Page 60 of The App Trap
“Delete all your pictures of grot. I’ve got rid of all my cock shots.”
“Oh. Okay… well, I actually don’t think I’ve got any left.”
I scrolled through my photo album in full view, with more confidence than a man wearing socks and sandals. I, too, was now clean.
“Why have you got a picture of Dick Van Dyke on your phone?” asked Harry.
“Oh, that. Well, there’s a funny story there…”
Chapter
Twenty
Iknew it. I knew there was something wrong with Mum. She was so ridiculously protective of me, that I was the only one that was kept in the dark. Everyone else fucking knew. She was going to tell me that day last month when I went to expose Neil, but she lost her bottle. A couple of days before, Mum had been in for a consultation and had received some catastrophic news. After a bunch of scans, the doctors had found that there had been some changes, and none were good. Her tumours were not responding to the treatments, and furthermore, the cancer was now spreading––fast.
“I know, mate. It’s just fucking awful,” said Finn, trying to hold himself together. “It’s spread to her liver, pancreas and worse than that, her brain. She told me last week and I was trying to think of a way to tell you, but she swore me to secrecy. Man, I’ve never seen her lose her shit, but she just lost control completely. She was shaking so much. Terrified. She said that she could handle the cancer anywhere but her brain. I haven’t seen her cry for years. It was horrendous.”
“So, what can we do? There must be something. Thiscan’t be it, surely? It's Mum. What did they say?” I said, becoming more and more panicked.
“Okay, listen, mate. Sit down for a sec.”
“Oh, fuck off. That’s never good, is it? Sit down? Just hit me with it. How long?”
“They're saying maybe two months.”
I sat down.
I somehow felt Mum’s life force drain away through me. It was like a piece of me had just been sucked away.
“She’s been in pain this past week and I think she’s gonna have to go into the Royal Marsden,” said Finn. “She’s not strong enough to work, and she can’t cope at home on her own. I guess we just have to accept that.”
“No. No way. I’ll go and stay with her. If she goes in there, she’s not coming back out. We both know that.”
Finn bowed his head with respect to the truth bomb that had just exploded.
“We can't give up on her,” I pleaded. “She’s Mum. Remember when she ripped her hand open helping me get that mattress up the stairs when we moved flat? ‘Just a fucking scratch’, she said. Her bloody thumbnail was hanging off. She’s indestructible. I just can’t…”
“I know, mate. I haven’t even told Lilla yet either,” said Finn.
I coughed out a laugh through my tears as his hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed it as we both looked down at Lilla washing her behind.
A week later,Mum was in hospital and we all knew that it was nearing the end. I sat with her as she laughed andjoked about absolute nonsense. That was the morphine chatting shit, not her.
Auntie Florence sat with me, asking her if she needed anything and tidying Mum’s stuff around her, like she did. She was putting on an act for me as if everything was normal, but we both knew it wasn’t.
That was when I lost it. I burst into tears as I looked at Mum’s quizzical face.
“What’s he bawling for? Silly sod!” She laughed.
Florence tried to come up with something but couldn’t muster anything to cover it up. “He’s just upset seeing his mother like this.”
I grabbed Mum’s hand and did what I could to hold back the tears.
“What are you snivelling for?” Mum asked.
“Nothing,” I said, before releasing a fresh flood of tears.
“How’s that lovely man of yours? When am I gonna meet him?”
