Page 43 of Due At The Same Time
Astrid had signed over all parental rights to me and was nowhere to be found.
There was a tiny cry from the bassinet, and I saw the baby’s mouth open wide, his tiny fists suddenly flailing about and his whole face turning red.
Hurrying over, I started to sweat realizing I had never held a baby in my life, but I carefully picked up the burrito-shaped child and held him in my arms.
To my surprise, he seemed to like getting bounced gently up and down, and he liked even more the bottle of milk a nurse prepped for him.
I held the bottle with terrified fingers and I watched him drink.
My throat closed up as I remembered how Indi and I had looked forward to doing this together. But now she was having a baby with the world’s most hypnotic Irishman and I was here holding my half-brother.
All my friends and coworkers would tell me to put him up for adoption. My mother had said she wanted no part of it.
They would say
Not your baby
Not your responsibility
Hell no
But I looked at my baby brother, the way his eyes were so blue, the way his fist was incredibly tiny.
I was a complete fuck-up, I had done so many fucked-up things.
I had lost the love of my life by being a pompous windbag convinced I could do no wrong.
But by god I was going to do better.
This baby was my responsibility and that’s all there was to it.
But as I got him ready to go, I faced the unpleasant truth that I no longer had a vehicle here.
I called my mother.
“Can you come to the hospital and pick us up? Astrid’s taken the car somewhere and it had the carseat in it.”
“Who isus?” she asked. “You and your degenerate father?”
“No,” I said, “Me and the baby.”
“Thebaby? The one your own father sired? Why’s it still around?”
“Mother, it’s not the baby’s fault,” I said sharply. “And I will expect you not to ever say anything to make him think he is less than wanted and loved. It’s not his fault all this shit happened. He’s just a baby who needs us.”
“Who is this us?” she asked. “Count me out of this ‘us.’ You may not bring that thing over to visit me. Now give it to someone who can waste time raising it and come visit your Mother.”
I was stunned by the evidence of her cruelty and in the moment I couldn’t speak she hung up the phone.
How could she be so wrong about this? It was like getting a rug pulled out from under me.
And then something was wrong with my card so I couldn’t even call an Uber.
I had to beg a ride from my ex-wife.
“Of course you came,” I said, feeling fucking shredded and frazzled as fuck and I’d only been this child’s official guardian for a few hours. “You’re an angel, Indi. I never deserved you.”
I thought she might rub it in my face, but instead she said, “I have two carseats so you can have the extra for now.”
