Page 50 of The App Trap
Ben seemed to know quite a few people, and it appeared to be one of his friend’s birthdays. Somebody had gone to the trouble of bringing a cake as well. The cake was one of those Sara Lee ones and still needed a good hour or so of defrosting according to a woman called Mel who had given it a poke or two. Shame, I used to like those.
We settled down with a bottle of Fanta each and shared a table with a couple who had bottles of green fluorescent energy drinks parked in front of them. They were obviously in it for the long haul.
Inside, there was a large seating area with a dancefloor, and as I was taken on a tour, I discovered much more. There was a unisex changing room with a couple of Jacuzzis in it, and a labyrinth of rooms in the west-wing, all with their own specific rules. This was not a place for the bashful.
Firstly, we strolled into the ‘Couples’ room’. I felt that I had the authority to go in as I was with Ben. You weren’t allowed in there without a partner. Secondly, there was a room where basically anybody could stand around and watch a couple have sex. Needless to say, it was surrounded by scarily leathery, naked men, all of them thumbing their softies. Then there were a couple of private rooms, and one with a stable door type affair where the couple could optfor opening the top half of the door for passing voyeurs if they were feeling brave.
When we went back into the main hall, everyone was suddenly naked. Therefore, there was no more fucking about; it was now time for me to hurriedly change into a towel.
Ben said he’d meet me outside for a cigarette, so I frantically stuffed all of my clothes into a locker and ran outside barefoot. As an amateur, I did not have the foresight to bring flip-flops or sliders, so I found myself repeatedly picking cigarette butts out from between my toes.
I found Ben chatting to Frank, a builder from Meopham who was actually the birthday boy. He was one of the most alpha males that I’ve ever met in my life. He had an absolutely stunning wife, who was dressed in a corset, six-inch heels, and decorated with an extremely generous quantity of beautifully drawn tattoos.
Frank seemed to be in the middle of telling Ben a story, flicking his vape into an ashtray for some bizarre reason.
His wife received a barrage of WhatsApp messages judging by the orchestra of trumpet alerts her phone was parping out as she chugged away on her Lambert & Butler menthol, using the ashtray legitimately.
Ben signalled for us to go inside, and so we did. We sat in a booth with a few other people and immediately I noticed that a woman was eyeing me as if to suggest that she wanted to have sex with me. “I love your chest,” she said.
Although this woman also had a magnificent chest, alas, it was not the sort of chest I was attracted to, so I thanked her with a tight-lipped smile.
“Come on,” said Ben, dragging me away from the main room.
I wanted to question him, but was too nervous to ask what was about to happen.
“Okay, we need to break you in. You justlookout of your depth here, so I reckon if I give you a blowy, you’ll loosen up a bit,” said Ben, pulling me towards him, his breath warming my forehead.
“Fine,” I whined, craning my neck to look up at him as his boots had quite the heel on them.
The room he took me into was fairly empty, and we headed over to an enormous bed that was covered in a PVC sheet for completely obvious reasons.
I perched on the side of the bed. Before I knew it, my towel was off and Ben was on his knees, but as soon as his teeth bit into the condom wrapper, I looked up and saw the person I would least like to see in this environment, peering into the room: My boss––Neil. Shit.
From the way Ben paused, looking at me, he could tell I’d seen a ghost—or worse.
Before I even attempted to process how this glitch in the matrix had possibly occurred, my erection was no more.
“What the fuck?” quizzed Ben, hooded eyes looking up at me.
There was an audible disappointed murmur from the now dispersing crowds, as one couple vacated to one of the surrounding beds to get busy themselves while the rest of them just left the room. “My boss. I just saw my boss. Sorry, Ben. I mean, if you saw this guy, you’ll see why that put me off.”
Ben tutted and shook his head. “Well, I’m fucking horny now. I’m gonna have to find someone else.”
“Fine, I totally understand, but I’ve gotta get out of here. Meet you in the car later?”
“Whatever.”
The breeze from the force of his wave almost shoved me away. I peered out into the main hall and saw Neil standing there, but with a woman. This woman was also someone I recognised. My actual mother! This could scarcely get any worse, or weirder. There was a chance Neil wouldn’t have made my face out in the darkness of that room, so I could still be in the clear. Bottom line was, I needed to get out of here and without either of them clocking me.
A tsunami of panic ensued. I ran back into the couples’ room and briefed Ben about the situation that was rapidly escalating, explaining that I had to leaveimmediately. This disgruntled him a lot as he seemed to have secured a bit of action with a fellow kinkster, who was kitted out like a kind of rubber Pope. Ben frustratingly wiped his lubed fingers on a sheet and followed me out of the room.
I ran to the changing room, grabbed my bundle of clothes from my locker and decided to get changed in the steam room so that there’d be little to no chance of being seen. It was a near impossible task––mostly because there were no less than three couples getting busy with their business in there.
After stepping on at least three bare feet and catching lord knows how many verrucas, I made my apologies and took flight out of the patio doors at the back of the venue, writing off my locker key and towel deposit. I dragged Ben with me and we scurried away to my car.
“Your mumandyour boss?” said Ben.
“Yes. Together.”
