Page 36 of The App Trap
A slick-looking man with ‘superhero’ good-looks curled a smile on the left-side of his mouth. Before I could say ‘Baby on Board’, he smoothly swapped places with Harry, slithering in front of me and completely blocking my view of him. What a bloody pro.
As they started laughing at each other’s jokes, the pregnant woman looked at me knowingly.
“I’m not even pregnant, ha ha,” she chuckled.
“Unbelievable. Right, this is my stop. Good to see you again and I‘ll call you about that thing,” I said to Harry, eyeballing the slick bastard chatting him up, before storming off the train two stops before the one I needed. I received a semi-dismissive wave and watched as he continued guffawing at the shameless cheese that Slick Rick was undoubtedly pasteurising.
After faffing around waiting for another tube, I eventually got to Mum’s house. She was ready to go and looking splendid in her funky headscarf and designer pantsuit. Bit much for hospital, but that was Mum.
We arrived at the hospital, and Mum was set up with all her chemo gear by a gorgeous nurse called Jack. She parked up in her chair, while Jack made her comfortable.
“I recognise you,” said Jack.
“Probably from all the photos she carries around of me,” I chuckled, in a flirtymanner.
“Oh. This is my son Danny. Danny, this is Jack. He’s my favourite. Actually, you’re single, aren't you, Jack?”
“Mum!” I snapped.
“Um… kind of seeing someone actually.” Jack smiled, still eyeballing me.
Shit, that was a shame. He seemed nice and actually quite familiar as well.
Jack finished settling Mum in and left to go and tend to some business with the other nurses.
“Why can’t you get yourself a fella like that? Look at him. Lovely figure and nice big thighs. And you like redheads, don't you? Not so sure about his tattoos, I’ve never liked those things really. Hey, he looks a bit like your father, God rest his soul,” said Mum, flicking apart herVanity Fairmagazine.
“Urgh, don't be weird.”
“Well, I think he’s lovely—so caring as well. The trouble is with you kids is you don't like the nice ones. It’s always the ones with a bit of drama. Bertie from the shop is the same. He’s always complaining about these arseholes he goes out with, then he just ends up with another one. Actually, he’s about your age as well. Probably a bit scruffy for you, though, wears a bit too much jewellery as well.”
“Look, I’ll be fine,” I said. “Someone’ll turn up one day.”
“Just when you least expect it.”
“I knew you were gonna say that.”
“Well, it's true. I know you think your mother’s a mad old bint, but I’m always right. Anyway, they’re having a right old time over there, aren't they, bless ‘em?” said Mum.
She pointed over to Jack and the other nurses who were having a chuckle about something. I could have been a bit paranoid, but every time I looked up, Jack and his cronies stopped laughing. Every time I looked away, I was sure Icould see their shoulders shaking with uncontrollable laughter out of the corner of my eye.
Three hours passed and the chemo had flooded Mum’s veins. Let’s hope it started doing its bloody job. We got up and I helped her to the car.
“Bye, darling. Thanks for being so wonderful again,” Mum said to Jack.
“That’s all right, Chrissy. I’d say ‘hope to see you soon’, but we all want that muck out of you. Well, you know what I mean.”
“Ah, I know what you mean, Lovely. Well, hopefully won't see you soon either, my darling,” said Mum, kissing him on the cheek.
“Nice to meet you,” I told Jack.
“Huh? Oh yeah. You too,” he said, jovially.
I was almost sure the other nurses behind us all started to suppress laughter, but maybe I was just being paranoid after all. Hospitals always made me a bit jittery.
“Were they laughing at me? Have I got something on my face? A bogey or something?” I asked Mum.
“No. You're just being paranoid. They’re lovely people. As if they’d be laughing at anyone visiting a bloody cancer ward.”
