Page 27 of The App Trap
“No shit? What’s the most dates you’ve had in a day?” I asked.
“Eight.”
“Okay, that’s actually impossible,” I protested.
“No, it’s not. I just parked up in a Starbucks all day and told each of them that I was only available for half an hour. Once I’d had enough of them, I’d fake leaving the place. Then I’d hide around the corner for five minutes and go and wait for the next one. Or just tell them to do one if they were dicks.”
“Wow, you’re not pissing about, are you?”
“Well, it’s ridiculous to expect anyone to do the monogamy thing these days with this much choice,” he replied, hoovering his drink whilst flicking through a new datingapp.
“It’s impossible to settle for one person, although some peoplestilldo, would you believe?” he continued.
“Yeah, I’m beginning to understand that.”
He edged in closer.
“Serial-dating’s the norm these days. You’ve just got to embrace it. People are too busy to even spend time looking at anything longer than a six-second TikTok these days.”
“Six seconds. How the hell are we expected to focus our attention on having an actual relationship? There are too many fit blokes to ignore. As soon as I get chatting to someone semi-decent, someone else pops up. I just end up chatting to them and forgetting about the other one. And these sites keep giving you recommendations as well. It’s like Amazon. Ooh, because you went out with Richard, 30, you may like David, 28 as well.”
“Yeah. It’s fun though, right?” chuckled Ben.
“Oh, for sure. It’s great.”
“Life’s all about having fun and doing the things that make you happy. Christ knows, there’s so much shit in the world we can’t control, so why not make the most of these gifts that we’ve been blessed with? Sex makes me happy, so I do it. A lot. Besides, you’re never going to find the perfect partner. There are always at least one or two ingredients missing.”
“Sex makes me happy too,” I said.
“So, do lots of it, then. Where’s the fire? As long as you're honest about not hurting anyone, I can’t see any problem. I meanyouknow better than anyone the sort of trouble you can get in if you tell porkies,” said Ben, with a sultry wink.
“Yes. Honesty. That’s the bit I need to nail,” I said, hanging my head theatrically.
“Oh, you’re crap at it. If you lie, you always get foundout. If you want sex and nothing more, just say. There are plenty of fellas out there the same. Just don’t make any promises to anyone if you're not feeling it,” said Ben, with the first hint of seriousness that I’d ever seen in him.
“But I do kind of want to meet someone. And I know my mum wants me to. She might not have long, and you know…”
Ben hung his head down low.
“Again, I’m sorry for what Luke did. Like I said, he feels really shit if that’s any consolation.”
I nodded in acceptance of his apology on behalf of Luke and slurped some of my drink, staring at the top of Ben’s chest until he spoke again.
“Do you really want to meet someone? Have you ever thought that maybe you just think that you do, because society has led you to believe that it’s normal? Nobody I knowreallywants to be monogamous. Think about all of your married friends. I bet they’re all living their single lives through you, asking you for pictures of all your dates and about all the sex you're having. Am I right?”
“100%, actually.”
“Some of them are happy to live like that, wanking about the stories you tell them, others actually take the plunge and have affairs. But they’ll always get caught in the end. My friend Amy’s been unhappily married for years, and then suddenly she bumps into this old friend of hers after years of not having seen each other. There’s always been a sexual connection between them, and some unfinished business, as it were. Anyway, they meet up for a drink, nothing happens, but they become Facebook friends. They start chatting on messenger, and eventually the chat gets a bit saucy. Then she just comes right out with it and says,‘Look, we’re gonna end up licking Nutella off each other’sgenitals, so let’s just crack on with it and get a hotel.’While all this chat is happening in the safety of her messenger app on her phone, hubby is at home on the laptop, where Amy’s left her Facebook logged in.”
“Ouch!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, the price of technology, eh? My point is, don’t just try and find someone because you think you’re supposed to, or because your mum wants you to. Do what you want to do. Your mum wants to see you happy. She doesn't want to see you with someone just for the sake of it. You need to chill out and enjoy yourself. Stop looking for the perfect man. He doesn't exist. Well, apart from me of course, but I think between us, we’ve both managed to fuck that right up.”
I let out an awkward laugh as he snatched my phone from the table.
“What’s your passcode?”
I snatched it back, entered my newly formulated passcode with my hand cupped around the screen, and handed it back to him.
