Page 53 of Fever Dream
“I’m not being weird,” I repeat, voice quiet and full of nasty, cheap lies. Harrison just closes his eyes, shielding himself from me with one sharp nod that feels like a stab to my heart.
“Okay. Fine,” he says as he turns to leave.
But I can’t let him go, not like that. Not now I’ve seen the hurt and devastation on his beautiful, perfect face. And I know I’ve been a selfish prick about this, but I can’t leave it like this. I can’t let my Harrison feel this kind of hurt and have me be the cause of it. So I reach out and grab his wrist before he can leave.
“Wait,” I say. I feel him stall, feel his eyes on me but I can’t look at him. I don’t want to see the hurt I know is in his eyes. “Yes, I’ve been weird. I know I have and I am so sorry, Harrison.”
“Why, Case?” he rasps, failing to hide the devastation in his voice. “I thought you of all people would be okay with me. About who I am.”
“I am okay with it. I promise you, H. I’m okay with it. More than okay, really.”
I glance up at him at those words, seeing the confusion cross his face and it hits me in the gut how much I want him. How much I think I’ve always wanted him. And possibly how much I thought he was always mine. Until last Saturday night and the guy at the bar who destroyed the foundation of this friendship I have with Harrison, this friendship which is not just a friendship. Which has never really been just a friendship.
“Then why?” he asks, voicing the only question left between us. I don’t know how to say it to him, don’t quite have the words for either of us.
And that’s when I decide I need to show him instead. I look up at him, gather every scrap of nerve I possess, and say, “This is why.” Then I tug his wrist, step towards him and close the last divide that exists between me and Harrison Thornfield and plant a kiss on those pink pillowy lips. His gasp of surprise makes me hesitate for half a beat before he’s suddenly kissing me back, firm and soft all at once as I get a taste for the lips I’ve been thinking about for a lot longer than I care to admit.
He pulls back just enough to say, “You’re kissing me.”
“Yes,” I chuff, lips never leaving his as he angles his head to deepen the connection.
“Why?” he asks between kisses.
“Because I want to,” I reply, relishing when he steps closer into me, my back hitting the pantry shelf as he deepens the kiss between us.
“This is a really bad idea,” he pants between another kiss. His body says otherwise as he presses even closer and I let my hands slide up into his hair as his hands meet my hips.
“I know,” I agree, tugging on those gorgeous curls as he moans and sinks his tongue into my mouth. The fire it sparks inside me is not what I was expecting, and it rages until he becomes all I can think about, endorphins racing through my system and chasing out every last doubt I was holding onto. I was worried about blowing up my friendship with Harrison, and I’m still worried about that to be honest, but kissing him feels so very, very right—like the natural progression of our relationship, the last step we were waiting to take.
I’m panting into his mouth as his hand slides up to cup my jaw and he angles my head just the way he wants it. It turns me on more than I expect. Nobody has ever taken control of me like this, and I moan desperately as he plunges his tongue into my mouth, answering a million questions with each lick of his tongue against mine. Oh he tastes amazing.
The slide of the back door has us both jumping as we pull away from each other, shock marking his face. We’re both drawing in breaths as we look at each other, neither of us clear about where this kiss has just taken us.
Sonny appears in the pantry entryway and we both step back again, me into the shelf I’m already pressed up against. We look guilty as fuck and it’s obvious in the way Sonny looks between the two of us, the question clear in his eyes.
“I was just … getting this,” I stammer, reaching behind me to grab onto the first thing I can find. I pull out a box of muesli and curse internally at Sonny’s raised eyebrow.
“Interesting,” he replies. “Do you have any more corn chips? Izak is still hungry.”
“Ah, yeah,” I grapple, spinning around and rifling through the shelves for a fresh bag of corn chips. I bring out the packettriumphantly before handing it to Sonny with a slightly manic grin. “Here you go.”
“Thanks,” he pans, eyeing me speculatively before turning on his heel and leaving me alone with Harrison to deal with the fallout of that kiss.
“Do you think he knows?” I ask, eyeing Harrison as he leans back against the wall, hands hidden behind him.
“I mean, there’s nothing at all suspicious about us being caught hiding in the pantry,” he returns. It takes me a second to catch on that he’s being ironic, and I bite down on the panicked laugh that wants to break free.
“No. Nothing at all suspicious,” I agree, letting out a whoosh of air.
“So …” Harrison begins, and I realise my time is up. I can’t hide from him any longer. “You did kiss me, right? That wasn’t me imagining things?”
“No, your recall is perfect,” I reply, surveying him the way he surveys me. Like he can see straight through me.
“Why did you kiss me, Case?” he asks after an awkward yet poignant pause.
I sigh and scrub my hand through my still wet hair, searching for answers beyondI wanted to. He deserves more than that. “Because, seeing you with that guy in the bar last weekend made me think that … well, it made me realise that I think of you as mine and you looking at someone else destabilised that foundation. That’s also when I realised that maybe I wanted it to be me who you looked at like that. Me who got to touch you that way. Me who got to kiss you.”
Harrison huffs out a dramatic breath, a tinge of humour on his face. And finally,finallythat sweet dimple emerges. I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed it this week. “Casey, Idolook at you like that. God knows how hard I’ve tried not to but I sure as hell have failed exponentially.”
