Page 15 of The Biker's Second Chance
I'm such a fucking liar.
There's no way I'd be able to do that. After five minutes of Jayne being in the same closed room with me, I'd be all over her.
I still have feelings for her, as much as I try to deny it to myself and everyone else. That woman can still play me like a damn fiddle.
Feeling extra defeated, I drop myself onto the bed and kick my shoes off.
It's late, but the silence of the clubhouse is a little bit unnerving. There's nothing more that I can do tonight and I know it. All that's left is for me to sit with my thoughts.
Instantly my mind jumps to the fact that I'm going to have to spend more time with Jayne than I want to. Over the past few years, I've gone through so much just to make sure that I'm not reminded of her. It's too hard to think about what could have been.
What should've been.
The truth of the matter is Jayne and I should still be together. I've spent the longest time still mad at her. Angry that she was the one who walked out the door, but that's not the whole truth.
Suddenly, Eva's outburst replays in my mind.
"I was there when you and Jayne split. I know what happened before. What you did to cause her to walk out. This is not all on her."
I can't ignore what she said, mostly because it's true.
Jayne is the one who walked out, but I was the one who pushed her out the door.
When Jayne and I first got together, probably the first thing that drew me to her was her take-charge, take-no-shit attitude. She didn't care about the patch on my back or who the fuck I knew. She saw through all the bullshit and looked right at my soul.
From the very start, she was the one who tried to make me see that I was more than just a biker. She tried to convince me that I had the power to change lives. She wanted me to do the right thing even when it was hard.
Unfortunately, that wasn't always the plan when it came to what was good for Chrome Creed.
One instance in particular, one of our rivals decided to step too far into our territory, and back in those days, there was no talking to Leo. If someone else pushed against us, they got dealt with.
Jayne knew what was going on and she pleaded with me just to hear the other side out. To be better than just anger and violence. I didn't pay her any mind. We decimated that group. It turned out that every last one of those men were new recruits and had only restarted that club. They didn't know the rules. Didn't know about Chrome Creed or what we would do.
It was easy for me to compartmentalize when the club did something I may not have morally agreed with, but not forJayne. The more I seemed to just go along blindly with the rules Leo set forward, the more Jayne pulled away.
The last straw was when a woman came to the club looking for help for her and her children. I wanted to help. Jayne knew I wanted to help, but Leo knew getting involved with the victim would bring unwanted police heat down on our heads.
He ruled against it.
The victim was found dead and her children orphaned not a week later.
Suddenly, I wasn't the man Jayne thought I was.
Still, even after all that, I was sure that she would stay down for me. Sure that I could be less than ideal and she would still stay by my side. That wasn't the case.
She might have been the one to leave me, but I was the one who made sure she didn't have a reason to stay.
With a groan, I turn over in the bed and bury my face in the pillow.
Jayne was one of the best parts of my life, and it took me a long time to forget about her. Now she's back in my life and I'm going to have to relive all this shit again.
The question is not how I'm going to help her, but how am I going to make sure I make it through this without losing my mind wanting her to be back by my side.
CHAPTER 9
THE MORNING AFTER
SPIKE
