Page 43 of Opening It Up
I was wracked with jealousy and insecurity.
“But am I—your favorite? Do you like it with me the best?”
I could barely believe the humiliating insecurity that was spilling out of my mouth.
She frowned at me.
“That’s not a healthy way to look at things,” she said gently. “I have different relationships with all of my lovers. I can’t compare one to the other.”
Being merely one of her lovers gutted me like a knife.
“I hate having an open marriage!” I cried. “I made a huge mistake. I don’t want to do that anymore. I never did.”
“You said three months,” she said sweetly. “That’s what we agreed to.”
I tore my hands through my hair. “I can’t make it the full time!” I cried. “Please, I’m begging you! Put me out of my misery, baby!”
“Why should you be miserable?” she countered, getting up and pulling on a bathrobe. “Just go on some dates. We can re-evaluate if we want to continue when the time is up.”
“I know I won’t want to continue!” I begged her. “I don’t want to go on any dates. I’ve seen what’s out there. Grim shit! I don’t want it. I only want you.”
“Whydid you think you wanted it in the first place?” my wife asked sharply.
“I thought—since we were each other’s firsts, that it would be—that maybe I had missed out on something. But now I know how wrong I was!”
“Well,I’mhaving a nice time,” Lily-Mae said. “We’ll see how I feel in a few weeks.”
“Want me to go down on you?” I pleaded, trying to salvage something for her.
But my wife only shrugged. “Nah, I think I’ll take a long bath. I need to shave my legs for this weekend.”
And then I had to watch my wife leave after she hadn’t even come. Knowing always that she had multiple men on the line who would come pleasure her for hours.
I was flailing and I didn’t know how to fix this.
CHAPTER 17
Lily-Mae
Itook stock of my open marriage as I enjoyed a luxurious bubble bath.
Now, the sex?
Exciting as fuck.
But did I really want to be managing this horde, nay deluge, of men who wanted to take me out on dates?
This was extremely enjoyable for a few months, but did I really want to do this for the rest of my life?
What Harley had done had hurt. Badly. Worse because I had been completely in love with him and blindsided.
I’d never dreamed he was capable of a callous betrayal like that.
He had been my first and only too, butIhad never felt like I was missing something. Not when my husband was so warm, loving, sexy, and smart.
Buthehad.
That’s what fucking stung.
