Page 34 of The App Trap
“Crap job interview, in case you’re wondering,” said Harry.
“Ah, well, phew. So um, anyway… how are you? Still seeing that fella? Mister ‘three dates’?” I said, mentally crossing my fingers in the hope that he wasn’t.
“Ooh, you remembered—you’re such a sweetie. He binned me off. Well, I kept catching him online, the shitbag. So, alas, I’m still on the market. Havin’ a lot of fun as usual! Haven’t found a suitable replacement as yet. There’s alwayssomethingwrong with these folk, isn’t there? Present company excepted, of course. Now, how about yourself?”
“If you insist,” I said, mentally uncrossing my fingers and grabbing the chair opposite Harry as Harry stood up and shouldered his man bag.
I quickly pretended I was just dusting the chair rather than suavely taking a seat.
“No, I meant haveyoufound anyone?” said Harry.
“Oh. Um... well, you know what they say… it’s complicated,” I replied, not even knowing myself what that meant. I kept doing that, didn’t I?
“What’s that beeping sound?” asked Harry.
“Oh shit, it’s my earbuds. Forgot to turn ‘em off.”
“What are you listening to? A bit of techno?”
“Oh, no. I’m learning Japanese, actually.”
“Oh, yeah? Very exotic.”
“Yeah, I went to Tokyo a few months ago. Blew me away.”
“Cool. So, are you going back there, then?”
“Probably not,” I replied.
Harry laughed. “So, why are you learning Japanese, then, you div?”
“I genuinely have no idea,” I said, feeling my brain melt.
“Oh, hey, I saw you on Lovestuck––amongst many others I may add! Have you seen they’ve started doing those weird parties again? They’re having it in a normal bar and it’s not like a real singles party, so it’s about 10% less sad. Apparently, you only know that someone’s from the app if you put a red straw in your drink. Otherwise, you're totally incognito,” Harry explained with a wink.
“What if you're drinking a lager?” I asked.
“Well then you just look like a twat with a straw in a beer,” he replied. “Actually, I’d probably go for someone like that, come to think of it.”
Ooh. That had gotta be a come-on? Surely. He was basically inviting me out on a date.
“So, why don’t you come?” he asked. “It’ll be fun. We can both bring some mates and increase our chances, eh?”
Oh. Maybe not then.
I was getting mixed signals from Harry as he was beingextremely flirty with his body language. Was he just covering his arse by inviting other friends, or was he genuinely not interested in me in the slightest? Whatever it was, I decided that I definitely wasn't going to miss out on seeing him again.
“Sounds bonzer to me,” I said.
"Bonzer?" Harry picked up on the ridiculous word and quite rightly berated me for it.
“Let me take your number anyway,” I said.
“You mean you’ve deleted it? Wanker!”
“Oh. No. Shit. I mean, I must still have it somewhere.”
I fumbled through my contacts and was horrified when I saw a squadron of Harrys with various dating app abbreviations after them. I simply had to make a guess as to which one was him.
