Page 137 of The Illicit Play
Nothing.
My heart rate kicks up another notch and I grip the railing, my chest vibrating as I expel these shaky, shallow breaths.
A toilet flushes behind the bathroom door, and I flinch. I don’t know who is in there, but they can’t see me like this.
Dashing away from the top of the stairs, I should head to my room and bolt the door behind me, but I think I’ll lose my mind pacing in that space, so I find my feet rushing to Grady’s door instead.
Why?
I can’t even answer that.
I have no idea why I head for his door, but I do.
Shouldering it open, I burst in there and find him sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.
He looks up as soon as he hears me, and our eyes connect for a thick beat.
“Don’t hate me,” I rasp, then suck in a sharp breath.
Rising to his feet, his brown gaze drinks me in—soft and kind—and the second he’s within reach, I fold myself into his arms.
“I could never hate you,” he whispers, cupping the back of my head. “I just want to help you.”
“Why can’t I do it?” I squeak, clinging to the back of his hoodie. “Why am I such a coward?”
“It’s okay,” he murmurs, brushing his lips across the side of my face. “You’re not a coward. You’re brave and strong and smart. You can do this, Bee. And I’ll do it with you. We can go down there together, right now.”
My body stiffens. Everything in me is coiled so tight that I feel like I’m about to break.
“Take me away from here,” I beg him. “Let’s just go back to the forest. I felt safe there and unhindered. No one was judging me or demanding anything of me. I was free. I want to be free again.” My voice starts to pitch, and I’m going to start crying in a second. The tears are brewing, building, threatening to start and never stop.
“You can be free now.” Grady pulls back, holding my face in his hands. “All you have to do is tell the truth. Get this over with, and then you can move on.”
I’m shaking my head, and he must think I’m such a stubborn little shit.
“I can’t just steal you away, baby. As much as I’d love to go back to the forest with you, that would be a really big mistake. You need to face this. And the longer you leave it, the worse it becomes. It’s growing into a mountain so big you can’t climb it anymore. Please, I’m begging you… just rip off the Band-Aid and deal with this.”
His face right now.
He so desperately wants me to come clean, because he cares about me. Maybe.
Or because he’s the kind of guy who likes to do the right thing.
I’ve been doing the right thing my whole life… until I got to Chicago and fucked everything up.
But I don’t want to go back to that rigid path I was walking before.
I want my own life that isn’t controlled by my parents or Cleo!
I just want to be free to do whatever the fuck I want!
Staring up at Grady’s gorgeous face, I drink him in.
I want him.
I want to have him without the shackles of secrecy.
Tears burn the back of my throat as I circle back around to the fact that he’s right. If I want all those things, I have to tell the truth.
