Page 21 of Shadow Running
“No, but there’s something more there, I’m telling you.”He rubbed his chin.
“Then dive in.Meanwhile, I’m going to make an appointment with Philip Groveletter out at Windchime Magical Academy and ask him for anything he can dig up on…what was the girl’s name?Riana, that’s it—Longworld’s last victim who cursed him.”
I shuddered, thinking about how terrified she must have been.The true monsters of this world hid beneath smiling façades and glittering cold eyes.And all of those men—for they were mostly men—learned how to lure in their victims.They turned them into possessions, into toys.I thought back to Jace, to that moment when Penn took over and saved me from allowing my demon to run amok.I knew that—in that moment—I never would have been able to rein her in again.And the part of me that craved vengeance applauded Riana for managing to cast a curse in her dying moments.
I called Philip’s office and scheduled an appointment for nineamthe next morning.Feeling drained from the day, I decided to head home early.I waved to the others and headed home.
* * *
Penn haddinner ready to go when I got home.I stretched out on the sofa with Murdoch and Jangles while she bustled around in the kitchen.Usually, I sat with her, talking, but right now I needed to decompress.Penn understood, just like I could sense when she needed the same.
“Jangles, what do I do?”I asked, scratching under her chin.“I don’t know what the hell to think about Konstantine.I’m so used to having no family that…what if I find out things I really don’t want to know?Sometimes it’s easier to stay in the dark.”
As Penn called me to dinner, I told her that I was going to see Philip tomorrow.“I want to find out more about Riana.What kind of curses could she have used…things like that.”
“Would you like me to go with you?I might be able to ask more pointed questions about magic that you might not think of,” Penn asked.
“Sure,” I said.“That’s a good idea.”
Penn ladled out a bowl of tomato soup for me, handing me the platter with several grilled cheese sandwiches on it.I accepted a sandwich, then sprinkle Parmesan over my soup.
“So, what about this guy you met?”I asked.“Did you have time to call him today?”
“No, not yet,” Penn said.“We’ll see.What about you though?I haven’t seen you go out on a date in months.Haven’t you met anybody that you’re remotely interested in?”
I thought about it as the warmth of the soup trickled down my throat.
The truth was, I was afraid I couldn’t trust myself.I had dated occasionally, but each time it felt like there was something roiling beneath the surface.And when I had sex, I felt like I couldn’t let myself lose control.If I did, would something horrible happen?It was easier to take care of my own needs rather than fear harming another.I’d never told Penn about my fears, even though we were best friends.Now, I turned to her.
“Here’s the truth.I’ve never told you this before, because I didn’t want you worrying about me.I might talk to Seton about it, now that I’m more comfortable with him.Or, maybe, Devon, given he’s half demon himself.”
“What is it?”she asked.
“I’m afraid I’ll lose control if I have sex with a human, or even a shifter.While a shifter might be able to handle my strength, no human could.And what if the arousal sends me over the edge?What if my demon comes out and I can’t control her?”I stared at my soup, feeling vaguely embarrassed.
But Penn was Fae — at least,halfFae, and she wasn’t embarrassed about sex, or about nudity, or about any number of things.
“What about when you masturbate?Do you feel like you’re going to lose control then?”
I cleared my throat, shrugging.“Not entirely, though now and then I think I’ve been close.While I am very sexually aware of my body, I have the ability to sublimate my desire.Maybe I’m just suppressing it, and maybe it’s building up, but I can’t shake the feeling that I could be a danger to a lover.”
“You really should ask Seton.This is one question that I can’t help you with.I am glad to know that you’ve actually thought about the subject.That you aren’t writing off any possibility.”She handed me another sandwich.
“I’m not even sure if Iwanta partner.Well, I wouldn’t mind having alover, but I’m not sure I’m geared toward romance.I enjoy my time with my friends, and I love living with you, but I don’t have to change myself.I don’t have to compromise, for the most part.”
Penn laughed.“You had to compromise when I wanted to place pink doilies around the house.That was one argument I didn’t expect to win.”
“What can I say?You didn’t bring a gazillion knickknacks into the house, and I can handle a few doilies.It makes you happy, so it makes me happy.”I grinned at her, then turned back to my soup.But she had spurred off my thoughts.I really did need to talk to Seton or Devon about my situation, if only to calm my fears.
“Well, if you’re not looking for a relationship, and neither am I, we’re going to be just fine here together,” Penn said.“Come on, let’s go watch some stupid movie on TV.”
We cleared the table and then wandered into the living room, curling up with the cats.Mr.Crumbles catcalled us from his cage, but as we turned on the TV and sank into an episode ofSurvive This, a competition show aimed at testing people in unusual circumstances, the evening fell away as the last glimmers of sunlight slowly vanished into the dusk.
CHAPTEREIGHT
Instead of goinginto the office, Penn and I went directly to Windchime Magical Academy.The school was located in East Bothell, off 57thAvenue SE.A huge thicket surrounded the school.Firefly Lane, the main drive, wound through trees and grassy meadows.The school offered boarding for students, and was a village within itself.The school buildings were built of red brick, parts of it weathered and old.Newer buildings had been added on since it first opened in 1935.
I had first encountered the Academy some months back when we investigated the apparent suicide of the then-principal.Well, itappearedto be a suicide, until we dug deeper.
