Page 35 of The Crimson Lily
He’s right. We have to stop. I let myself collapse to the side of his bed, my head spinning like a hamster wheel now. His posture relaxes, and he crawls by my side. I turn around to meet his eyes. I still need his comfort. I still need him.
“Can you hold me?” I request, though it’s more of a plea.
He does as I ask. He wraps his strong arms around me and pulls me close to his chest. I can hear his heartbeat. I let it rock me close to sleep. As I explore his skin with my index finger, I see the little line of a scar. I kiss it, spontaneously, unsure of what I’m even doing. That’s when I hear his breathing has changed, slowed down. Maksim has fallen asleep.
I want to leave him there and go to the room that has been assigned to me, but his embrace feels so soothing. Hence, I standup, amble to my suitcase, and grab another oversized T-shirt I can sleep in. I find my phone Maksim slipped into my purse and send a message to Béatrice to tell her I’m fine. I also check if she’s fine too. I make it to the bathroom at the end of the corridor, brush my teeth, do all the things I have to do, then slink back next to Maksim. He doesn’t wake up from me squeezing through his arms and curling back up to him. I close my eyes, focusing on the rhythm of his heart again. It just feels right to be here. I feel safe. There’s nowhere else I want to be.
10
Adelicate orange light lands over my eyes, the shimmer of an early morning sunrise. I open them, feeling the strength of a warm embrace around me. I slept in Maksim’s arms, and he still holds me, but our positions have changed. I lie sideways in the cage of his arms, him spooning me. I get a little cautious when I realize one of his hands is around my neck. He doesn’t squeeze hard; he’s just…holding it as if he owns it. I have to admit, I like the feeling it gives me. It’s like I’m his to keep, to possess.
I lay my hand on his wrist and begin to caress his arm. I don’t want to wake him, but I also really need to go to the bathroom, so I try to root myself out of his grasp.
I shouldn’t have done that.
Maksim wakes up in shock. He releases me and instantly rises to his feet, scowling at me as if I just did the worst thing possible. I don’t know why he looks so angry. Instinctively, I cower deeper into the bed and cover myself with the thin linen sheet.
“What did I tell you, Liliana?” he asks in an accusatory tone that instantly makes me feel guilty.
“I…You…” I stutter. “You sleep alone.”
“I sleep alone!” he shouts as a stern reminder.
Tears rise up, and my cheeks feel warm. I want to hide, to bury myself under the bed. I feel ashamed. I want to tell him I didn’t mean to upset him.
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “You fell asleep, and I just…I just wanted to be close to you.”
He scoffs. “Get up,” he orders. I see the look in his eyes—grim, with a severe spark of anger. He’s really mad at me. Unforgivingly mad.
I have to move. I don’t know what he’ll do to me if I remain frozen, petrified in his bed. I roll over and stagger up, meeting his eyes once I stand. I have tears in mine.
“I’d appreciate it if you respected my boundaries,” he declares, stern and emotionless.
His tone triggers something in me. I wanted to cry. Now, I’m getting angry too. I don’t understand him. I was attacked yesterday. I don’t want to be left alone in a house I don’t know! Why can’t he simply understand that? He was holding me in his arms. This man’s the king of sending mixed messages!
“I almost died!” I yell, surprised by the energy in my voice. “I just feel safe around you.”
He gives me one of his loudest sighs. “Last night, you weren’t safe.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “How?” I question. “You were there! How could Inotbe safe?”
“Well, that’s exactly the problem, Liliana,” he grunts, then paces toward me and heads for the door.
I’m not going to let him pass through; I step in his way, blocking him with a challenging glare. I want him to explain it to me.
“What’s the worst that can happen, Maksim?”
He shakes his head slightly, refusing to answer me. He’s about to step to the side when I block his path again.
“Tell me!” I command.
“Have you looked in the mirror lately?”
My body stiffens. I know exactly what Maksim means. There’s a mirror on the wall beside me by the door. I spotted it earlier when I noticed my reflection in the corner of my eye. I don’t dare turn. I’m afraid of what I’ll see, of the evidence left on my body of what was done to me, but I muster the courage to turn and face myself.
I have to sway my hair back to see how the purple imprint extends from my throat to the back of my neck. I lower my night T-shirt to see the old marks trailing down my chest. Some look like tiny fingerprints, but the purple shade below my eye looks worse. Despite this display, I don’t think it looks that bad. I had a gun pointed at my head, and that leaves more traces than these bruises. I feel numb, and that’s it.
I turn back to Maksim and point at my face, at the black eye, then at the strangulation mark down my neck. Our eyes make four, and I swear time freezes in that instant.
