Page 233 of Broken Daddy
Devi shook her head. “I don’t think . . . I didn’t realize . . .” Frustration bit at her. “Urgh. I can’t get this out!”
“Hey, take it easy,” he soothed as he kneeled in front of her. He ran his hands gently up and down her thighs. “Just talk to me. What’s going on, baby?”
He was being so sweet. What had she done?
“Did I go too far? Was I too rough? Did I scare you?”
The absolute horror in his voice made her feel terrible. Why hadn’t she just let him do what he wanted?
“I’m so sorry!” she cried. “I should have just let you do it.”
He flinched back as though she’d hit him. “What? No, baby. A safeword is there to keep you safe. If you need to use it, you should.”
“Aren’t you upset with me?” she whispered.
“I could never get upset with you for protecting yourself,” he reassured her.
There he went, being so amazing again. And she felt like such a freaking failure.
“I am not sure I can forgive myself for scaring you.”
“It’s not that I was scared, exactly,” she told him. “I know that you won’t harm me. It was just . . . I wanted to stop and talk and you weren’t listening to me.”
Hayes stared at her, then he glanced away and swallowed heavily. “Fuck. You said stop and I didn’t listen. You were telling me about your mom and I wasn’t fucking listening. My mind was . . . far away . . .”
“I know you’re so protective because you don’t want anything to happen to me. You thought I could have been harmed and it brought back those feelings of worry about May and you were thinking about how you lost her. I get it. I love that you take care of me. And I’m good with most of the rules. But I can’t live my life in a bubble, Hayes. Which is what I think you’re building here. And I don’t want to sound ungrateful or that I want you to completely stop, just ease up a bit and . . . shit . . . I should have just taken the spanking. It would have been easier.”
There was a long moment of silence, until he reached out and gently cupped her chin, tilting her face back. She stared at him miserably.
“Maybe it would have been easier,” he told her. “But it wouldn’t have been the truth, would it? And the truth is what is important. Protecting you is what is important. And that protection isn’t just physical. I have to look after you emotionally as well. I do want to put you in a bubble. It would make my life so much easier.” He smiled ruefully as she snorted. “But as much as I’d like to pretend otherwise, I do understand what you’re saying. I can protect and look after you, but I can’t . . . smother you.”
“Right. I can’t live in a bubble. Sure, nothing might touch me. But I’d be lonely and sad. That’s not the way to live a life.”
“I just can’t stand to lose you,” he said. “I don’t know if I’d survive.”
She cupped his cheek with her good hand. “I promise to do everything that I can to keep myself safe.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You thought stomping out embers in slippers was a good idea?”
“All right . . . that wasn’t smart. You might need to teach me how to use the fireplace. I’ve never had one. And bad things can happen no matter how careful you are. But you have to promise me if anything does happen that you’ll carry on.”
Hayes scowled. “Nothing can happen to you.”
Right. Maybe she was pushing him too far.
“Nothing will happen to me,” she reassured him. “But say we had children and say somethingdidhappen to me. . . you . . . you’d have to carry on for them. You would do that, right?”
He closed his eyes, looking pained. “Fuck. Your father.”
“I . . . you would have to promise me that you’d look after them if I was gone.”
Opening his eyes, he pierced her with his gaze. “I will, baby. I promise you. I’m not your father. There would be a huge hole inside me without you. But our children would know nothing but love and protection.”
Relief filled her. She smiled, her lips trembling. “I love you, Hayes.”
“I love you too, baby. But this isn’t something you have to worry about because nothing is happening to you.”
She had to grin. “I know it’s not. I know we’re going to live until we’re old and gray and you’re a cantankerous old man. Oh, wait . . .”
