Page 76 of Meet You in the Waves
“Maybe we need to do that now,” I continued. “Give each other the space we both probably needed. You should focus on what you really want, M. Even if that doesn’t involve telling your parents about you, you should tell Tate. She deserves to know.”
“I know,” he agreed, voice barely above a whisper.
“And I kind of need to just focus on Ajay right now,” I told him, hard words to hear but something I needed to say. “It’s newand it’s early days but I don’t think he’s going anywhere and I need to see where this thing is going between us. I know this dynamic hasn’t been the easiest for the three of us.”
Mateo nodded his head as he sniffed and swiped at his nose. “It’s been hard to watch you move on. Harder than I thought it would be.”
“I know, M,” I sighed gently. “But I think this is for the best. Let’s give each other the space we need. Just for a bit. You’ll have Rob and when we’re both ready, you’ll have me again too. As your best friend.”
He didn’t say anything but I felt him nod against my chest and I felt a little bolt of relief. I didn’t want to lose my friendship with Mateo. It had been the defining part of our relationship for so many years and those few months together didn’t need to ruin everything else. I knew he agreed with me even if this felt like we were breaking up all over again.
“Okay, Nick,” he eventually said, lifting his head from my shoulder and wiping at his eyes. “I’m sorry if I made a mess of things with you and him.”
“You didn’t,” I assured him, holding back the smile that Mateo still couldn’t bring himself to say Ajay’s name. Mateo pulled himself up to standing and I did the same and we stood facing each other awkwardly on the front porch. “Will you be okay?”
“I’ll get there,” he said with a little nod. “Good luck. With you and him.”
“Thanks.”
“Bye, Nick.”
“Bye, Mateo,” I replied, feeling the full weight of meaning behind these farewells. He watched me a few moments longer, eyes still full of that earlier anguish but slightly more resolute before he turned and walked away from me. I waited until hehad closed the door on his car and driven away before I let out the breath I had been holding.
That conversation had been a difficult one but I felt a weight lift off my shoulders as I stepped back inside the house. My heart hurt for Mateo but I knew this was for the best. Hindsight was always a wonderful thing and I knew now we should have given each other space when we broke up instead of carrying on this weird pretence that everything was all right between us.
Dane was in the kitchen when I stepped back into the living room, my eyes instantly searching for Ajay but not finding him.
“What did you do to Ajay?” Dane asked, eyes narrowing on me.
“Nothing,” I replied. “Why?”
“He just came in a moment ago looking really upset and then said he was going for a walk down the beach,” Dane told me as a sinking feeling headed straight for my gut.
“Shit,” I said. So many boy dramas to deal with tonight. All of them of my own making. I puffed out a breath of air and then headed for the back door, knowing I needed to chase my boy down and get whatever was in his head about what he thought he’d seen on the front porch out of there.
“Nick?” Dane called. I paused, hand on the door handle as I swivelled towards my brother, impatient to get to Ajay. “He’s my best friend. Don’t fuck him up.”
“That’s the plan,” I huffed, pushing open the door and heading out into the cool night air. That sea breeze had picked up again and I felt it snake through my hair as I jogged down onto the soft sand of the beach. Night was in full swing but the moon was bright, shining a silver path on the water. I looked in each direction of the beach but I couldn’t see anything. At least, not the boy with the brown curls and those big brown eyes I knew would be filled with sadness.
I hedged my bets, guessing that Ajay would have headed south, away from the more built up stretch of beach to the less populated part where the estuary flowed into the ocean.
I walked, the soft sand cool under my feet as the breeze whipped through my hair and I shuddered. I was not going to give up on this with Ajay even if I had to walk all the way to Sydney. But I knew my boy and my guess proved correct when the moon suddenly shone down to highlight those curls I had grown to love and adore.
Ajay’s eyes found me as I walked steadily towards him. He was lying down on the sand, resting on his elbows as he looked out at the ocean. I sank onto the sand in front of him, that sadness I had expected to see in his eyes like a punch to the gut.
“Ajay,” I whispered, his name like a prayer. “I’m guessing you saw me and Mateo on the front porch.”
He said nothing as his head dropped back on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Nick,” he replied.
“It’s not what you think,” I told him, itching to close this distance between us and take him in my arms. “Mateo showed up on my doorstep and we talked. It was just … a final piece of closure really. I told him that he and I were a thing of the past and that I wanted to be with you. We decided to give each other space to move on. You don’t need to be jealous of anything, baby.”
Ajay sighed, the sound a soft torment to my soul. “I’m not jealous, Nick. I trust you.”
“Then what?” I asked, inching closer to him.
“I’m just … sad, I guess,” he admitted. “I’ll be gone in two days and you’ll still be here. And Mateo will still be here too. You both belong here and I don’t. And I … I guess that’s just making me feel sad.”
I said nothing, his words not what I had expected to hear from him but I latched onto them anyway, knowing this was my best chance.
