Page 58 of Zeppelin
“Yeah.” Honesty bomb time. “Me too.”
Neither of us want to voice our worst fears. What if something is wrong? What if they see something on the scan that isn’t really wrong, but isn’t right? What if there’s no heartbeat?Oh God, what if there’s no heartbeat?
I’m saved from gagging and spontaneously bursting into tears when the tech walks into the room. She’s young, dark haired, wearing a set of purple scrubs and a big smile.
“Hello! I’m Maggie. I’m going to be doing your scan today.” She glances down at the file in her hand. “Ginnifer?”
Most people actually say Jennifer, thinking my parents just got creative with the spelling, but she gets it right. My throat works hard to stuff down all the water threatening to gurgle back up. “That’s right. I go by Ginny, though, if that’s okay?”
“Sure!”
Maggie is so perky that it’s hard not to like her. I’m lulled into a false sense of confidence. If there’s something wrong,there’s zero this woman can do about it, but she’s so warm that I almost believe that she could put everything to rights.
She’s very efficient, explaining how the equipment works. When she gets out the goo she’s going to squirt onto my belly, she glances over at Zeppelin, then back to me. “You’ll have to lift your shirt up. Are you okay with doing that?”
“I’m fine with that.”
“I just wanted to make sure. Sometimes people have a support person here, but they’re not okay with that person seeing them that way.”
She’s basically asking if Zeppelin is the baby’s father. Sort of? Maybe? Either way, it sets off a small, probably irrational sense of panic inside of me. Will they try and kick him out? “He’s my partner,” I state firmly, leaving zero room for doubt. I don’t have to pretend to be honest. I just can be, because that’s the truth. He’s my friend. He’s my partner in this. We’re going to be coparents of sorts.
I admitted that I have feelings for him. I told him a few weeks ago that I didn’t know what that was, but I’d try and figure it out.
We haven’t seen each other between the market and this scan. After getting back to Hart from the club’s ride, everyone was busy. Zeppelin works at the garage as a mechanic, and the list of backed up appointments was so long that he’s been working a lot of overtime and weekends to get it done.
We’ve texted, though. We called each other a few times. He told me how much he wished he could get out to the house to help me with my porch and the windows, but I told him not to worry about it. They’d all get done eventually. It’s not on him.My dad and brother can help me out soon. They have a small window of downtime, if it can be called that.
I glance over at Zeppelin’s face as I pull up my shirt and get prepped for the scan.
He no longer appears nervous. The hat is still forgotten, but for an entirely different reason. He’s not looking at Maggie or any of the equipment. He’s staring right at me, lost in a look of wonder and bewilderment.
He looks like he’s drowning and coming up for air at the same time. He’s studying me like there’s no one else in the world. Likenothingelse exists. My heart constricts. I just claimed him, and he knows it’s mostly platonic, but has anyone ever done that for him? His shoulders heave with one great breath and a soft smile stretches across his face.
I never used to see Jack smile. He’d sneer or leer or laugh about shit, but he never smiled. I used to think he saved them for private moments, but now I’m not even sure that he could. Whenever I saw Zeppelin, it was pretty much the same.
Until I got to see the real person he is under all layers of steel and brick.
He’s obviously moved, but it’s nothing compared to the next few minutes of tense silence while Maggie moves the wand over my belly, and then she turns the screen.
The second I see the scan, with the heart beating right there on the black and white image, I’m finished.
All the tears I’ve been holding back, all the worries I’ve stuffed down, all the joy I’ve been so cautious about feeling—all of it erupts. My vision doesn’t just blur. It’s like driving into asudden storm where the rain pelts down so hard that you can’t see a thing.
“Sorry,” I gulp out brokenly when Maggie stuffs a few tissues into my hand.
“Don’t be sorry,” she responds sweetly. She’s so patient. “It’s an emotional time.” She clicks a few buttons and then excuses herself, saying she’ll be back in a few minutes. She just has to show the doctor the scans, which is standard, and she’ll be back.
The second she leaves the room, I realize it’s not just me who is bawling. Zeppelin’s cheeks are wet as well. He surges out of the chair and drops to his knees right by me. He takes my face in his hands and kisses my forehead. My heart stops dead. This is single-handedly the most intimate experience of my life. I reach for him, clutching his t-shirt before wiping away his tears.
“Wow,” he says. Just one word. It’s all he can get out.
I know.
Iknow.
We just saw the baby. This has never been more real. It’s never been more beautiful.
I swallow thickly and hiccup. I hiccup again, met with more than just a rising tide of emotion. I’ve had to pee for at least ten minutes, but all that water sloshes around violently, fighting back. I have zero warning before it erupts. I can’t throw up on Zeppelin and there’s no way I’m barfing all over the expensive equipment in here, so I try to face forward. I succeed in puking all over my shirt and shorts, my bare legs, my freaking hands and arms.
