Page 59 of Map of Pain
The trailer door creaked open behind him. Nick tensed, ready to deflect concern or questions, but Caleb just settled beside him on the steps without a word. His little brother—though not so little anymore, Nick realized. Caleb’s shouldershadfilledout, and something in his posture spoke of a confidence Nick didn’t remember.
They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes. Nick could feel Caleb glancing at him, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. The quiet stretched between them, not quite comfortable but not hostile either. More like... uncertain.
“So,”Caleb finally said, his voice carrying an artificial brightness that made Nick wince internally.“I got my driver’s license.”He pulled out his wallet and produced the plastic card, holding it like an offering.“Three weeks ago.”
Nick stared at the small rectangle, unsure how to respond. The photo showed Caleb smiling—genuinely smiling, not the worried expression Nick remembered from before everything went to hell.“Oh. That’s...”He cleared his throat.“That’s good. Really good.”
Caleb tucked the license back into his wallet.“Ophelia taught me. She’s, um, she’s terrible at it, but she’s patient.”He gave a nervous laugh.“Marcus got me one of those cars with all the safety features. I thought... I mean, after the accident...”
“You always said you’d never drive,” Nick said.
“Yeah, well.”Caleb shrugged, suddenly looking younger.“Things change, I guess.”
Another silence. Nick pressed his hand against the hidden brand, hyper-aware of its presence. He should say something. Ask about Caleb’s life, or explain wherehe’dbeen, or apologize for—everything. But the words felt stuck.
“Are you...”Caleb started, then stopped. He tried again,“How are you doing? I mean, obviously you’re not great right now, but...”
“I’m alive,”Nick said, which felt like the only honest answer he could give.
“That’s something.”
“Yeah.”
They watched a bird hop around in the nearby grass, both of them following its progress like itcould somehow help clear up five years’ worth of questions neither of them knew how to ask.
“I should have looked for you,”Caleb said, breaking first.“When you disappeared. I should have tried harder.”
Nick’s fingers found the edge of his torn collar.“I didn’t want to be found. Iwas...”The admission felt like swallowing glass.“Pills first. Then heroin. Then Chicago. Not exactly the kind of places you leave forwarding addresses.”
Calebwasquiet for a long moment.“I just... I wish you could have been there for Mom’s funeral service. Not because youhadto be, just... because you would have wanted to say goodbye.”
Nick pressed his palms against his eyes. Another conversation he didn’t know how to have.“I would have. IfI’dbeen...”He gestured vaguely at himself.
“I know.”
More silence. A car drove down the road visible from where he sat, and Nick automatically tracked its movement, cataloging potential threats before catching himself. Old habits.
“Can I ask you something? About when—”Caleb began, fidgeting with his sleeves,“at the warehouse. When they... when Henderson...”
Nick’s stomach dropped. “Caleb—”
“I don’t understand it. What happened to you. But I saw your face when youwereholding my head, and itwasn’t...itwasn’treally you,wasit?”
Nick wanted to disappear into the concrete steps.“It’s complicated. I have these... different parts of my brain that take over depending on how safe I feel. The hunter part, it’s all tactics and missions. It doesn’t really care about people, just staying alive. And there’s another part that learned how to survive bybeing...”He swallowed hard.“Compliant. Good. Whatever kept me breathing.”
“Like multiple personalities?”
“No. No, they’re all me. Just different survival mechanisms.” Nick rubbed his face.“But that doesn’t excuse what I did. I held you down while they hurt you. I can’t... I don’t know how to apologize for that.”
Calebwasquiet for so long Nick thought hewasn’tgoing to respond. When he spoke, his voicewascareful.“You mentioned Chicago. And that vampire who...”He gestured toward Nick’s chest, where the brandwashidden. “What happened to you there?”
Nick’s hand moved to cover the concealed mark.“Two years. He kept me in... a small space. Like a box.”The words came out mechanical, clinical.“Every time I tried to escape,he’d...”Nick stared at where his damaged handhadonce been.“Take something. As a lesson.”
“The fingers,” Caleb said. “Before Marcus–”
“Among other things.”Nick’s voice went flatter.“Hehadrules. If I followed them, thingswere... easier. If I didn’t, there were consequences.”
Caleb’s face blanched.“What kind of rules?”
