Page 37 of Shadow Running
Seton stared at me for a moment, then pulled out his notebook.“Well, that’s a lot to digest.Which is the most important, though I imagine it’s the relative?”
I nodded.“If we only have enough time to address one of them this morning, definitely the family matter.”I told him what had happened, and how Konstantine and I had come to realize that he was my uncle.“So…there are so many questions and so many thoughts running through my head that I can barely focus.When I’m busy, it’s easier, but I keep wondering about my mother’s family—the lineage I come from.Also, something odd happened that feels like it might be related.”I then told him about Vaurice and Edward Trask.“I don’t know how they relate, but I just feel they do.I want to go talk to Edward.”
“Don’t,” Seton said.“Donotgo visit Edward.I know you, and you’re not stable enough to handle something like that.I’m afraid you’d lose control.”He gave me a warning stare.“Please, give me your promise?”
“I…I…” If I promised, I’d have to keep to it.
“What are you looking for?”Seton asked, setting down his notebook and leaning forward.“What do you think you might be able to find?”
Whatwasurging me on?What did I think I was going to discover?“I don’t know.Answers, maybe.Answers as to why his brother killed my mother?Did Jace talk about it to Edward?”
“Chances are he didn’t,” Seton cautioned.“They aren’t the same person.When you first came to me, I did some research into your past—into your mother’s death.I’ve known about Edward for a while now.He’s not like his brother, Kyann.He’s an older man, with many regrets.When they found Jace’s body, and the cops investigated, they interrogated Edward, trying to find out if he had anything to do with the murders.”
“Did he?”I asked.“Do you think he truly didn’t know what his brother was doing?”
Seton gently nodded.“Yes, Kyann.I believe him.I watched archived footage of interviews the police kept on file.Edward…if anything…finding out that his brother was a serial killer broke him.He became a virtual recluse.That this Vaurice managed to get him to even open his door surprises the hell out of me.”
I leaned back in my chair, trying to come to grips with the thought that I’d probably never know why Jace did what he did.“I don’t know why this bothers me so much.I thought I’d come to grips with her death, but apparently I haven’t.”
“Kyann,” Seton said.“You can’t expect toeverbe free of the trauma.You can work with it, you can let it go as much as possible, but you willalways carry the scars.And it’s absolutely normal to want answers.But unfortunately, there aren’t any.There’s no way to understand why Jace did what he did, because he was a sociopath.While we understand how they see the world, we can never grasp the core of why.”
Andthat, gut punched me.I would never know why Jace targeted my mother.Why he was able to kill her the way he did and not feel remorse.
“Maybe…I want to hear that he regretted what he did?That somehow he told his brother at some point that he wanted to stop?Though given Penn and I found him with yet another victim, I guess proves that he wouldn’t have stopped until somebody intervened.”
“That, too, is normal.You always hope that someone that evil realizes that what they’re doing is wrong and tries to make amends.But it’s doesn’t always happen, and nothing in the world can fix someone that incredibly broken.”Seton sighed.“I think you need to hit the gym more.Use a punching bag.Kick the shit out of it.”
I listened.I didn’t want to accept what he was saying, but he was right and inside, I knew in my core that if I met Edward Trask, I’d fly off the handle and probably end up in jail.It wasn’t his fault.And he couldn’t tell me what I wanted to know, because there was no answer.
“All right.I promise.I won’t go see him.So what about Konstantine?Is there anything I should consider in getting to know him?”I asked.
“Does he know you’re part demon?”
“Yes, I told him.He seems okay with it.He was able to answer a few questions, by the way.My mother changed her last name when she vanished from their lives.She was pregnant with me, and I think she did so out of fear that she might put them in danger.”
“How do you feel about him?”Seton asked.
I thought about it for a moment.“So far, so good.He seems like a good guy—I don’t have any alarms going off.I feel…like I belong, in a way I never have.My family—my friends—we’re all connected by a bond that goes deeper than blood.But not knowing where you come from can take a toll on you.Now, I have some sense of the past, if that makes sense.”
“Do you think he’d be willing to come to one of our sessions?I can probably smooth the transition for you both.”
I thought about it.“He might.I’m meeting him for lunch today, and I can ask him then.He could probably use some therapy.He never knew what happened to my mother.She vanished what…forty-one years ago?And he and his mother never had any idea of what happened to her.”
“Then call me, if he agrees, and we’ll set up a time.But please, do not visit Edward.And do not tell your uncle about him.He doesn’t need to put himself through that, especially since he just found out about your mother.”Seton stood.“I’m serious, Kyann.Your inner demon can’t handle that stress yet.And your uncle, given he’s human, probably can’t either.Call me if you feel yourself wavering on this.”
“I will,” I said.“And next time we can talk over the sex issue.I need to know if I’m a safe partner to be around.”
“We’ll talk soon,” he said.“Are you good to go for now?”
I nodded.“I think so.Coming here with Konstantine would be helpful.Thanks,” I said, heading toward the door.
“You don’t need to thank me.That’s what I’m here for,” Seton said.
I paused at the door, then turned.“Seton…what did Hecate mean when she called you “Old One”?”
Seton gave a half shrug.“We all have our secrets.I’ll tell you someday.But for now, let it be.”
I nodded, curious but wanting to respect his privacy, and exited the office, closing the door softly behind me.
