Page 63 of Zeppelin
I get that. I truly do. When I lost Jack, my twin, my literal other half, I thought there wouldn’t be life after. There is. In ways I don’t understand and in ways that I’m starting to, on this journey of self-discovery.
I drop my hand to her shoulder and pull her against me. She’s the one who rests her head against my chest, listening to my heart beating. Her hand splays out over my right pec, holding onto me.
“I’m still going to worry about you like crazy,” I tell her.
“I’ll be okay. I promise, I’ll be fine. We can talk. I’ve been selfish, even when I tried not to be. I knew you were still struggling with grief and change. I haven’t been here like I should have been for you.”
My fingers run down her arm, caressing her soft sweater. The one I chose for her. She’s so beautiful in it. I’ll never forget this day. Not a single detail. “Please don’t say that.”
“It’s true though.” She peers up at me through that thick fringe of sandy lashes and I swear my heart stops beating. “You need this and I want to support you. Don’t worry about how long it takes.”
Something moves across her face, a shadow of wreckage. I’m ruining her. I’m ruining me too. Does she feel as torn apart as I do? I know I need to do this, but I also want to be here, with her.
“When you’re back, you should see about getting one of those bikes that has an extra seat. I’d love to go for a ride sometime, after the baby’s born.”
I shake my head before I can stop myself. “You don’t know what that means to a biker.”
“I do,” she protests, her jaw clenching and face tilting up stubbornly. “My sister explained it to me. She told me that I could never get on the back of Jack’s bike.Never. Not unless Imeantit. But… we belong to each other, don’t we?” The air punches out of my lungs at her sweet question. She’s never been so honest with me. In this moment, with that question, she’s bared everything. “Even if it’s not the typical kind of romantic belonging, you’re mine and I’m yours. We’ll always be connected.”
I know that she’s talking about the baby, but what is that fire in her eyes and the longing her voice? Why am I so bad at this? Why can’t I understand the way I want her? Why can’t it be picked apart and turned over and brought up to the light for study? Maybe it can’t be thrust under a microscope. Maybe it’s not right to separate all the moving parts of it.
She’s right.
Unequivocally.
We belong to each other.
Jack and I made a pact a long time ago. We promised each other that nothing would ever tear us apart and thatincluded a woman. We decided that we’d never fall for the same person. It turned out that it wasn’t really a problem. We had opposite taste in women.
And then… Ginny Fields.
Who could know her and not love her?
All this time, I’ve been slowly unraveling, but seeing her this way, having her kindness, her spirit, her soul, her trust, her whole being stripped down and in my palms, I’m completely undone.
She’s never called any of this a mistake.
I think I’ve always needed something in her that I can’t even fathom. I don’t know what I want to be, other than… more. More of her. More of this. More ofus.
What does that mean? Is this what people call love? How do you even know when you’ve reached it? With Jack, it was always there. I never had to question what that blind loyalty and affection was. Whatever it is I’m feeling right now, it’s foreign, but at the same time, it’s familiar. It’s right. It hurts. I want to shove it away, but at the same time, I want to grasp it in both hands, hold it close, and protect it with everything I have.
“I can’t not go,” I whisper brokenly.
She turns her face into my chest and plants a kiss right above my heart. It burns through the fabric of my shirt, all the way down into muscle and bone, becomingmemory. “I know. Everything will be okay. Everything. I promise.”
We both know that there’s no guarantee and that’s a promise she can’t make, but she doesn’t lift her head from my chest and my heart beats and beats and beats. Just for a minute,thisminute, there’s nothing else in the world. It’s only us in here, with the guttering light from a few oil lamps casting wild shadows on the wall, a whole silent play of ghosts and memories, and I believe her.
Chapter 18
Ginny
Everyone says that Tyrant is a great man who surrounds himself with equally good men. Even if he doesn’t find them that way, they all find brotherhood with the club. It’s not a prison. People can leave when they want.
When Zeppelin went to him and Raiden last week and told them that he needed to take off for a month or two, they didn’t try and lock him down. They didn’t attempt to convince him to stay. Instead, they wanted to organize a massive send-off for him, but he flat out refused. He wasn’t quitting the club, and he didn’t want anyone to make a big deal about him.
Every single person in the club made sure that in less than a week, Zeppelin was ready to leave. That included getting his paperwork in order, renewing his passport, getting him maps in case his phone died or went out of service, and getting him an extra phone as a spare. They made sure he had the proper gear for riding his bike in the rain, a new tent, a sleeping bag, and bedroll for camping out. They helped him do a tune-up on his bike.
The first time he attempted this journey with his brother, they broke down in Hart and stayed. This time they all wanted to make sure there wouldn’t be any other breakdowns that prevented him from getting where he needed to go.
