Page 22 of The Crimson Lily
“I’m having some equipment delivered tomorrow,” he declares. “Then, I go in on Monday.”
Wow, he actually answered me. Maybe we can finally have an appropriate conversation!
“Will you need me for anything?” I wonder, hesitant, hoping he’ll say yes. I don’t know why, but at that moment, I want to feel needed. I want to feel useful.
He answers immediately. “You know how to open the safe.”
Hmm, no—well…actually, now that he mentions it, I do know. Everything about that safe comes back in that instant.I know the initial combination to get the first set of locks to open. I know about the inner puzzle box William picked because he fancies ancient mysteries. And I know about the last piece of clockwork, the final engineering riddle that keeps the dagger safe. Maksim won’t be able to open it without my help. I’m not sure how long I’ve remembered it for, but I do, and that’s all that matters. After that, the Bratva will have their dagger, and I will go back to New York.
Yes, back to New York. Back to my regular life. I’ll be roaming the streets of the Big Apple looking for more memories to collect. Looking for clues to the woman I was.
But can I even go back?
I gulp the second glass of whiskey and order a third. Maksim remains silent. Just freaking silent. It bothers me, irritates me. I can’t let the stillness consume me any longer; it’ll drive me insane.
“I think I had a gun held to my head two months ago, and I think I saw the man responsible for it here,” I murmur softly, then feel a lump in my throat forming as the glaze of tears appears over my eyes. “I don’t know yet how this connects to William and to my…accident.”
He says nothing still. He simply sips on his glass of whiskey. I let my anger vanish into this pit of sadness. I feel lost, like I did earlier today.
“Do you know if that man was from the Bratva?” I ask, anxious about the answer. I don’t want it to be a yes. I can’t bear that because that will mean I’m not safe near this Russian man, despite how I feel right now. It will mean that, as soon as the job is done, I will be discarded—my worst fear.
“If the Bratva had pointed a gun at your head, it would have been mine,” Maksim firmly declares.
My heartbeat halts. First, I feel angst, but it’s quickly replaced by a sense of relief. Strangely enough, I feel safer thanI have ever felt near Mr. Business Class, who looks at me with curious eyes. I finally start to cry, and he’s looking at me with that silver glimmer in his gaze.
“Why does the Bratva want the dagger anyway?” I ask the question Maksim initially refused to answer, between sniffles, wiping my tears with my sweatshirt’s sleeves so they won’t run lower than my cheekbones.
I know I wouldn’t have accepted this twisted partnership had the Bratva not had a good reason. But then again, theyarethe Bratva, and maybe I was afraid, scared, terrified for my life, like I was when I saw that gun.
“The dagger was found on Bratva grounds,” Maksim discloses.
I didnotexpect that. Things slowly start to make sense. Béatrice and I found the dagger somewhere we shouldn’t have been in the first place. William took the dagger for himself, seeing it mostly for its price, and the reason I didn’t like the relic at Columbia was because I knew the Bratva was coming for it. I don’t remember at all, but this explanation is the only one that makes sense to me right now—intrinsically, as if it’s the only justification in the world that can possibly make sense. What else could it be?
There’s something in Maksim’s voice I didn’t notice until now. The rattle of a repressed growl. He leans in close to me, observing my tears as they desperately try to escape. I look down in my glass, at the counter through the whiskey. Maksim just lets me cry. He doesn’t ask those stupid questions you ask someone who’s crying.Are you okay,orHow do you feel?Will you be all right,orDo you need help? I don’t want him to ask anything. He’s perfectly fine here, as a mute giant tasting his single malt. However, I still need to open my mouth and talk.
“I was alone in the hospital.” I say something I’ve never talked about with anyone. “They say I’d hit my head on the ground.”
He remains silent and lets me talk. He turns slightly to face me better, coming a little closer to me.
“You know what the worst part is?” I ask rhetorically.
He shakes his head but says nothing.
“I’ve asked myself the same question from day zero until now,” I murmur, repressing tears and letting them go at the same time. “What kind of person I must have been…that nobody was there to claim me. I mean…” Darn, these tears! I wipe a few more and take a deep breath. “I think I’m a pretty likable person, or so I’ve been told. So…why nobody?”
There’s a minute of silence where I swallow my tears. All the muscles in my body solidify next. Maksim has laid his hand on my thigh. I am frozen. He caresses me with his big hand. I look at him and only see silver.
“Let’s go back to the room,” he suggests—no,orders.
I stutter, unable to decline nor comply. I can’t say a word. I can’t even take a breath. My tears have stopped, and now Maksim stands from the stool and paces away. I have no choice but to follow him. I trot behind him, longing to know what’s going to happen in the next five minutes.
That was really too much whiskey. I am tipsy, way too tipsy. Not as bad as yesterday, but I know here and now that tomorrow will bring another awful morning. It takes me a lot to drag myself upstairs, and it takes me even more to stagger back to the room. On the way there, I keep on sniffling, wiping the final bits of my tears. Maksim doesn’t seem to care. He walks ahead, not looking at me, not turning to me, just marching toward the door at the end of the hallway.
When I step into the room, I have my back facing him. I can hear him breathe behind me, soft and shallow pants. I can’t figure out what has gotten into him, why he spontaneously decided to take me to my room, why he stands silently behind me.
“Are you going to leave?” I ask with a little voice, like I don’t want him to say yes.
Within seconds, I feel his hands reach for my waist. He makes me turn around and delves his silver glower deep into me. I don’t have time to catch my thoughts; he’s already leaned in and caught my lips.
