Page 59 of Zeppelin
It’s almost all water, but still.
I’m covered in my own vomit and that makes me retch harder, bringing up the remnants of breakfast, which isn’t all water.
Zeppelin is a fucking hero. He doesn’t say anything, just snatches a bunch of the towels up from the far side of the room and bends over me. He starts trying to wipe me down, but it’severywhere.
I shut my eyes, trying to breathe against another wave of nausea. I’m crying different tears this time. I have never been so mortified. Or disgusted. Also? I didn’t bring a change of clothes.
“Hang on, sweetheart, okay? I’ll be right back.” Zeppelin grazes my forehead with a kiss even though I’m vile, sets the towels in a wad in my lap, and rushes out of the room.
I don’t for a second believe that he’s trying to escape.
He’s back in a few minutes with Maggie, who has a whole bunch of larger towels, one of those hospital puke basins that would have caught absolutely fuck all in that pukefest, and what appears to be a sheet.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell her immediately, becauseshit. I am.
“It’s okay, honey. It happens. We’ll get you cleaned up and you can get changed in the bathroom. I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you to change into, but you can wrap up in this sheet and we can get you into a private room and you can wait there while your partner goes to get you a change of clothes.”
“We live hours away,” I respond stupidly. Numbly. She called Zeppelin my partner. She’s using my own words, but it stillhits.
It hits hard that he called me sweetheart.
Anyone could use that term of endearment, but I’m almost sure it wasn’t said in passing or lightly.
“I can find a store close by, and I’ll get you something,” Zep responds immediately. He crouches down right beside me and strokes my soaked hair away from my face.
I give him a watery smile, and when I see the relief in his eyes, I want to bawl. I shouldn’t. That led to puking. “Okay. I’ll try and clean up here in the bathroom in the meantime.”
“The good news is that your scan looked great,” Maggie says. “Absolutely perfect. You’re ten weeks along. I can answer any other questions that you have.”
Of course I can’t think of anything.
If Zeppelin had some planned, he’s blanked too.
“I can show you where the bathroom is,” Maggie offers. “I’ll point out the private room so you both know where it is. You take all the time you need. When you’re ready, you can just go to the front desk, and they’ll take care of everything.”
I’m so grateful that a few more tears trickle down my cheeks. They’re so, so hot. Zeppelin helps me up, not carefully, not like he’s trying desperately to avoid getting covered in puke. He splays his big hand over my back protectively. If I wasn’t so nasty, I’d curl into him and let him hold me. I want those strong arms wrapped around me more than anything.
Fuck, I’ve missed him.
I’ve wanted another night together more than I can say. Not for the sex. Or at least, not just for the sex. It was that feelingof being close to someone. Of being stripped down so bare that it was horrifying and uncomfortable and unexpectedly beautiful.
I told him I have feelings for him, and I do. All sorts of feelings.
I hurt him once.
I can’t risk doing that again. Not until I can absolutely sort them out.
I keep telling myself that, but it hasn’t changed the fact that I miss him. I crave his closeness. I want his crass jokes, his dry sense of humor, hispresence. I want his body close to mine, his calloused hands brushing my bare skin, his passion that swings from almost hesitant to outright bossy and wild. I want his heart beating next to mine. I want to listen to him breathing while he’s asleep and I’m not. I’d even take throwing up in front of him again because at least he’d be beside me. I want him in my good moments, in the moments charged with desire, in the moments I need him because I can’t do something without him, in the moments when I have everything perfectly handled, but I also want him in my bad moments, when I’m at my lowest, when I don’t even wantmeseeing me, and that says something.
It sayseverything.
Zeppelin keeps his hand on my back while Maggie walks us past the door to the small private room, and then to the bathroom. She sets the clean towels and the sheet inside for me. I’m so grateful and she’s so sweet, but after she leaves, it’s Zeppelin I turn to.
Just like when we talked at the market, when I snuck my finger around us and held on for dear life for just a moment, it’s like we’re the only people here, and in the rest of the world.
“I’ll be right back. Just give me twenty minutes. There should be something close by that I can get you. Gum and all.”
“Oh god, don’t worry about that. It’s not important.”
