Page 35 of Sawyer
Annabelle
Ifold the clothes, my nightly chores feeling less and less like a burden these days.I bite my lip, trying to tame the smile that threatens to cramp my face every time I think about how I kissed Sawyer last night.How his hands felt, how he asked permission, waited for me to give it, and then touched my lips with his in a way that was so soft, yet so committed, it left me feeling utterly giddy.
The heat and passion I feel when in his arms is unprecedented.I thought I was in love with my husband, at least initially.But in hindsight, it was merely a schoolgirl crush that led to a teen pregnancy and then being widowed in my late twenties.
No, the feelings I get with Sawyer are much more than that.So much more that they can’t be compared.My body almost aches for him, my mind a whirl when I think about him.I’ve been scared of getting close to another man.Some scars are still present on my body from the last person I thought I loved.But the more I get to know Sawyer, the more I trust him.He doesn’t have a short temper, doesn’t think my kids are annoying or in the way.He’s warm, intelligent, charming, thoughtful.All the things Steve wasn’t.
“Kevin, five more minutes, and it’s bedtime,” I tell my son, who’s glued to the TV, with Thursday night baseball on.
“I just want to watch Jefferson pitch.”
I smile, having no idea who he’s talking about.Not for the first time, I think about how he and Noah feel with Sawyer coming around.It’s new, different, not just for me, but also for my boys.And while I feel excited at the prospect of meeting a man who has already admitted he wants to sweep me off my feet, I need to ensure my kids are happy.They are my number one priority.
“I’m going out to check that everything is locked up, and when I get back, it’s bedtime, okay?”I say as I step around the table and head to the door.
“But I locked up everything already.”He looks at me over his shoulder, and I give him a small smile in return.
“I know.It just doesn’t hurt to triple-check.”I swallow down the fear that’s building now that it’s gone dark, not wanting to tell him that something feels off around here lately and that I don’t even trust myself to know what I’ve locked up and what I haven’t.Pushing open the door, I turn on the porch light.It’s small, but at least it’s something.
In reality, I should have the whole place bathed in floodlights.That’s what other farms have.But installing large light poles and buying the bright outdoor lights is a cost I just can’t cover at the moment.Yet another thing on my future to-do list.
I stand on the porch and look out at the black night.I’ve always loved the quiet, but as a small breeze skirts over my arms, an involuntary shiver moves through me.Looking to where Sawyer’s truck is parked whenever he visits, I’m already starting to notice the absence of it.Probably because I don’t get many visitors, but I already can’t wait to see him again.
I step down from the porch and start walking across the yard, completely lost in thoughts of him, of our kiss, the touches we share, and I swallow roughly as I think about where it’s leading.I’ve only ever slept with my late husband, and I already know a man like Sawyer would be well experienced.One look at him tells me that.He probably has women fawning all over him in the city, and I don’t think I even have a matching set of underwear.I push my hair back, the unruly mess a constant in my life, and take a breath, pushing away the feelings of not being good enough, knowing that I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got.
Sounds of the TV become fainter the closer I get to the shed.The eerie feeling that I’ve felt these past few weeks creeps around me, like a blanket shrouding my shoulders, making my skin prickle with goosebumps.All thoughts of Sawyer and my sex life dissipate as I look at the shed, stepping closer and closer, all the while darkness envelops me, the isolation almost suffocating as I clench my hands at my sides.
“Come on, Annabelle.You’re tougher than this.”Stepping up to the shed door, I unlock it and move through.I look over at the one cow we have in here, seeing her all safe and happy for the night, and I’m about to turn to walk back out when I hear a noise outside the door.
I freeze, calling out, “Kevin?”
No one answers.My hands start to shake as I tentatively take a step back.
“Kevin?”I yell a little louder as my heart thumps, my wide eyes darting everywhere.But in the darkness, mere shapes and shadows are all I can see.
My footsteps across the floorboards sound daunting as I make it to the door and start to push it open so I can step out.“Kevin?”I ask again, quieter this time, unsure now.Maybe I was just hearing things.But as I take one more hesitant step forward, the shed door comes whipping into me, pushing me back with force.
I scream as the door hits my forehead with a rough smack, and I lose my footing, falling to the floor and landing on my ass.
Shaking off the thudding in my head, I look up and see no one.I scramble to the side of the shed where I know my garden tools are.With trembling hands, I reach out, grabbing the hoe.
“Who’s there?”I pull myself up to stand, breathing rapidly as I start to panic.“Answer me!”
“Ma?”I hear Kevin, and I rush to the door, pushing it open without another thought for my own safety, scared that something will happen to him.“You alright?”
He’s up near the house, and I stride toward him as my head flicks around in every direction, looking around wildly, the hoe in my hands held up, ready to use.
“Kevin.Be careful.”
I look at the shed, around the door, then around the corner, but see no one, nothing.I look out the black expanse of my farm, not able to see a thing, the cloud cover blanketing the moon's usual glow.
“Ma, you’re bleeding.What happened?”That jolts my focus, and I lift my hand to my head, feeling it wet.
“I, um…” I start to say, my voice breaking.“I… just… um…” I stumble, trying to pull my thoughts together before I close my eyes and take a breath.My head’s now throbbing, the shock of it all wearing off, and the pain of where I landed on my ass also pulsating.
“I just tripped,” I settle now really wondering if I’m going crazy.Scuffing my feet on the floor, I feel for any loose board or tripping hazard that could tell me that was a possibility.But I already know it isn’t.That door swung back and hit me, and without a breath of wind felt, I know someone must have pushed it.“I just tripped on the hoe and scared myself.I must not have put it away properly earlier.”
Kevin looks at me like he doesn’t believe me.I get busy locking up the shed, checking the lock three times before I grab Kevin’s hand, and we stride back to the house, the blood on my forehead now dripping down my cheek.
