Page 52 of Fever Dream
He’s standing on my doorstep like he’s done a hundred times before, brown curls galore and chestnut eyes flanked by thick lashes, plush pink lips curved in a small smile as he surveys me. He’s beautiful. So very, very beautiful. Did I always know that? Or is this a new realisation?
No, of course it’s not new. I’ve always thought Harrison Thornfield was gorgeous.
“Hey,” he says, voice deep and throaty. Something twists in my gut.
“Hi,” I say. The delay in knocking back the door for him to enter is pronounced but neither of us says anything as he finally steps past me and I am assaulted by that citrus and sage scent that envelopes me in a warm, cosy hug. It’s the smell of home—of feelings of warmth and cosiness.
And something else perhaps as thatthingI’ve been feeling lately throbs deep inside.
I clear my throat. “Ah, Sonny and Izak are out the back.”
“Oh,” Harrison says, looking up at me in surprise. And perhaps … is that a hint of disappoint I do detect? “I didn’t realise you’d invited anyone else.”
“Oh, well, the more the merrier,” I choke, wondering if I might have stuffed this up already.
“Sure,” Harrison replies, eyeing me for a beat too long. I clear my throat again and lead the way through the house to the back deck where Sonny and Izak are making the most of the heated pool. I love my small outdoor space with the grey tiles around the rectangular pool, lit up with underwater lights. It’s lush andgreen out here too, like a tropical paradise with huge banana leaf figs, Bangalow palmsand birds of paradise.
And now Harrison who makes any space he’s in look even more bright and vibrant.
Harrison is a warm presence at my side but I feel like I’m being swept underwater despite the fact I’m standing on solid ground.
“Hey, Thornfield,” Sonny calls from where he’s lounging on a large inflatable donut. “Jump in.”
“Okay,” Harrison replies. I busy myself with the small drinks table so I can at least pretend not to watch as Harrison sheds his top and trackpants to reveal the blue and green swim trunks underneath. Except, gosh he has a nice body, trim and toned all over and perfectly proportioned. I should know. I’ve seen every inch of him.
He uses the steps at the shallow end to slide into the water until he’s submerged, and I am left to mourn the loss of his gorgeous, bouncy curls as they flatten to his head. I clear my throat yet again and turn to where I’m fiddling with a bottle label before setting it aside.
I’m the only one not in my own pool and I am feeling slightly self-conscious as I strip off my top. I’m wearing loose boardshorts because I was trying to be thoughtful towards my future self in case any … dilemmas should arise.
I feel Harrison’s eyes on me as I rush to the deep end and dive bomb right beside Sonny. I manage to tip him off the donut at the same time and his outrage is more hilarious than anything as he instantly dives on my back to push me under the water.
Harrison watches on with an amused expression as Izak and Sonny gang up on me to take me down. But I am not easily defeated even if they do leave me out of breath and slightly waterlogged by the time we call a truce. A truce I immediately break the second we all relax and it’s all on again.
The pizza fortuitously arrives before we get too out of hand, and we descend on the food like a pack of vultures. Well, the three rowdy footballers do. Harrison exudes class and sophistication as always, striking me once again how different we are.
There’s no parental figure around to stop us from going straight back in the pool after eating so I jump back in for a game of volleyball with Sonny and Izak while Harrison stretches out on a sunlounge and flicks through his phone. I have half an eye on him the whole time, watching as his curls slowly spring back to life, watching the way he just as frequently flicks his eyes at me.
Izak and Sonny eventually leave the pool until I’m the only one left in the water. I really want to get out but the boys have taken the two furthest sunlounges, leaving the only free spot right beside Harrison. But my skin is slowly shrivelling away so I decide to ascend from the pool. Harrison’s eyes are there in an instant, flicking down the length of my body, lighting a trail of fire in their wake until his gaze lands on my boardshorts.
I can’t sit next to him now. I feel like I’m itching from the inside out and I don’t know how to be a normal human being around him. I snatch my towel from the table and rub it over my hair and body, stomach swirling with some kind of anxious anticipation.
Harrison looks up at me at the same time I look at him and I feel my breath stolen away. Fuck. When did he get so breathtakingly hot that I can’t even breathe in his vicinity any longer?
“I um, I’m just getting something,” I stammer, escaping into the house. I’m still exposed here in the kitchen, so I beeline for the pantry, hiding out there like the coward I have become. I take a few moments to draw in some shaky breaths, wondering how my life took such a dramatic turn this week.
“Casey?”
I jump at the sound of his voice, spinning around to find Harrison not two feet from me, unreadable expression on his face while I clutch at my suddenly racing heart.
“Harry. Hi,” I stammer. “Sorry. You caught me by surprise.”
“I can see that,” he returns, amusement sliding across his face before it drops. He sighs softly before those chestnut eyes hit mine and I suddenly can’t breathe again. “You’ve been acting weird with me, Case. I want to know why.”
Okay, so perhaps my weirdness wasn’t as inconspicuous as I thought. I was not prepared for him to call me out on it though which is why I grapple and say, “I’m not acting weird with you.”
He huffs out a breath, leaning back against the pantry wall. “Yes. You are. You’ve been weird all week. Ever since last weekend when you found out about me. Casey, you said you were fine with it. You said you wouldn’t be weird about it, but you are. You are being weird about it and I’m … it’s really stressing me out.”
Something clutches at my chest and squeezes like a vice, pain stabbing my system with the knowledge that I have hurt him. But I can’t, I can’t tell him why. I don’t even know why myself. And I know he deserves more from me, but I can’t give it to him right now. Not just yet. Not while I’m still flailing apart in the deep end.
