Page 31 of Fast Break
I still. I need to know whatormeans. I need to know whatormeans so badly that I say nothing, waiting breathlessly until he finishes his sentence.Or what?
“Or you can stay here again. You seem really tired.”
I grasp onto that, needing some excuse as to why I am so ready and eager to accept his invitation to spend another night in his room. In his bed. With him. Consciously this time.
“I am tired,” I agree.
“You want to stay then?” he asks.
“If that’s alright.”
“Course it is,” he says. “Lucky I kept your toothbrush from last week.”
“Small mercies,” I smile, aware that I can’t look away from his eyes. But he hasn’t looked away from me either. A heaviness settles into the space between us as we sit facing each other. I’m not afraid to admit I don’t know what to do with myself or the way my emotions are tumbling around me. So I grasp for the only thoughts still managing to cut through to break the silence.
“I don’t think Jace likes me much,” is what I say.
“That’s okay,” Quinn replies, not even attempting to deny it. “He’ll come around.”
“It’s because he likes you, you know.” I just say it. I don’t know why but I kind of just want to have this conversation with Quinn once and for all. I am always wondering about him and Jace and I guess I just need to know what they are to each other. Quinn chuckles softly before he moves to sit on the sofa beside me.
“I know,” he says. I swivel to face him, hyperaware of all the places our knees touch. Neither of us moves away.
“You do?”
“He’s just a friend,” he adds, pressing in a little closer.
“Does he know that?”
Quinn lets out a low sigh. “I don’t know.”
“Have you and him ever … you know?” I probe.
“You ask a lot of questions about Jace, JT,” Quinn comments, an amused tilt to his lips.
“I know. I just …” I don’t know what else to say so I let my words die on the wind.I just need to know if you like him.
“Okay then let me be honest with you about Jace,” Quinn says. I perk up as his hand moves onto my knee, fingers brushing the skin through the rips in my jeans. He seems almost unaware of the movement even though I suspect he is. I think I would be having a heart attack if I wasn’t also keenly hanging on to Quinn’s answer. “When we were in year ten, both of us freshly out, we made out when I was over at his house. It happened only once and both of us decided we just liked each other as friends.”
I swallow, not quite ready to hear the confirmation that Quinn and Jace have kissed. I can picture it in my head, the two of them like that. I don’t like it one bit.
“But why?” I ask anyway.
“Why what?”
“Why don’t you want to be with him? He’s gay. You’re gay …”
“And you think I just hookup with anyone who happens to be gay?” Quinn quirks, eyebrow raised. His fingers pause on my knee and I wish they would go back to that leisurely stroking.
“Sorry. That sounded really dumb out loud. I didn’t mean it like that,” I say, mentally hitting myself over the head.
“It’s okay, JT. I know what you meant.”
“I meant he’s really nice looking. Not as pretty as you but I can see why you might like him.”
Quinn glances up at me sharply. “You think I’m pretty, JT?”
“I um, I mean … Did I say that out loud?”
