Page 94 of Map of Pain
“I wish Tariq were here for this, you’d love him, Nick,” Caleb said, also seemingly unbothered by what was obviously two people sneaking off to have sex. “Though I suppose we’d have to tell him no bear hugs.”
“It not possible for DJ, he have compulsion to hug,” Petrov piped up from the end of the table, surprising Nick. He had been so quiet the whole dinner Nick almost forgot he was there.
Adam and Vincent returned twenty minutes later with mussed hair and wrinkled clothes, Adam sporting a telltale spot of blood seeping through his shirt collar.
“Really?” Marcus said dryly. “We have guests.”
“We were quiet,” Adam said with an unrepentant grin.
“Define quiet,” Ophelia muttered.
Vincent just smirked, shameless, and reached for his wine glass.
Nick stared at them, fascinated. No guilt. No careful navigation of triggers or trauma. Just two people who enjoyed each other andweren’tafraid to show it.
A thought hit him with startling clarity: he wanted that. Not necessarily the semi-public aspect, but the ease. The ability to want someone and act on it without drowning in complications and fear.
He wanted that with Luka.
Chapter thirty-six
Blunt, filthy honesty
Nick
Nick lay on his back in the apartment’s small bedroom, one arm behind his head, watching the ceiling fan turn lazy circles in the humid air. Luka was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, and the sound of running water mixed with the distant hum of traffic created a peaceful backdrop to his thoughts.
He felt... good.Actuallygood, not just“better than yesterday”or“functional enough to get through the day.”Tonight had been the first time inlongerthan he could remember that he felt like he belonged somewhere.
But what kept circling back in his thoughts was Vincent and Adam’s reappearance after their obvious tryst.
The way they’d stumbled back into the living room, hair mussed and clothes wrinkled, Adam with that telltale spot of blood seeping through his shirt where Vincent had bitten him. The easy, shameless grin Adam had worn when Marcus called them out. The languid satisfaction in Vincent’s posture.
He wanted that so bad.
The bathroom door opened, and Luka emerged in flannel pajama pants and nothing else, his hair damp from washing. Nick felt a jolt of adrenaline at the sight—the broad shoulders, the lean muscle, the way droplets of water caught the lamplight on Luka’s skin. Luka caught him staring and raised an eyebrow in question, fire flooded Nick’s face and he looked away.
“Sorry, I was just...”He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Nick fidgeted with the edge of the sheet, gathering courage.“Tonight was good.”
Luka smiled and gestured for him to continue.
“I keep thinking about...”Nick started, then stopped, his entire face burning. He couldn’t seem to get the words out. After a long moment, he tried again.“Vincent and Adam.”
Luka’s eyebrows rose, confusion and concern flickering across his features.
“When they came back from...”Nick’s voice died, and he made a gesture with his hand instead. His cheeks were so hot he thought they might be glowing.“They looked... they seemed so...”
He buried his face in his hand with a frustrated sound.“This is stupid. I can’t even say it.”
Lukagentlypulled Nick’s hand away from his face, waiting until Nick met his eyes again.
“They looked happy,”Nick whispered, staring at Luka’s collarbone rather than his face.“And normal. Like what they’d been doing was just... nice. Not scary or painful.”
Nick’s hand moved without his permission to rest against Luka’s chest, and heimmediatelystarted to pull it back.“Sorry, I don’t know why I—”
But Luka’s hand covered his, keeping it in place.
“I think...”Nick swallowed hard, his voice getting smaller.“I think maybe I want to try. That. With you. I mean, if you want to. You don’t have to. But I don’t...”
