Page 41 of Opening It Up
I’d devoted so much time to the podcast and then to that one afterwork drink with Makayla, and I knew now how stupid I’d been.
“My priority is my family,” I said. “I’m so sorry for lying. I promise to put you and the boys first from now on.”
“All right,” she said, and I thought I saw a little spark of something in her eyes.
It was so enticing, so beautiful, so like the way things used to be, that I leaped forward, clasping her hand.
“I love you so much!” I cried. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
And I was coming in for a kiss, to those adorable plump lips, suddenly Brayden came out of nowhere and grabbed her around the waist, spinning her around to facehim.
“Are we still on for this weekend?” he rumbled in her ear, moving her long, shiny curls aside to kiss her neck.
“Lily-Mae, I want to have lunch with you today!” I put in hastily, darting around him to try to catch her eyes.
“Oh, sorry, you should have said something earlier! Leopold is taking me out to this new Indian place.”
“Oh. . .ok,” I swallowed down the bitter bile and longing.
This was my fault
That night I made sure to leave work extra early so I could do some more chores around the house. I didn’t want to eventhinkabout the podcast. My listeners kept demanding to know what my last, very cryptic and humiliating, episode had been about, and I didn’t want to face it or the troubling income reports my accountant had been sending.
I changed into my tightest T-shirt and the only pair of gray sweatpants I owned. Women liked gray sweatpants, right?
Panic stabbed my gut. Was this exciting enough for a woman who was now used to attention from men who competed to see how far they could make her squirt?
I felt insecure in a way I hadn’t in years, rushing to my laptop and putting deposits down on the first eight beach resorts I saw.
As I headed downstairs, my eye caught the massive photograph of our wedding we had hanging in the stairwell and a lump rose in my throat.
The photographer had caught such a golden moment, the crown of daisies Lily-Mae wearing in her hair tumbling off as I caught it, her face shining with love and adoration as she looked up as me, and me grinning like a fool in my elvish garb.
How could I have done this to her?
How could I have been so stupid, short-sighted, and idiotic as to think there was anything better than this?
The lump of longing in my throat grew throughout the evening as we all ate dinner together and then made cookies.
It almost felt surreal how wildly, desperately happy I was to have a whole evening with her.
Everything was magical, everything was perfect.
Julius and Teagan and Rowan laughing like mad as they pretended to sneak crazy things like broccoli and chicken liver into the cookies, Lily-Mae pretending like she didn’t notice until the last minute.
I loved them all so much
What if nothing worked? What if one night a week together was just enough for Lily-Mae now?
The first batch came out and one singular chocolate macadamia cookie had a massive sprouty brussels sprout in it.
“You’rethe bad influence,” she said to Julian. “That’s all you get then.”
“Just trying to teach the boys a little science and creative experimentation—” he protested, but she shook her head.
The boys were already screaming with glee as their grandpa took a big bite.
“Delicious,” he said. “And healthy. I can feel my moustache growing already.”
