Page 98 of Map of Pain
G-H-I-J-K... His fingers stumbled over the K, the index finger and thumb not quite forming the right angle. Everything felt awkward this morning, like he’d forgotten how to exist in his own skin.
The bathroom door opened, and Luka emerged with messy hair and sleep-rumpled clothes. The sight of him—relaxed, domestic, beautiful in the darkened apartment—feltdangerouslyclose to contentment. He tried not to stare as Luka wandered off to the kitchen to begin their usual ritual of having overly sweet coffee and tea together.
Luka settled beside him on the couch, close enough that their knees almost touched, and held out one of the mugs with his usual gentle smile.
“Thank you,”Nick saidquietly, accepting the mug and wrapping his fingers around its warmth. The first sip was perfect—sweet enough to mask any bitterness,exactlythe way he liked it but had never asked for.
Luka reached for his phone, thumb movingquicklyacross the screen before turning it toward Nick. The display showed a same-day delivery confirmation:55“ Smart TV - Delivery window 10AM-2PM.
Nick followed Luka’s gesture toward the empty space beneath the window where faded rectangles on the wall showed where a TV mount had once been attached. The sight made him uncomfortable because he could still remember the day it disappeared. Three months into his slide toward rock bottom, withdrawal making his hands shake sobadlyhe could barely work the screwdriver. The TV had been one of the last valuable things in the apartment, and Nick convinced himself it was just borrowing. Just until he could get clean, get his shit together, pay everything back.
The pawn shop had given him sixty dollars for a television that had probably cost ten times that. The money was gone within hours, dissolved into powder and needles and the temporary promise that everything would stop hurting.
Luka leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Nick’s cheek, the gesture so natural and affectionate that Nick’s breath caught.Then he pulled back and pointed to the coffee mug in Nick’s hand.
His hands movedslowly, giving Nick time to follow each sign. The first was familiar—a finger drawn down his chin.Sweet. The second took Nick a momentlongerto recognize: a Y-shaped hand moving back and forth between them.Like.
The third sign made Nick frown in confusion. Instead ofsimplypointing at him like usual, Luka formed what Nick recognized as an N—two fingers folded over his thumb—but pressed the shape against his chest before twisting it outward. The movement was similar to the sign for“safe“but positioned over his heart instead of in neutral space.
“Sweet like...”Nick paused, studying the hand shape.“I know that’s an N, but why are you doing it like that?Usuallyyou just point at me.”
Luka’s faceimmediatelyflushed a deep red. He took a hasty sip of his tea, almost like he was buying time, then set the mug down with careful precision.
“Can you show me again?”Nick asked.“The one that means my name?”
Luka’s blush deepened, but he complied. First, he spelled out N-I-C-K with finger movements. Then he made the sign for“safe”with both hands—fists crossing in front of his body and twisting outward.Finally, he repeated that strange N-shape pressed against his chest, right over his heart.
Understanding hit Nick like lightning.
“Nick safe in heart,”he breathed, staring at Luka’s face.“That’s what it means, isn’t it? That’s my name sign.”
Luka nodded, looking down at his mug with embarrassed focus. His free hand fidgeted with something on the coffee table—a pencil eraser from the Society files scattered nearby. Nick watched him shred the pink rubber into tiny pieces.
When Luka spoke, his voice wasbarelyaudible, damaged vocal cords pushed to their limit:“I th-think I love you.”
The words hung in the air between them, raw and honest and terrifying. Nick’s heart hammered against his ribs as he processed what he’d just heard. Part of him wanted to panic, to retreat, to remind them both that it was too soon, too fast, too dangerous to feel this much.
But a larger part—the part that was learning to want things again—didn’t give a flying fuck about timing or logic or fear.
Nick set down his coffee mug and shifted closer, close enough to see the vulnerability in Luka’s downcast eyes. He reached out and stilled the nervous fingers destroying the eraser.
“Hey,”he said, waiting until Luka looked up at him.“I think I love you too.”
Luka’s anxiety melted into pure joy. The smile that spread across his features was radiant, making him look younger and somehow more beautiful than Nick had ever seen him.
Before either of them could say anything else, three sharp knocks echoed from the apartment door.
Both men turned toward the sound, but the immediate tension eased as Luka pointed to his phone, then gestured toward the door. The delivery.
Nick glanced back to make sure Luka was positioned well away from the door, out of range of any sunlight that might spill in when he opened it. Satisfied that Luka was in the shadows, Nick crossed to the door and twisted the handle, glancing back again to just look at Luka.As soon as I get this in here, I’m going to kiss him everywhere—
The door exploded inward.
The force knocked Nick backward, his shoulder slamming against the wall as black-clad figures poured through the entrance. Five, six, seven people in tactical gear flooded thesmall apartment, followed by Owen, his familiar face twisted with cruel satisfaction as heshut the door behind them.
“Hello, Nick,”Owen said.“Told you we’d find you.”
Chapter thirty-eight
