Page 45 of The App Trap
“Yeah. He’s having a lovely time. Says he’s on some site called Toyboy Emporium as well. I just thought, you know, what with all that’s going on, I could do with a bit of fun in cas...”
She paused. I knew what she was refraining from saying next. She wasn't responding to her treatment and I knew that she thought she didn't have much time left, but just didn't want to spook me.
“Okay, well, be careful. There are aLOTof pricks out there.”
“Ooh, don’t I know it.” She laughed, playfully slapping my forearm. “What about you boys, anyway?”
Finn puffed out his cheeks and shook his head. “Workin progress,” he said, before continuing. “I’ve gotta skedaddle, anyway. Booze tonight?” he said, turning to me.
“Sorry, mate… date.”
“For f… tomorrow?”
“Another date.”
“Thursday?”
I winced.
“Fuck it. Give me a bell when you're around. See you later, Mum.”
“Oh, don’t bother asking me out for a drink, will you?” said Mum.
“Shit. I didn't… I mean. Fancy a drink tonight?” said Finn.
“Date. Sorry,” said Mum.
“Tomorrow?”
“Another date.”
“You know what? I’m off,” said Finn as Mum and I both pissed ourselves.
My face morphed into a serious one. “You're joking about the two-date thing, right?”
“No. I can see why it’s so addictive, you know.”
“Hmm. Well, good luck, I suppose.”
“Thank you, darling. So, who’s the next lucky man for you?”
“Steve,” I said.
“Well, be nice to him. Ciao for now.”
“Will do. Love you, Mum.”
“And you, Lovely.”
As I went for my morning shwipe, I decided to search for Chris on Sliderr to swipe on him, just to find out whether Mum’s best friend had a secret crush on me. It appeared that he didn’t. Damn, he was quite the DILF as well, you know.
Today, I had a lunch date lined up with a guy called Steve who wasn't great on the chat, but I fancied him a lot, so of course that was enough to warrant a meeting. Besides, it was a safety date with a one-hour cap on it, so if it went Southern Rail, I could just scarper.
It turned out that this was a date that really made me tighten up my admin skills.
First of all: a bit of history. About a month ago, I had been on a date with another guy called Steve, who was, for want of a better description, an awful person. We’ll call him ‘Bad Steve’. He was great on the old texts, but when I met him in person, I had literally nothing in common with him. He was rude, brash, racist and talked about nothing except how much money he made, and yet at the same time, failed to buy a single drink. Although that may have been because we only stayed for one in the end, but still.
Last week I got chatting to another guy called Steve from a very reputable dating app, and as was the modern way, I'd started to text him. Via text, we arranged a date for this Tuesday. What I hadn’t paid much heed to was that this brand-new Steve did seem rather familiar on the old ‘text banter’ front.
