Page 30 of The App Trap
“Good shout. Okay, let me know what she says.”
“Will do… look, I’ve gotta run.”
Finn turned and went to open the front door and leave. I cleared my throat to bring his attention back to me.
“What now?” he said, agitatedly.
“You forgot your Cheerios.”
He scooped them off the table and bizarrely put theminto his coat pocket, before slamming the door way too loudly upon leaving.
I had a bit of time to kill, so decided to have a little fumble around onNSA Dating––a new app that Ben had recommended. NSA was what the cool cats call ‘No strings attached’, by the way. Needless to say, it was a sex dating site. What harm could it do? I still had some fairly wholesome dating apps in tow, but I was also beginning to embark on a flourishing sex life.
Like Ben said, as long as I was honest with people, I could do no harm. I could continue my search for the love of my life on the fairly wholesome apps, whilst enjoying myself with other players in the um… players lounges. What could possibly go wrong? Don’t answer that.
DespiteNSA Datingbeing an adult dating app, I opted to keep things nice and clean. I wasn’t going to post a photo of my old chap on there like all of the other guys seemed to be doing.
For a start, being spotted on a sex dating site by somebody I knew would be mortifying. Mind you, ifthey’reon the site…
I wouldn’t even know how to pose elegantly in a tacky photo, anyway. Would I do a full length‘Prince-Lovesexy era’style pose? Would I smile? Would I include anything in the photo for scale?
I didn't know the answers to any of these questions, so I thought I’d take a look at some of the other profiles on the site for some tips. It would seem that it was a mixture of all of the above.
On one profile, there was a picture of one cock and balls bolt upright, which looked like an old-school Orangina bottle, and another flush against a half-litre can of StellaArtois and a measuring tape, which looked like a weird version of the cover ofThe Usual Suspects.
The site was crammed with naked picture after naked picture after semi-naked picture. I figured that a guy like myself with no 'dick pics' would be a welcome relief for the good people ofNSA Dating. Surely that’s what they were all crying out for on a sex site? They must have been sick of looking at all those cocks and balls. Where was the mystery, eh?
I got to work straight away and sent out a load of purpose-built blanket messages to members that looked genuine. The only trouble was that the guys on this naughty app didn’t actually have any personal information in their profile, so I’d just have to include a comment that was specific to their profile photo, which was tough, when sometimes it was just a pair of balls. I was beginning to think that conversation didn’t count fortoomuch on apps like these.
Amongst the rabble, I clocked that a feisty-looking metal-head had peered at my profile. He had a semi-naked picture of himself on his profile that revealed just enough of his chiselled lower jaw to make me think that I’d quite like to meet him.
Time was getting on, but Jon_BonPony had messaged me, and it would have been downright rude not to reply instantly.
‘Welcome to my inbox. I do hope you like what I’ve done with the place. If I’d have known you were coming, I'd have tidied up a bit,’I quipped.
The chat rapidly became sexual. ‘Screw it, I’ll just go in late,’ I thought as I hooked my Marks & Spencer’s ‘Monday’ briefs under my balls.
The filthy pics were landing in my inbox thick and fast,and sure enough, it was time for me to pull my weight (not a euphemism).
‘Show us your dick then,’commanded BonPony.
Oh, shit. I felt obligated to, not least because I’d forfeit receiving more visual stimuli from him. This was to be my first attempt at a dick pic. I had no idea what I was doing.
I tried lying flat at first, and took the shot from my chest, pushing my cock up into a kind of Leaning Tower of Pisa, but that was no good. Next, I tried a full-length one in the mirror, but weirdly, I couldn’t seem to take the shot without reflexively doing a ‘thumbs up’. I used all 360 degrees available to man and I still looked like a dog chasing its tail.
In the end, I went for a side-on approach, although I still couldn’t help thinking that I looked like an arcade machine. I didn't receive a reply for about five minutes until:
‘Nice one geezer.’
Geezer? What?
BonPony then ordered me to play with myself and tell him what I was doing, so I documented some fake scenarios that included gently massaging my new raspberry and watermelon lube into my tip slowly, to sliding my brand-new lubed-up oily porpoise inside myself.
It was only after I ‘came like a piston engine’ that we decided to formally introduce ourselves. I suppose it wasn't the first time that I’d wanked about someone without knowing their name. Anyway, Art––meet Danny.
Apparently, Art was at home today and asked whether he could tempt me into an afternoon of debauchery. He invited me to come around to his place at midday.
Despite coming less than five minutes ago, I really wanted to meet up with him. I did actually haveanother date lined up later, though. I’d never doubled up before and was quite excited about ticking this milestone off.
