Page 48 of Zeppelin
“If you truly don’t, then just be honest. Tell him that you don’t know where you’re at. You might want to say that you need to take some time until you do. Taking accountability is important. I think he’ll appreciate that, even if you have to give him an answer he doesn’t want to hear.”
“He’s working on the house. I mean, he was taking time to do the porch for me. If he quits, it’s fine. Dad and Gabe could eventually help me do it and anything else that needs to be done. The point isn’t the house. It’s that I’m going to be seeing him often.”
“The club’s going on a ride next week and when they get back, they’re having a huge club party.”
“What?” I try to pretend that I’m not hurt over not knowing a thing about this.
“They’re riding to the East Coast and staying for over a week, so by the time they’re back, it will be close to three weeks that they’re gone.
Three fucking weeks? What the hell?
“Do they do that often? Go for club rides?”
“I think they used to do it more before, for business reasons, and not the kind of business that was on the right side of the law, but that’s mostly not a thing anymore. They’re just going because it’s nice out and it’s time.”
Zeppelin doesn’t have to tell me everything. He doesn’t even have to tell meanythingif he doesn’t want to, but I can’t believe he didn’t mention this even once. If he was just disappearing for a week, you’d think that would be vital information to give me to explain why he’s ghosting. Maybe he was going to.
Maybe.
“When are they leaving?”
“Not until Friday.”
“I have a few days to talk to him before he leaves, if I have myself sorted out.” Bronte nods. She bites down on the corner of her lip, just a little bit too hard. “Are you worried about Dom leaving?”
“Not worried exactly. They’re not doing anything illegal. There’s no risk other than the regular risk of being on the freeway with a bike, although they’re riding in a pack, so it’s probably a lot safer. Dom’s bike is a trike anyway, and he’s been doing so much physical therapy and has a lot more movement in his arm now, so I’m not worried about him getting tired or uncomfortable or being unable to ride or anything. I’ll just miss him.”
I’ll just miss him.
It’s more than understandable to see the forlorn wistfulness on Bronte’s face. She and Dom are epic. They’re in love. They’ve been in love for a decade. But me? What do I have to feel sad about? Why do I feel like that amount of time is a kick straight to the teeth?
I have to take a minute to catch my breath.
I could keep blaming pregnancy hormones or I could admit that maybe there’s the slightest part of me that gets excited to see Zeppelin. That there’s a small warmth that flickers to life in my chest whenever he’s near. I’ve somehow given him my trust and undiscovered parts of myself without evenknowingit.
I clutch my hands tightly, but when that’s not enough, I part my legs and jam them between.
Three weeks.
Maybe it’s a good thing.
It would be time to think. Time to get my shit sorted and get my wayward, haywire emotions under control. I could decide what’s fact and what’s just nonsense. Maybe by the time Zeppelin gets back, I’ll be more than okay with putting hard stops and some very much neededlifecontrolsin place. Roadblocks. Do not cross or enter zones.
“Are you going to be okay?” I’m not trying to redirect from myself. I really want to know. Bronte’s looking more and more miserable as the minutes go on.
Her bottom lip wobbles.
“You and Ellie should come out to the farm! Stay in your old room. Come and see what I’m doing to the old house. I knowyou’ve been wanting so badly to find time to drive out and it’s not easy with a toddler, but we’d love it if you were there for a while. The time would go faster for sure.”
She nods, blinking rapidly, but smiling through it. Bronte’s good at that. No matter how hopeless things seemed for her, she’s always been able to force herself to see the good in it and keep moving forward. “I was thinking about coming. I was so overwhelmed trying to get Dom ready that I didn’t say anything to Mom. I didn’t want to get you guys all excited before I had a chance to make plans.”
“I’ll come for you, if you want. You can drive back with me, if you’re worried about Ellie getting upset on a longer drive.”
She nods, shuffling closer on the couch and leaning into me. “It’ll be good to come back home for a bit. You’re right. The time will pass way faster. I have my first doctor appointment. You can come with me, if you want.”
“Yes! I’ll absolutely come!”
“Just a doctor’s appointment. Not a scan yet. I’m going to have to get booked in for it, though.”
