Page 49 of Opening It Up
I didn’t think I would ever get that image out of my head. It would constantly be a reminder of my mistake.
I fell on my damn knees for her every single day. I didn’t even care about my fucking podcast. All I cared about was researching ways to pleasure her.
“I love you,” I mumbled around the release dripping down my chin. “Love you so much. Was that good? Was it good for you?”
“Hmm,” she said noncommittally, twisting up her glorious curly hair. “It was very nice.”
“Forgive,” I begged. “Forgive a poor fool who loves you.”
“Did you think I wouldn’talsotake advantage of your open marriage idea?”
“I didn’t know,” I wept. “I didn’t know how much it would hurt. Or how much I needed you.”
“Hmm,” she said.
And then I did it all again the next day.
Every day I sat in my new recording studio that smelled strongly of pet shop byproducts, and I didn’t know what to say.
Every day I got hundreds or thousands of angry messages about why I had ended the podcast so abruptly.
Because I felt like a fucking fraud giving anyone advice about anything.
How could I dispense advice? I was a moron who had blown up my own happy marriage with the love of my life because my dick had been itchy.
And the second I had dipped it elsewhere, I had realized what a massive mistake it was.
But by then it was too late.
However, I couldn’t avoid the truth any longer.
Finally, I sat down with my microphone. Maybe getting all my sins out would help me find a way to explain to Lily-Mae how desperately sorry I was.
“I’ve been so absent from Self-Actualizing Your Way to Marital Delights,” I said. “And I’m sorry for that. The truth is, I’m the last person to be giving marriage advice. I couldn’t self-actualize my way out of a paper bag. The truth is:I fucked up.”
CHAPTER 21
Lily-Mae
Iwas practicing a few new stretches in the backyard with some of the other ladies of the PTA when my phone pinged with an automatic notification.
There was a new episode of Self-Actualizing Your Way to Marital Delights out.
Was my husband finally going to address what had happened?
I brought up the podcast and pressedPLAY.
Harley’s voice was raw and scratchy, like he’d been crying, as he addressed the reasons for his absence from the show.
“The truth is, I didn’t have the best reasons for suggesting an open marriage. I preached honesty and openness, but I went into it with neither. I still can’t believe I was so stupid. Because suggesting an open marriage to my wife has broken me.”
The other ladies of the PTA looked sideways.
“It sounds like you did better thanhim,” Abby said.
I glanced down at the fresh little bite mark from Brayden, just barely hidden under my neckline.
“Yeah,” I said. “I did way better than him. How come none of you tried to get with Harley while we were trying this out?”
