on here, you can tell me.”His fingers brush across my forehead and I swallow, my heart now racing, wanting to tell him everything.But when I open my mouth, nothing comes out.Years of my husband telling me not to rely on outsiders, telling me that we shouldn’t have people in our business, telling me that we need to do things alone.The history of mental abuse I suffered suffocates me, and I start to panic.
“Hey… just breathe, Annabelle.”
I look up at him, my eyes watering, feeling like I can’t gather a full breath.I have no idea what’s happening.
“Just slow your breathing… Keep your eyes on mine, baby…” His voice is calming, and I take in a shaky, shallow breath.
“Okay.Try taking a deeper breath.I’m here.I’m right here…”
I breathe in again slowly, my chest hurting.His scent smells nice, welcoming, safe, his hands warm as they grip on to mine.
“You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.But I know something’s going on here, and I’m worried.”
All I can do is nod, the words still not coming out.But my breathing settles, and my hands that were shaking start to relax.
Sawyer looks at me seriously, searching my face.“Are you in danger out here, Mama?”
I can’t lie to him.I can lie to everyone else, but I can’t lie to him.
“I don’t know…” I whisper honestly, and I see his shoulders stiffen.
