Page 52 of Strictly Friends
‘Will one of you tell me what the hell is going on here?’ she demanded, her heart racing in panic. ‘Why would Griffin know anything about what happened?’
Kenny gave a mirthless laugh. ‘Because I told him.’
‘You didwhat?’ Ruby gasped. ‘I don’t believe you!When?’
‘I went to see him the day I left,’ Kenny said grimly. ‘I told him I’d bought a ticket back to Trinidad and I asked him to look after you and Jake. He knew I was leaving that night, and he knew why. Ask him if you think I’m lying. Honestly, I thought he’d told you what we had talked about, but it looks like I was wrong.’
Feeling as if she had stumbled into a nightmare, Ruby spun back to Griffin and shook her head in stunned disbelief. ‘Youknew?’
When he finally raised his head to meet her eyes, Griffin’s skin looked grey. ‘Rubes, it’s not what you think. I wanted to tell—’
Far too hurt and furious to listen to another man make excuses, Ruby cut him off. ‘You wanted to tell mewhatexactly, Griffin?Whatever happened to us having no secrets from each other? I have literally sobbed on your shoulder wondering what was so wrong with me that the father of my child would leave. If you knew the answer, why didn’t you tell me?Why?’
Griffin flinched but said nothing, and suddenly the most intense rage Ruby had ever felt erupted deep inside her.
‘How couldyouof all people betray me? Why would you do such a thing?Answer me!’ she screamed, clenching her fists in devastated fury.
Griffin had been there when Kenny disappeared. He had been the shoulder she’d cried on, the hand she had held on to when she didn’t have the strength to put one foot in front of the other. He had been a father to Jake and had evenencouragedher to come and find Kenny.For what?For her to learn the truth that he had known all along?
Griffin’s eyes glistened at the naked pain in Ruby’s face, but as he moved towards her, she shook her head violently and raised a hand, stopping him in his tracks. Through tear-filled eyes, Ruby watched as Griffin looked at her for a long moment and then, without a word, turned and walked away.
36
A rumble of thunder broke a silence that felt louder than the words Ruby had screamed only minutes earlier. Head bowed, she sat hunched on the lounger she had collapsed on to after Griffin’s abrupt departure, feeling too broken even to cry. She focused on the golden grains of sand at her feet as if they held the answer to the mysteries of the past. A part of her was desperate to go after Griffin and force him to tell her the truth, but an even bigger part was afraid that what she learned would make her hate him.
Kenny cleared his throat, and Ruby looked up as he returned to sit on the lounger facing her. His expression held no hint of triumph. Instead, he looked troubled. As well he might, Ruby thought. She didn’t know why Griffin had acted as he did, but there was no way she was leaving this island without understanding Kenny’s reasons for leaving her and why he had kept his conversation with Griffin a secret.
‘Why wasn’t I enough for you?’ she asked, her tone oddly matter of fact despite her distress. ‘You were probably the first man who made me feel like a sexy, attractive woman. Before we met, and for as long as I can remember, I’d been teased and taunted for being tall and gawky. Even today, you wouldn’t believe how some people take one look at me and decide I’m intimidating or overpowering or – or aggressive. But then you came along. A gorgeous, sophisticated man, even taller than me and who – shock, horror – actually fancied me!Remember how I gave you such a hard time in the beginning? Well, that was because I couldn’t believe a guy like you could possibly be serious about me. When I fell pregnant, even though you were the one who’d begged for us to try for a baby, a part of me was waiting for you to use it as an excuse to call things off, but you didn’t. After Jake came along, I knew things weren’t always perfect between us, but you really had me convinced that you loved me.’
When Kenny made as if to speak, Ruby shook her head. ‘No, Kenny, let me finish. After everything I’ve just said, do you have the slightest idea how devastated I was when you suddenly disappeared with no warning or explanation? Can you even begin to imagine how much you shattered the confidence I was finally beginning to feel? I’d never felt good enough to attract a decent guy, and when you left me, you proved I was right. I might have got you, but I wasn’t enough to keep you.’
‘Youwereenough, Ruby,’ Kenny said gently. ‘You’ve always been enough. Sometimes maybe even a bit too much,’ he added with a tentative smile that vanished as he took in the raw pain on her face. He reached for her hand and, too exhausted to fight, she didn’t pull away.
‘Ruby, it kills me to see you like this,’ he whispered. ‘I never knew you felt this way and I swear to you that I didn’t mean to hurt you.’
‘If that’s true, why did you leave?’
Kenny sighed. ‘I left because I wasn’t strong enough to stay, and I stayed away because I felt too guilty to return – and too scared of what I’d find, if I did.’
Infuriated, she tried to pull her hand from his, but Kenny wouldn’t let her. ‘No, wait – please listen to me, Ruby. You are an amazing woman, and any man would be lucky to have you by their side. It’s true that things weren’t perfect between us, and we both know it wasn’t always easy, but I did my best—’
Ruby groaned in frustration. ‘How is walking away from your partner and your son in any way doing your best?’
Kenny released her hand. ‘It sounds ridiculous, but I promise you it’s true. The biggest irony about all this is that you always challenged me to want more from life and to be more in life, but the honest truth is that I couldn’t do that with you. I couldn’t be a decent partner and a decent father when I felt second best all the time, and it got to the point where I just couldn’t handle it any more. I would pick arguments with you just to get you toseeme, Ruby. If I stayed, I’d have started hating you and then you would have hated me and – and I didn’t want that for Jake.’
Ruby’s expression mirrored her confusion. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about! Youneversaid anything to me about feeling second best. Is this seriously your idea of an explanation?’
Kenny stood up and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and when Ruby looked up, there was no doubting the hurt in his eyes.
‘That’s where you’re wrong,’ he said bitterly. ‘I said it a hundred times and in a hundred different ways, and you refused to hear. You thought I was trying to control you or dictate who you could be friends with, but you never stopped to ask me whyIfelt insecure in our relationship. Do you think you were the only one who struggled with their confidence?’
He raised his head to gaze at the dark, swirling clouds overhead for a few moments and then said sadly, ‘I left Jake. Even though I knew you’d take good care of him, abandoning my son was wrong and I’ve spent every day since regretting it. But whatever you thought or felt, I didn’t leave you. I didn’t leaveyou.’
‘What the hell does that even mean?’ The ice in her voice could have frozen water but Kenny just shook his head.
‘It means you can’t leave something you never had.’ He looked at her and tilted his head enquiringly. ‘Tell me, Ruby, did you ever love me?’
Stung by the question, Ruby sprang to her feet. ‘Of course I loved you! YouknowI did. How can you even ask that?’
