Page 2 of Meet You Half Way
And then Nick had slowly leant his head forward, dipped his mouth as those full lips I had dreamed a million dreams overfinally,finallymet mine. And he had kissed me and it was everything I had ever hoped, dreamed and imagined it to be.
And then he had peeled my swimmers down my legs and given me the best blowjob of my life that it had been all I could do to pray to the Madonna and thank the universe for this greatest of gifts.
Nick and I had snuck around for the first few weeks, hiding out in each other’s bedrooms until our housemate, Rob, finally knocked on my door while we were lying together and told us to quit treating him like an imbecile. I’d almost had a panic attack while Nick had just laughed hysterically. He had always been like that though, always able to see the best in every situation while I catastrophized. The sunshine to my gloom. The best parts of me.
We’d never managed to say those three little words to each other, no exchanged declarations of love, no whisperedI love yousin the dead of the night. I wished I’d had the braveness to say it to him back then, the words I felt at my heart, at my very core. Now I’d always be left wondering. Wondering if he would have said the words back to me if I’d been brave enough to say them first. If it would have changed things between us if he knew how much I loved him. Whether he would have stayed.
But it didn’t change the facts. Nick never said he loved me in all the months we were together. Not like that day only a month ago when he admitted to me that he loved Ajay after only a matter of weeks with him. How that had hurt.
But by then it had all been over between us. And it was all because of me. I had nearly killed Nick’s sunshine, crushed him with my debilitating need for secrecy. Because nobody could know what Nick was to me. Nobody but him and now Rob and now Nick’s parents. The net kept on widening and my panic had grown each day until I crushed him.
And he’d left me. Left me and left our home and moved back in with his parents to his beautiful Hampton’s home on the coast.
Part of me was so convinced that we were destined, that Nick was a part of me and me a part of him that it was only a matter of time. Only a matter of time before one of us cracked, either him accepting me in all my closeted glory or me caving and telling my family about me and living with their reproval and rebuke. Their disappointment and disdain. Their hate.
But neither of those eventualities had played out in the end and now I had to just sit by and watch as Nick fell irrevocably in love with bloody Ajay Olivier. I hated the guy. I honestly did. He’d stolen my one true love from me and I would never forgive him for it.
“You’re looking mighty serious there, Mateo.” I glanced up, falling out of my trance as the kind face of my boss, Dante, came into view. He was perched on the edge of his massive architect’s desk while I had been caught out in my downward spiral, a place I had found myself dwelling in more and more with each passing day.
I owed Dante better than this. He’d given me this job as a trainee draftsperson in his small architect firm despite my complete lack of qualifications and education. Sure, it was a family favour but that was how our small community of ex-pat Italians functioned. Even if I didn’t actually want to work as a draftsperson. Didn’t mean I needed to take his kindness for granted. Especially as I considered Dante closer to me than even my own parents.
“Sorry,” I returned, sucking in a deep, calming breath. “I’ll get back onto those blueprints now.”
“I’m not worried about the blueprints, Mateo,” Dante continued, his Italian accent as thick as my parents. He had come from a village in the same province of Trieste as us whichbasically made him blood as far as our family were concerned. He was much older than me but he was a dead set silver fox with his dark olive skin and thick black hair with its distinguished grey streaks. If I hadn’t viewed him as a parental figure I might well have been in trouble. Well, that and his doting wife, Giulia, who I loved as an aunt.
“You’ve been in a dark mood for weeks,tesoro. Something’s troubling you,” Dante pressed. I leaned back in my chair, knowing there was no way he would be letting this go. That was not his way and truthfully, he was pretty much the only person on the planet who could get me to open up. But there was no way in hell I was telling him the real reason for my despair.
“It’s honestly nothing, uncle,” I tried to assure him. The artfully raised eyebrow on his handsome face told me he hadn’t bought what I was selling.
“No? Well how are those friends of yours going then? Maybe they can get you out of your funk if you won’t talk to me.”
“Bit hard to pin them down,” I admitted quietly. “Rob has been seeing Kat a lot lately and Nick …”
“Yes? What of Nick?” Dante pressed, leaning in closer.
“I haven’t seen him much lately either. He’s been spending a lot of time up in Sydney with his new boyfriend,” I told him, trying to keep the heartache out of my tone. It had also been Nick’s suggestion that we give each other this time and space. He’d told me I needed space to move on from him and he’d needed space to focus on his relationship with Ajay. Both were ridiculous suggestions. As if I could ever move on from him. But I could see the way Dante’s brows had risen again, a look of confusion crossing his face.
“Boyfriend?” he mulled, scratching his jaw. I wasn’t sure why he was surprised by that news. Nick had always been open about his sexuality and in a small town like ours it was pretty common knowledge. “But I thought …”
“You thought what?” I asked, a stab of panic slicing through me at where Dante’s thoughts had just gone. He glanced back at me, confusion and sadness sliding across his face before it was abruptly gone.
“Never mind,” he said with a shake of his head. “But I imagine that must be difficult for you. You and Nick were always so … close.”
My eyes found his before I quickly glanced away again. I had often wondered if Dante knew about me. Whether he’d figured it out on his own or whether the way I spoke constantly of Nick had clued him in. I couldn’t panic too much about it though. He could never know. He was too close to my parents and there was no way he could ever know the truth.
“I suppose,” I offered instead.
“And you? Do you have any jobs in Sydney planned? Maybe getting up there for a bit yourself would do you some good,” he asked.
“Nothing in the pipeline at present but I should know in the next couple of weeks,” I told my boss. That was the other amazing thing about Dante. I had a contract with Sydney’s top modelling agency which often required me to travel at the drop of a hat, usually to photoshoots or fashion shows three hours away in Sydney. Dante was incredibly accommodating about my side career.
Although truthfully, I’d been travelling up to Sydney for weekend breaks since the moment I could drive. And not just for modelling shoots. I remembered driving there the day after I got my driver’s license at the age of seventeen. I’d driven straight to the nearest gay club I could find on Google maps and talked my way in without even needing a fake ID. It was amazing what a face like mine could get away with. I knew it and I was not afraid to admit I used my looks to my advantage.
The bartender had not been so easily fooled but he’d poured me a soft ginger beer and I had taken barely a sip before a guy slid onto the stool beside me. I hadn’t even cared what he looked like but I saw the way his eyes had drunk me in, that slightly starstruck look in his eye that men often got when they looked at me. Women too for that matter.
“How old are you?” he’d asked in a gravelly voice.
“Old enough,” I shrugged.
