Page 10 of Love's Patient Journey
That’s when he realized that he had taken her bareback. He stilled, not knowing how to tell her that he didn’t protect her. This had never happened to him before. He always wore a condom—always. He just got so caught up with her that he lostcontrol.
“Jenna, I—I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t use a condom. Tell me that you’re on the pill.” Jenna stilled on top of him. She pulled away from him, and the look on her face told him all he needed to know—she wasn’t.
“I’m not,” she shook her head. “I haven’t needed to be on it since I got pregnant. There was no one—I didn’t even think about using a condom. God, I’m such an idiot!”
Ryan pulled her close; he couldn’t stand that she was blaming herself. “Baby, this is my fault! I was the one who should have thought of the condom. I was the one who should have protected you—I’m the idiot!” He stood and went to her bathroom, starting her shower. He needed to get himself together. How could he have gotten so out of control that he forgot the condom? He told her that he would take care of her. He told her that he wanted to be in control, but he wasn’t, and he let her down.
Ryan walked back into her bedroom to find her sitting naked on the end of her bed. “Honey, let’s take a shower, and then we can talk.” Jenna stood and went to him, taking his hand. He pulled her to the bathroom, and they got into the shower together, both groaning as they stepped into the hot spray. Ryan grabbed Jenna’s shampoo. He loved the way her hair smelled like strawberries. He helped to get her hair wet, and then he started shampooing her, massaging her scalp. She leaned back into him, seeming to enjoy his attention. He filled his palm with her body wash and started cleaning her, paying extra special attention to her breasts.
Jenna laughed, “Ryan, I think you got them pretty good.” She turned in his arms, “I can’t stand how quiet you are. Can we please talk now?”
“I’m so mad at myself, Jenna. I fucked up. I would never hurt you, not the way Jake did. I would never force you into something that you don’t want. I need you to believe that.” Jenna looked at him like he was crazy, then her eyes widened.
“You know that Jake fooled around with my birth control, and that’s how I got pregnant with Zac? Ryan, I would never think that you are capable of doing something like that. We were both caught up in the moment, and it just happened. It’s no one’s fault, not mine, and not yours. If something happened, then we’ll deal with it.”
He wrapped his arms around Jenna, pulling her soapy body in close. “Baby, if something does happen if you are pregnant, I want you to know that I’d take care of you—all three of you.”
“Three?” she questioned.
“Sure—you, Zac, and our baby.” He choked on the last part, emotions straining his voice. Just the thought of Jenna pregnant with his baby made him long for that reality. He knew that he and Jenna were nowhere near ready to have that conversation, but he did know that he wasn’t letting her go.
Jenna pulled free from his arms, covering her face with her hands. Ryan pulled her hands free from her eyes and saw that she was crying. “Jenna honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I can’t believe that I was so fucking stupid. Please don’t cry.”
“I just—I’m usually so alone. I’ve had to take care of Zac alone. I have to deal with Jake and his parents harassing me alone. I’ve never had someone say that they want to take care of me. It’s—well, it’s everything.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her face on his chest. “Thank you, Ryan.”
He couldn’t help but pull her into his body. He wanted nothing more than to take care of this woman. Sure, she was alone, but that had nothing to do with his need to take care of Jenna and Zac. He wanted to be with her and her son. They were all he could think about. He needed to tell her how much she meant to him. She was the driving force in every decision that he made in the past two years.
“Hold up,” he pulled back from Jenna, “Jake and his parents have been bothering you?”
“Yeah,” she breathed, “Jake has sent me some personal letters, and a few of them came from his lawyer, telling me that he’s entitled to parental rights. Jake has no desire to be Zac’s dad; he told me that many times. Scott and Barbara Ashbrook are the ones who concern me. I think they want to take Zac from me. I have letters from their lawyers, saying that they are going to petition for grandparents’ rights, but I haven’t been able to afford a lawyer. Mr. Ashbrook has so much money and power; how do I compete with that? I’m so scared.” Jenna shivered, and Ryan cursed. He turned off the shower and grabbed a towel to wrap her in, grabbing a second for himself and drying off quickly.
“Honey, I’m going to dry you off, and then I want you to get into your bed; you're freezing. I’d like to see the letters they have been sending to you. Will you let me read them?” Ryan asked. Jenna just nodded, still looking at her feet. He lifted her chin with his fingers and kissed her, pulling back from her to run his thumb over her bottom lip. It was swollen from him kissing her earlier. He grabbed her towel and started drying her. She had purple marks on each of her nipples, where he sucked them into his mouth. He dried down her body and found his finger marks where he had dug into her ass, holding her against the wall ontheir way back to the bedroom. The caveman part of him was satisfied with himself, but he still felt a little guilty.
“Jenna, I um, I think I was a little rough with you. I left marks.” He cringed when she looked down at her body, examining his marks.
She shook her head, smiling at him. “You’re a Neanderthal, Ryan.”
Huh, she seemed to like the marks. He pulled her naked body into his, grabbing her ass where his marks were. “And you’re mine, Jenna,” he promised.
Chapter 4
Jenna liked the way Ryan took care of her. She would have never thought that possible since she thought of herself as a woman strong enough to take care of herself and her son. While Ryan built a fire in the family room fireplace, she grabbed all the letters from Jake and his lawyers. She also made some hot chocolate with marshmallows. The late fall always gave Alabama warm days and cool nights. She loved this weather. She could wear her shorts and t-shirts during the day, but the nights proved chilly. She had wrapped herself up in a blanket that she kept on her bed, with just an oversized t-shirt on. Ryan seemed to be warm-blooded and fine in just his boxers. She loved seeing him sprawled out on her sofa, mostly naked. His big body took up most of the couch.
“I brought in our food and warmed it up,” he smiled up at her, gesturing to the coffee table where their two plates sat. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” He flashed his sexy smile for her.
“I could eat,” she said, sitting down next to him on her sofa, and snuggled into his body. He handed her the plate and looked soserious that she worried.
“Ryan?” Jenna questioned.
“Baby, I am sorry that I ruined our night out. I wanted tonight to be special for you. You deserve a night out, honey.” He tucked her hair back from her eyes and softly kissed her lips. “I fucked up tonight, and I’m sorry.”
“Ryan, please stop apologizing. I wouldn’t change tonight, even if I could. My life is usually a little crazy. Tonight was wonderful, and the sex was insane.” She could feel her cheeks heat. Ryan gently brushed his knuckles over her face.
“Eat,” he took a forkful of steak, and she opened her mouth. He fed her for a few minutes until she protested that he needed to eat. Her food was so good, the steak practically melted in her mouth. It had been a long time since she had such a nice dinner. Most nights, she and Zac had mac and cheese or hot dogs. The steak was a real treat. She knew that she was making all kinds of little noises, appreciating her food, but she couldn’t help it.
“Honey, if you keep making those little sex noises, I’m going to take you right here, on this sofa,” Ryan growled. “And, I want to finish our food, for a change, and I want to talk about this Jake problem. Then, I plan on taking you back to bed.”
She smiled at the promise of more sex. She was hoping that he would say that. “So, you are spending the night?”
