Page 64 of Meet You in the Waves
It was getting late in the evening and I was starting to yawn. We’d finished off the pizzas that Nick had ordered but the game was still going and it didn’t look like it would be ending any time soon. Part of me wanted to stay where Nick was but the other part was recognising how exhausted my body was.
I eventually caved, holding Nick’s eye during a pause in the game.
“I’m gonna head upstairs,” I said, words for him but audible to the others.
“You sure?” he asked. I could see he was torn but I didn’t want him to let down his friends for me. He could come up after they had gone. I knew I would wait for him.
“Night all,” I said.
“Night, Tassie,” Rob replied, sending me a little fist bump. Mateo ignored me but that was entirely consistent with how he’d treated me all evening. Nick’s eyes tracked me as I made my way towards the stairs but he let me go.
I collapsed onto my bed as soon as I’d brushed my teeth. I hadn’t wanted to just go into Nick’s room without being invited. I knew the boys sometimes stayed in there with him and I didn’t want to risk them walking in. And even though it felt strange to be sleeping on my own again I admit my eyes glued themselves shut as soon as my head hit the pillow.
I slept the entire night without waking. I also woke up notably alone, the first time that had happened for nearly a week. It felt strange to not have Nick sleeping alongside me, waking up to his smirking face and wandering hands.
He must have not wanted to wake me last night but I kind of wished he had. Even if just to sleep beside me.
I looked out the window and could see that dawn had just broken, a soft light to the morning sky. The waves looked amazing, curling like ripples of mercury and I jumped out of bed to pull on my board shorts.
Nick wasn’t in his room when I went to check but that wasn’t unusual. He somehow always managed to beat me downstairs before we’d taken to waking up together.
But Nick wasn’t outside either, a fact I discovered for myself as I padded down the stairs. No, Nick was asleep on the sofa, his eyes closed as the morning light crossed his handsome features.
He also wasn’t alone, Mateo’s heartbreakingly beautiful face pressed up on Nick’s chest, their bodies aligned against each other. Nick’s arm was wound around his shoulders while Mateo’s arm wrapped around Nick’s stomach, like he belonged there.
My heart crashed into my ribcage the same way my footsteps stalled. It was all I could do to look down at the two of them, sleeping so peacefully together the way I imagined they had done so many times before. Rob was there too, alone on the second sofa I had left him on only hours ago but that hardly mattered.
Something strange and unrecognisable broke itself in half inside my chest, something I knew I had no right to feel.
I couldn’t look anymore, couldn’t look at the two beautiful men who used to be in love with each other, who had shared a love and a friendship as well as their bodies. Far more than I had ever shared with Nick. I could never compete with their history, the love, the months and months they had shared each other’s hearts and minds. I could never compete with Mateo. We weren’t even in the same stratosphere.
I sucked in a shaky breath, my lungs constricting in on themselves. I had to get out of there, could hardly think or breathe with that vision of them in front of me.
I padded to the front door, praying nobody heard me as I pulled on my Vans and let myself out, closing the door so softly I was sure nobody with human ears could have heard.
And then I walked. I just walked and walked, trying to shut down my mind and the thousands of images it had decided to conjure up for me. Images of Mateo and all his perfect olive skin, those abs I could never compete with, his centrefold looks andhis dark eyes and his blonde tipped hair and everything he was that I was not. How could Nick ever look my way when Mateo was still in his line of sight?
I had no idea how long I walked or even where I was going. I’d headed south, wanting to avoid the town where people would be. I knew I couldn’t hide how I was feeling right then.
I also knew I had no right to feel this way. Nick was not mine, not in that sense anyway. Yes we’d shared an amazing few days and nights with each other, possibly the best days I’d ever had. Definitely the best sex I’d ever had by about a thousand percentage points.
But Mateo, well, he was Nick’s first and he would always be there as a perfect, beautiful reminder.
No. I couldn’t compete with that.
I had just made it to the foot of a walking trail that led up into the hinterland when my phone vibrated in my shorts. I hadn’t even remembered putting it in there but I must have. I pulled it out, heart tearing when I saw it was from Nick.
I hesitated before replying. Part of me wanted to ignore him, to punish him for choosing Mateo over me. But I knew that was petty and beneath me. It was hardly his fault. So I wrote back a message in its simplest truth.
My phone instantly started ringing and I sucked in a jagged breath as Nick’s name came up on the screen. Texting him wasone thing. Talking was another. I knew I wouldn’t be able to act all casual andfineif I talked to him. Like I could just pretend my head wasn’t in a complete and utter mess. All because of him.
The phone rang out and I went to pocket it when it pinged with another text.
He knew I was ghosting him then. Well, that was all right. Better have him think I was ghosting him than know he was silently breaking my heart.
I pocketed my phone and crossed the road, heading towards the pebbled mountain path. Tourists came to this town for a number of reasons, one of which was the Cave Arches at the top of this hill climb. I’d never seen it before and suddenly it became really important that I did. I could hardly say I’d been to this part of the world and missed out on this iconic sight. The one that usually made it to the front of the tourism brochures.
There was a car park alongside the start of the walking trail, already filled with cars. I could have done without all the extra people around but I ignored them as I set off up the trail.
