Page 119 of The Spark that Ignites
Shewasn’t enough. She failed him.
He’d become her anchor, her lifeboat, her break in the clouds within the storm. But now she was sinking. Drowning all over again.
“Vesper,” she rasped, salty tears on her tongue. “Vesper ... Ves—open your eyes.Look at me!”
He didn’t, his face serene. Peaceful. Like he was ready to leave this world behind. “My sword,” he murmured, his lips a bloodless white. “Bury ... with my father.”
“You can’t—peopleneedyou,” Emmery sobbed, jostling him. “And me. I—I need you. You can’t do this, youcan’t—” A scream bubbled up her throat. She wanted to beg someone for help—anyone. But she was alone. The only one who could save him. And she was so damned worthless.
Emmery couldn't pull him back, yank him to shore, as he drowned with her, the life rope shredding her fingers raw.
Vesper brushed her cheek with his fingertips, leaving a painting of blood behind. “Forgive me.”
His whispered words ravaged her heart. Tore it open and stomped it into an unrecognizable pulp. She thought she hadlost it after what Nathaniel had done. After she’d lost her mother and Maela. But there it was. Beating and throbbing and once again ... shattered.
“No,” Emmery croaked, her throat raw. Tears blurred her vision. He looked so godsdamned peaceful, but she was selfish. And she wanted him to stay. She wanted to fix him, but she wasn’t enough. “I’m ... sorry. I’m so damn sorry, Vesper. I can’t—I couldn’t—” Her voice broke on a sob.
She swept a bloody lock of hair out of his face. A face that had once offered her endless smiles when she only bit back. Eyes that had watched and looked out for her. A beautiful, tormented mind that was patient and uncommonly kind and took time to understand her. Hands that had held hers and kept her steady when she feared she would lose her balance and topple into a dark place. The hands that kept reaching out when she pushed him away. Because he knew she needed it even though her stubborn heart would never ask.
She neededhim. And now ...
“Vesper—please... don’t.” It was a plea, a worthless attempt but she was desperate, and her chest convulsed as air escaped her. Emmery shook him but he didn’t respond. So, she shook him again and again, screaming his name, calling out to gods who owed her nothing. “I’ll do anything.Anything—please, just stay with me.Please.”
His vestige flickered until it winked out, dissipating into the air like ash.
And then he was just ...gone.
This grief was different from her mother’s passing. That had been a slow creep towards the afterlife and a guilt-ridden relief. And Maela’s death had been incomparable. She’d been taken but the loss was sharp and angry. All razored edges and revenge burning in her heart followed by an endless emptiness. Andwhen Fionn left it was a hollow and bottomless darkness she’d never quite crawled out of.
But this loss—it was a deep, heavy, inescapable sorrow. Vesper was ripped from life right when everything was falling into place. All their cultivated joy they’d built together had faded. Stolen by this moment.
Emmery summoned the courage to finally voice what wormed into her mind and heart all these weeks. What she told herself couldn’t happen.
What she should have said while he was still here.
Because at some point ... she had stopped pretending.
“You’re—you’re my best friend, Vesper,” she whispered, her bottom lip quivering. Tears fell onto his forehead, her chest shaking, sobbing, breaking. “You were fucking right, you know. You’ll ... always be my best friend.”
For a long moment, she merely sat there, clutching his limp hand, and fought all instinct telling her he wasn’t there anymore. Because he had been everything. He had been witty and charming and full of such laughter and life that ... this stillness he held now couldn’t possibly be real.
But it was. And she ... had to let go as the clock ticked down.
Emmery removed her shaking hand from his throat and released his hand as a sob wracked her body and there was nothing—nothing—she wanted more than to curl up beside him and die too. But the ticking resumed, driving her toward madness.
There was no time for grief. It had to wait.
Her thigh screamed as she stood. Helplessly, Emmery stared down at his body. She couldn’t carry him. She wouldn’t make it out of the chamber. It would be a miracle if she could get herself out. She would have to crawl up those stairs. And she—
She would have toleavehim.
So, Emmery gathered the amulet, tying the chain where it broke and fastened it around her neck. Carefully, she slid his enchanted cuff from his bicep and family sword from his back, a tremor quaking her at how limp and heavy and cold his body was. She draped his cloak over him, unable to do more. To give him the honour he deserved.
It hurt too damn much, so she shoved it all away and Emmery’s mind muddled as her blood iced over.
And she numbed.
She said her last goodbye and fled the chamber, slipping through the door before it slammed shut—claiming Vesper’s body as if it had been the true cost all along.
