Page 129 of Broken Daddy
“Yeah. Thought that I had to do it all myself. That I couldn’t lean on anyone else.”
“Listen, Mac, I appreciate this . . . whatever this is. But I really am old enough that I can take care of myself. And Devi.”
“Yeah? And what if I said this was about taking care of Devi? And how I’m worried that if you’re not at peak condition, you won’t be able to do that. If your body is weak from not eating or getting enough sleep, then you aren’t doing your best by her, are you?”
Fuck.
“Nice play, old man,” he grumbled as he took a bite of the sandwich.
Damn it. He was hungrier than he’d thought he was.
“Like I said, you remind me of me. In some ways. I just . . . I didn’t like other people interfering as I used to call it. And my Minnie, she’d tell me off for getting grouchy over it. For thinking I had to be strong all the time.”
“That’s your wife?” he asked.
“Yes, she’s gone now.”
Hayes knew how to be part of a team. He knew how to ask others for help . . . except that was work.
With May he’d never really asked for help. He should have. He should have had someone fucking check in on her.
Was that on him? His stubborn belief that he had to do everything?
It wasn’t your fault, honey.
“Didn’t mean to upset you,” Mac said carefully.
“I was just thinking that . . . that maybe my wife’s death could have been prevented if I’d been more willing to accept help.”
“I don’t know anything about your wife or your history. But from what I know of you, I doubt that’s true. You have your faults, but you’re very protective. Especially of Devi. Can’t think you would have been any less with your wife.”
They were nice words. But he still wasn’t certain. However, he decided to latch onto something else for the moment while he thought about all of that.
“I have my faults?” he repeated.
Mac’s lips twitched. “Yeah, not sure if anyone has told you this but you can be a grumpy bastard.”
Hayes thought about that for a moment, then, to his shock, he let out a bark of laughter.
Shit. When was the last time he’d laughed?
“You’re right. I am.”
“Devi seems to like you, though. A lot.”
He sobered at that. “Does she?” He’d caught her staring at him sometimes. Getting flustered around him. But right now . . . she didn’t seem to be interested in anything. “She’s not herself right now. She’s . . .”
“Scared? Sad? Upset? Those would all be understandable,” Mac said. “Or is she angry?”
“No. That’s the thing. She’s not really anything. She’s flat. She’s not herself at all.”
“It hasn’t even been forty-eight hours since she was attacked. You have to give her a chance to process. Devi has had a hard life. She probably made it sound like her life was idyllic before her mom, Vi, died. But it wasn’t. They never had much money. Derick always had trouble keeping down a job. Devi doesn’t remember much of that because when her mom got ill things really turned bad for her. But for years, she’s lived on the edge of survival. I honestly don’t know how she’s kept going. When she moved in with Rohan, things were better in some ways. But, let’s face it, living with a gang member isn’t safe for a young woman. Rohan guarded her fiercely, but he couldn’t always be home.”
“What? Are you saying that someone hurt her?” Hayes asked.
“No. I’m saying that she’d sit at home with several locks on the door and the keycode for Rohan’s gun safe. Even though she swore she’d never be able to use it because she hates violence. I think anyone is capable of violence when they’re pushed far enough. But imagine if that time of your life was some of the happiest and safest memories that you have. Then think how much energy and stamina it’s taken for her to keep going and do it with a smile on her face.”
“She’s strong,” Hayes said, thinking that through. She’d been running on fucking empty for years. Probably always alert, always waiting for something bad to happen.
