Page 26 of The Librarians
Hazel pushes up her sleeves—it’s a bit warm inside the Den of Calories. “Sounds a bit like Matthew McConaughey. Supposedly he went around for a whole year at college with an Australian accent.”
“No way!” Astrid can’t believe she doesn’t know this. “What happened after that year?”
“I think he just sat his friends down and said ‘haha, gotcha’ or something of the sort.”
Her kingdom for Matthew McConaughey’s chutzpah! Instead, she was the girl who had absolutely no idea how to unwind the lie.
“I wish I’d done that. I was so happy when I started library school in a different state, only to meet someone who used to live down the hall from me on my first day. And when I came to Austin, guess what, someone from a year ahead of me in library school got transferred here too.”
If she’d had the courage to admit her lies when she first realized their negative impact, two months into her freshman year, she might have lost some friends but she would have gained her life back. Instead she dithered and vacillated and let a silly charade become the ever-crumbling foundation of her life. And she’s not even in touch with anyone she met in freshman year anymore!
“Sometimes it’s easier to come clean to strangers.” Hazel pours soy sauce over the dot of wasabi paste she’d put on her side of the paper plate and mixes the two with the tips of her gleaming travel-size chopsticks. “You don’t need to answer if I’m being too intrusive—but I’m guessing that you also told the truth to Perry?”
Instead of embarrassment, Astrid feels an overwhelming sense of relief: Hazel knows and she understands. “Perry happened to strike up aconversation with me on a day when I didn’t feel like lying. Sometimes I don’t know whether I fell in love with him or with that euphoric feeling of finally being myself for once. For sure when he ghosted me, I didn’t just lose a guy, I lost all hope that a new, different life was still possible.”
She exhales shakily. “Then he came back. Now he’s dead. And maybe I’m in big trouble. Is it terrible that I can’t even feel anything about his death? I just want the police to understand I had nothing to do with it.”
Ever since her interview with the police she’s felt precarious, like a Jenga stack in a room full of overactive kids.
“You’re in shock,” says Hazel firmly. “Grief will come. And when it does, you might wish you were still in shock instead. But in the meanwhile, don’t worry too much. The police will move on when they realize you were just a bystander.”
“Thank you.” Astrid suddenly feels shy. She lowers her head. “Thank you for everything.”
“It was a low-risk offer on my part, to be a pair of willing ears. For you the stakes were much higher. So I should thank you for putting your trust in me. It’s an honor.”
No one has ever said such a thing to her, that it’s a privilege to listen to her story. A warm, liquid sensation spreads inside Astrid. She stares at the paper plate of supermarket sushi and the two mugs of room-temperature wine—what a rare, beautiful sight.
In the end they manage to eat all the sushi—and share a pack of Pocky sticks from the Wall of International Snacks besides. Hazel asks if she can take the rest of the wine home.
“We’re running low on cooking wine and this will last us until I can go to 99 Ranch.”
Astrid must be a bit tipsy, because that strikes her as impossibly funny. She’s still giggling as they lock up the library. Out in the parking lot, she hugs Hazel.
Hazel giggles, too. “Are you sure you can drive home?”
“Yes. I live barely a mile away and I’ll be careful.”
Hazel makes Astrid show her the location of her condo on a map app tomake sure it really is close by before she hugs Astrid again and walks away. Astrid gets in her car and reels—not from alcohol, but the realization that maybe she finally has a friend.
When she’s back home, she finds Hazel’s number from the librarians’ message group and texts,Please tell me that a new, different life is still possible for me.
Her phone buzzes almost immediately.I believe it has already begun. Good luck.
Chapter Nine
Friday
Sophie runs. She’s not exactly comfortable being on foot alone in an unfamiliar neighborhood, but it’s five thirty a.m. right before the end of daylight saving time and the sky is pitch-dark. She comes across only one other jogger, who raises a hand respectfully as they pass each other.
She does a mile and a half before she grits her teeth and ventures onto Fanfare Drive, that cursed street. The moment she does, she sees neon yellow police tape in the distance, flapping in the wind.
The air is cold and clear, yet her nostrils fill with the stench of acetone and rubbing alcohol.
But at least the RAV4 is gone—and the body too.
She reaches her car at five minutes past six and decides to take a risk. She drives to a side street not far from Twin Courtyards Apartments, parks, and runs toward the apartment complex. Yesterday, she, the not-so-proud owner of a brand-new burner phone, used it to call the apartment office while sitting in the parking lot of Home Depot.
Hi. I’m going to take a job at the new Apple campus and I’m looking for a place to live. Do your buildings have exterior cameras? That would make me feel much safer.
