Page 19 of The Hellcat Barbies: Saskia
“Fucking around in them streets with no direction, some shit went down. To make matters worse, it went down when we were in Knoxville, Tennessee.”
Them white folk didn’t fucking play out there and were ready to give a black nigga the fucking chair.
“Hunter was locked up, and even though it fucked me up, I hit the ground running cuz I knew not only did he need a damn good lawyer, but we needed money to pay said lawyer. Three months later, I still didn’t have enough, but I still tried my luck to get him the best help I could find.”
Unlocking my screen, I opened the app I’d designed years ago. A beeping noise went off, and for a minute, we both sat there. Sass began to look around when she noticed I hadn’t reacted to the noise.
“I think that’s my smoke detector. I meant to change the batt-”
She tried to stand, but I placed a hand on her arm, stopping her. Her brow rose. Using my free hand, I traced her collarbone with my finger, causing her to gasp. Letting my finger trail along the silver of her necklace, I scooped it up, pulling it out of her pajama top until it was fully exposed.
“I went to see that lawyer and I was about a hundred grand short.”
The beeping continued while I held the necklace. Saskia's chest began to heave, but she hadn’t snatched it from me, so I kept going.
“He asked me to do him a favor, and I thought he was bullshitting. When I saw he was serious, I agreed just to get my cousin out. You didn’t run from a one-night stand, Saskia. You ran from your fucking fiancé.”
The ring I’d had delivered to her father’s home beeped in my hand. I was surprised she even had it attached to a necklace. With the way she claimed not to have liked it at the bar, making me feel worse than I already did, I figured she would have gotten rid of it.
“You were never in any real danger, baby. I know I handled that situation all wrong, but when your pops died, I honestly forgot all about his proposal. I even went to his office a few years ago and paid him back plus interest. I was expecting him to ask me to call the whole thing off, but when I saw your picture on his desk, I held back. You were so fucking beautiful to me, and he was so fucking proud of you.”
Tears ran freely down her face as her lip trembled.
“He’d run down all your accomplishments. I listened and watched as he lit up talking about his baby girl. I didn’t have nearly as much as I have now. I didn’t have shit at all when he first propositioned me. I thought the nigga was playing a joke or some shit. It was no way he wanted a hood nigga with tattoos and a record taking his most prized possession for a wife. Your pops, he saw something in a nigga. That day when I handed him the bread, he told me that a man who is able to put his pride aside to protect the people he loved was the only man he wanted for his only child.”
She was crying so hard that her body was shaking.
“Your pops was a real one. I was a man of my word, so when your pop’s lawyer approached me to remind me of the debt Iowed, I just hired my nigga’s girl to give you the wedding I felt like you deserved. But, I went about the shit all wrong. I should have approached you like a real man. I should have gotten to know you. I should have let you pick out your own dress and your own flowers and shit, but when I saw you leave that lawyer's office after the will reading, I knew you wouldn’t be able to do it, baby. So I did it for you because I also knew I didn’t want no other woman as my wife.”
“Oh my God,” she cried.
“When I saw you were at the bar, I came. I came, and being in your presence, I knew I wanted to make the moment last forever. But seeing the pain on your face? That ain’t what I wanted. I knew I couldn’t lock you down like that. Your pops asking me to marry you was a joke, and then it turned into me welcoming the idea of having a one-of-a-kind wife. Still, I couldn’t do that to you. So, even though I knew I shouldn’t have fucked you that night no matter how much you asked me to, I did, and I let you go that morning.”
She was frozen, eyes wide, struggling to process my words while tears ran down her face and curved under her chin. I felt terrible. I could have easily come after Saskia. I’d checked her location once when I saw that she was headed to North Carolina, so I let it be. I hadn’t known she would end up here in Diamond Cove, and I told myself I was going to let her live her fucking life. I hadn’t known she was living in fear of the nigga she was supposed to marry.What the fuck had that lawyer told her?Why the fuck did she think I was a fucking serial rapist? I’d never had to take pussy a day in my life. Hell, I’d been in situations with women where I thought they were going to take my ass down.I’d never hurt a woman, and niggas that violated them, especially in that way, deserved death.
Lifting my hand to wipe her face, she flinched, and that had a nigga going rigid.
“I’m not going to hurt you, baby. All this shit is just a big ass misunderstanding. I wish I had explained that shit to you in the bar about who I was, but I didn’t want to stress you more than you already were. I figured breaking you off with some bread and wishing you on your way was the right thing to do. I was wrong. I was wrong for misleading you.”
She stared wordlessly as her never-ending tears dripped down her neck into her pajama top.I pulled her into my chest and this time, she didn’t reject me. Her head rested on my chest as I pulled her body into my lap. Once she was comfortable, I ran my hand underneath her top to rub her bare back. I wasn’t being a pervert, I just wanted to bring her some solace.
“I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have let you do this shit alone. I should have told you who I was, but I’m here now. I meant it when I said a muthafucka ain’t gone make you do shit. That includes me. It’s yo world, Saskia. Always has been. Always will be.”
I kept whispering reassurance in her ear, and after thirty minutes, she had run out of tears and her guard was down. Her head was still buried in my chest, and if it weren’t for her breathing pattern, I’d have thought she was asleep.
“Why…why did you have guards watching me?”
Her words were so soft that if a TV was playing, I wouldn’t have heard them. Only our hearts and breathing interrupted the silence, so I heard her loud and clear.
“I didn’t have guards watching you, baby. I had them protecting you. It fucked me up knowing someone had killed your pops. He was a solid ass nigga that wanted to do nothing but help his people. Until I figured out who had done it, I wanted you safe. A part of the reason why I hadn’t come to meet you was because I was combing the streets, plus I’m – I work a busy schedule. That ain’t an excuse though. I should have come faceyou, but I guess a nigga didn’t know what to say. I was still trying to process the shit myself.”
Lifting her head from my chest, she peered at me with swollen eyes and smushed hair, and she still looked fucking beautiful.
“But you had enough time to plan a whole wedding? Had you come to me, you would have known at least what I liked. You gave me options to choose from,” she shook her head.
“I want to change dresses at least three times, and one of them has to be my mother’s dress. I wanted everything pink — not just the decor but the dresses as well. And, only black designers. Blackberry Farms was nice, but getting married on my father’s estate would have been even nicer, allowing me to feel closer to him. So that he could be a part of my special day. Everything about his death, about the wedding, it all felt wrong. Just imagine losing the only family you have and being thrust into a wedding with a person you’ve never even met. I thought my life was over. I thought I was going to be the one to die next.”
I kept rubbing her back, making sure not to interrupt.
