Page 131 of Broken Daddy
“I loved my wife with everything. When I lost her . . . I swore I’d never do that again. And I haven’t . . . I’ve never let anyone close. I can’t even go to our cabin in the woods where we spent so much time because the memory of her there is too strong. And yet I also can’t sell it. Because it was her favorite place.”
Mac nodded. “I still can’t go to Minnie’s favorite spot. It’s this beautiful spot by the river where I proposed to her. Wish I could. I think that might be where I’m most likely to feel close to her. Maybe that’s where I need to say goodbye.”
“How did she die?”
“Cancer. It took her fast, which I hated at first but now I’ve come to realize it was a blessing as it meant that she wasn’t in pain for as long.”
Hayes nodded. “May died of an asthma attack while I was away on deployment.”
“And you blame yourself.”
“Of course I do, how could I not? It was my fault. My fault she’s dead. And what if that happens again?”
Mac shook his head. “Can’t tell you that it won’t. Can tell you that it doesn’t sound like it was your fault at all. Not sure what you thought you could do.”
“Not leave her.”
“Ahh, right, so give up your career on the off-chance something might happen to your wife?”
“Yeah.”
“You know I’m not going to tell you that even if you were home, she still might have died because I know that you know that. I also figure you’ve got enough smart friends that one of them has likely pointed that out.”
“Smart friends?” he questioned.
“All of the people that have turned up here for you,” he said.
Hayes shook his head. “You’ve got that wrong. No one is here for me. Kent’s here because he’s the owner of JSI and he’s protective of the company and his employees. Donovan was already here, obviously. Gwen is here for Rohan’s case and Dominic is her man. He goes where she does. And Liam, I’m not sure why Liam is here. But he works for Kent.”
“Right. That many people came here because Devi was stabbed?” he asked. “Seems unlikely to me. Seems more likely that they’re here because you care about her. And before you argue that, you haven’t left her side since you were allowed in that room. So I know you do. I understand if you can’t act on those feelings, I do. But I’m here to protect Devi. I guess you have to ask yourself if you would prefer to definitely lose her now rather than maybe lose her in the future. Nothing’s guaranteed, Hayes. But if anyone asked me if I’d still have married Minnie, knowing I’d lose her? I’d have told them yes a million times over.”
People had tried to tell Hayes something similar over the years. But he’d never been interested in listening. Of course this was also the first time he’d ever met someone who he thought might be worth the risk, who he could actually let himself care about.
“But if you don’t think that you could love Devi, if she would always be in second place to your wife, then you should walk away. It’s the best thing for her. I’m going to go up and sit with her now. Think about that and consider heading out for a shower and a decent meal. If you can’t give her the life she deserves, walk away.”
Mac left and Hayes sat there, staring down at his empty plate.
What did he really want?
Did he want a life with Devi? Or was it just about keeping her safe?
Would she always play second fiddle to May because he couldn’t let himself love her?
Fuck. The old man was right, much as he hated to admit that. He couldn’t just take her home with him, claiming that it was for her own good, so that she was safe.
Not if she was developing feelings for him.
And he couldn’t deny the feelings he was developing for her.
So this was it. Crunch point. And now he had to make a decision.
Getting out his phone, he let Kent know that he was going to head to the hotel to sleep and shower.
28
Hayes strode out of the bathroom after showering and lay on the bed. He closed his eyes, but he just knew he wasn’t going to sleep.
What was wrong with him?
