Page 90 of Fever Dream
I have never been more motivated to win a game in my life, the Dragon’s recent grudge match included. And we do win. We win a super rare away game, the Fever’s first since I arrived at the club. And while I don’t want to confirm the rumours about me in this intense public forum, I make sure I send a thank you clap towards the rainbow army, something I’m sure is also being broadcast across national television.
But it’s one of the best feelings in the world. Honestly it is. Well, one of the best feelings in the world but it pales in comparison to the feeling I get every time Harrison Thornfield walks into the room.
And I think maybe it’s time he knew that too.
CHAPTER 32
harrison
Istare at the gloomy, grey ceiling, accepting I’m in for another night of restless sleep when I hear the sound of persistent knocking on my apartment door. I roll over and check the time on my phone. It’s a few minutes before midnight.
I know who it is. The Fever were due to fly straight out of Adelaide after their game against the Firetails this evening, so I know it’s him. My heart gives a swift resounding kick in my broken chest as I throw off the covers and rush to the door.
Casey stands on my doorstep, windswept and exhausted but still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. He chokes up when he sees me, probably clocking the mess I’ve made of myself this week, the dark circles under my eyes, the tangle of messy curls.
“Casey,” I rasp. He doesn’t hesitate, stepping straight into my arms, right to where I need him most.
Why did I let him go last week? I thought I was doing the right thing, but I think I might have gotten it monumentally wrong what with the way he is trembling in my arms, my shoulder growing damp from his tears. What did I do to him?
“I’m sorry,” I breathe out, pulling him in tighter as his arms lock around my waist. I inhale him into my lungs. “I’m sorry.”
We stand like that for a long time. A really long time. I let my hands soothe him, stroking his back, running my fingers through his hair as he just buries himself in my neck and cries. I think I owe him a million apologies. Maybe more.
I should have known this would be the result of my attempt to be self-sacrificing and heroic. Saving Casey from himself. Saving the Fever from imploding.
I am an idiot. A monumentally, stupid idiot.
At long last, Casey pulls back from me, those beautiful blue-green eyes red rimmed and glassy. I hate myself.
“Don’t ever push me away again, Harrison Thornfield,” he rasps, more meaning in those words than I have ever heard from him.
“No,” I promise. “I won’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Casey.”
“You should be. I had a shit week,” he tells me.
“So did I,” I admit. If it wasn’t for Sonny and Izak I think I might have gone mad this last week. Even Ben dropped in to make sure I was okay. He didn’t ask me anything about the rumours but I appreciated his support all the same.
Casey’s still clutching onto me and I have a feeling he’ll need a tonne of physical contact and reassurance if I have any chance of making this up to him. I lead him towards the sofa, pulling him down beside me. He clings on, knees pressed to mine, but I can see he still has words to say to me. And I need to hear them.
“Did you see the game today?” he asks.
“Yeah, I saw it,” I smile softly, rubbing circles with my thumb over the back of his hand.
“It was … incredible, Harry. There was so much support for me at the game. From theoppositioncheer squad too,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief. “It wasn’t all good though. You should know that too. I had plenty of slurs called out at meduring the game. Which I expected. But the thing is, Harrison, I only heard the love from the crowd. I blocked out all the bullshit and focused on the good things.”
“There will be plenty more negativity than that,” I say, stroking the hair from his forehead. I don’t know why I say it, but I just need him to know a future with me will not be all sunshine and roses.
“I know,” he agrees with a nod of his head. “But Harrison, I don’t care about that. I don’t care about ignorant people and their ignorant views. All I care about …allI care about is you.” He chokes up again and I give him a moment to breathe through it as my heart starts to restitch itself together after I took a set of sharp pins to it last week.
“If I could go back in time and rewrite my list of goals on my whiteboard at home,” he continues, taking in a shaky breath. “You would be my new number one, Harrison.You. You’re more important to me than playing football or winning a flag or even winning the Brownlow. I’d give it all up for you.”
“Casey,” I sigh, my turn to choke on my words. “I don’t want you to give it all up, baby. I want you to have everything you dreamed of. You deserve it all and you’ve worked too hard to give it away.”
“Then don’t make me,” he says, more forcefully than I expect from him.
I watch him for a moment longer, and I see the resolution in his eyes. It answers all the fears and doubts that made me push him away this week. Answers plenty more too about how much he openly loves me, how much he’s willing to risk to be with me. I shift closer, holding his precious face in my hands.
“You really think you can do this?” I ask, just to make sure.
