Page 101 of Beauty & Chaos
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I wake up feeling as if I’m hungover even though I never drank anything yesterday. I’m emotionally exhausted. And probably a little dehydrated from flying and sex.
No one ever talks about that. I guess it’s not like you can put a label on someone that saysmake sure you hydrate after one hour.
Travis’s leg is draped over me, pinning me to the bed. Luna is on the pillow looking drugged, as she does when she’s in a deep sleep. And I’m alone with my thoughts.
Everything Travis shared last night comes flooding back. It’s one of the worst crimes a person can commit, in my opinion. Taking a child’s innocence. To have lived through that for so long, repeatedly, having no one he could trust to protect him. It’s unspeakable.
Unthinkable.
“Brook,” Travis rasps behind me.
I turn and we stare at one another, emotions rich in both our eyes. I want to cry.
It’s as if he can read my mind.
“Before you make a decision this morning, remember this.” I reach out, and he brushes his knuckles over my cheek. “You see me as a man—a powerful man—and I am. Don’t ever doubt that.”
I am hardly going to do that.
He’s body is huge, but his presence is much bigger.
“I’m also, despite how hard I have tried to suppress it, still that broken child inside.”
I smile and not. “I know.”
“No, you don’t. I need you to truly understand. There was no way I could remain being Terrance Taylor; the kid who was paraded on red carpets and had his photograph taken, then later that night forced to suck his father’s cock.”
Jesus.
My stomach lurches.
“Being famous means you never get to be anyone else. I couldn’t accept that. So, I changed my identity and built a new life.” His hand is firmer on my face. “No good will come of telling anyone who I am.”
I shake my head, about to tell him I am not going to do that. That I understand. But he stops me.
“I love you. I want you in my bed and in my life.”
I gasp.
Travis loves me?
“When I leave, I need you to take the time to decide how you feel about me, about what I did. Yes, I lied to you. Yes, I planned to use you. But instead, I fell in love with you.”
My lids lower as the pain crushes my delicate heart. The words I never wanted to hear are said.
Can I forgive him?
My brain understands why, but I’m not sure my heart can be okay with what he’s done. He’s not who I thought he was, and yes, there’s a reason for that, but it doesn’t mean I wasn’t deceived.
It still hurts.
It hurts that he didn’t tell me before taking me to Switzerland. I’m sure he knew how he felt then. Or maybe he didn’t.
This is why he knows I need time.
“Before I knocked on your door, I sent you a recording to use on the show. It’s anonymous. I will never reveal who I am to anyone else except Mama,the boys, and now you.”
