Page 7 of The App Trap
“Hi. Oh, we were just saying, we don't see many goths these days. I used to be one, you know? I used to love the um… gothic stuff and all that. I love your boots. Very sharp.”
“Sorry, can I just get my head around this? Are youactuallyhitting on me?” the goth said, speedily.
“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” I said, trying and failing again to hoist my left eyebrow. Damn Finn for nabbing that family trait.
My lip started to quiver as I sensed impending danger. Then my mouth went dry to the point that I couldn't swallow discretely.
“Unbelievable. Actually unbelievable. Get out of my way, you absolute twat.”
The goth bulldozed past with the force of a rugby scrum, and briskly strutted off, muttering obscenities and holding up two middle fingers. He only holstered them when he was sure that I was out of viewing range.
Finn peered around the corner.
“Oh, hang on,” he said, gulping and pointing at the sign above the shop that the goth had just walked out of. It read:
‘W.A. Lovelace & Sons Funeral Directors.’
“Whoops,” I said.
Finn provided a couple of sympathetic pats on the back as we traipsed back home for a mid-morning nap, or whatever else we decided to get up to in the privacy of our own bedrooms, which was nobody’s business but our own.
I had resigned myself to the fact that I was probably not as good at interaction with the men of the real world as I initially thought. Well, at least I now had the internet to fall back on.
The morning’s events had really got to me. Not being able to chat to guys never used to bother me, as when I was younger a lot of them approached me; but today, for some reason, it was really twisting my melons, man. It had been an obscene amount of time since I last had sex and this was a rut I was very keen to become unstuck in.
Also, after my chat with Mum last night, I thought that it was probably about time to step up my game. So, I fired upKindred––obviously.
I thought it was about time I spruced up the old profile, since I hadn’t updated it since my punctuation faux-pas.
Hmm. What about:
‘Click here for a 3-Day trial!’
Oh. Minimum 300 letters, you say? That’s insane. Who has the time to read that much in this day and age?
Okay. Concentrate, Danny, here goes:
I’m here looking for a partner in crime because I’m looking to rob a selection of petrol stations in the South London area. I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy, mainly because I never think to ask for a tray when ordering a large round of drinks.
My weaknesses are:
I can be intimidating as I’m quite high up in MENSA (I work on the top floor doing admin stuff).
Moneymanagement, because my on-going charity work and generosity always leaves me out of pocket. But I don’t like to talk about what a great person I am, so I’ll shut up about that.
Humility.
