Page 2 of Love's Patient Journey
Ryan looked over her head and laughed, “Um, I think I may owe you an apology.”
“Mommy—” Zac was standing behind her, rubbing his little eyes. He had climbed out of his crib again. She turned to find him in his little Superman pajamas, still snuggly from sleep. She picked him up, cuddling him close. He laid his head on her shoulder and started to suck his thumb.
“It’s okay, baby,” she soothed Zac, running her hand over his blond, curly hair. His eyes shot directly to Ryan.
“Who dat?” Zac said, around his thumb hanging from his mouth. Ryan stepped forward, smiling at her son, seemingly mesmerized by him.
“Hi, Zac. I’m Ryan, a friend of your mommy’s.” Ryan held out his big hand to shake Zac’s. Zac took his thumb from his mouth and shook Ryan’s hand, getting slobber all over him. Much to Jenna’s surprise, Ryan didn’t seem to mind. He even laughed when Zac put his little thumb right back into his mouth after the handshake exchange was over.
“Sorry,” Ryan apologized, looking now at Jenna. I didn’t mean to wake both of you. I didn’t think about him being this big now. Geeze, have I been gone that long?”
Jenna couldn’t help but nod at his question. “Yes, you have been away that long, Ryan. Two years is a very long time. Friends don’t just drop out of friends’ lives for two years, without any word.” He stopped looking at her, dropping his gaze to her floor.He seemed embarrassed, and she immediately felt bad for her words, wanting to take them back.
“I know that it seems like I dropped out of your life,” he all but whispered, “but I was around. When I was in town, I asked about you and even saw you a couple of times. I just didn’t want to mess up your life by popping in and out of it whenever I pleased. It wouldn’t have been fair to you or Zac.”
At the mention of his name, Zac lifted his sleepy head off Jenna’s shoulder and reached out his arms towards Ryan. He seemed to hesitate, not knowing what to do with Zac’s outstretched arms, pleading to be held.
“It’s okay, Ryan, you can hold him if you’d like.” Jenna started towards Ryan, to hand Zac off to him, and God, he smelled good. His scent was like Old Spice and soap all mixed up together. Ryan took Zac from her, and her son smiled up at him, causing Ryan to laugh out loud. Jenna had a feeling that Ryan didn’t laugh much these days. She noticed that the lines in his face were a little more defined than the last time they were together. She stood staring at him as if studying the changes she saw in him.
“You’ve changed,” she didn’t mean to say it out loud. It almost sounded like she was accusing him of something instead of just making an observation.
“How so, princess?” Ryan seemed mesmerized by Zac and vice versa. The two were a pair, studying each other. Zac reached up to Ryan’s lips and pulled his full bottom lip up over his top lip, making him pout. Zachary laughed around his little thumb, causing Ryan to have another full belly laugh. Jenna couldn’t help herself; she joined in. Watching the two of them play with each other’s faces just brought her joy. Seeing Zac take to Ryanso easily gave her hope, and that was the last thing that she needed. She didn’t need Ryan giving her false hope again.
Jenna decided to leave the two and make a cup of hot tea for herself, needing some distance from Ryan. When she made her way back into her family room with a sippy cup for Zac and two mugs of hot tea, she found the pair on the floor, playing with Thomas the Tank Engine. Ryan was even making train noises, much to Zac’s delight.
“Why are you here, now?” She needed to know what had changed. Ryan told her that he couldn’t bring himself to disrupt her life, coming and going. It was the excuse he gave her for not staying in touch after he shipped out two years ago.
Ryan looked up from where he sat on the floor with Zac. He looked so unsure of himself, of what to say next, so he said nothing and continued to play trains with her son. She wanted to let that be her answer, knowing that he didn’t want to talk about it, but she just couldn’t let it go.
“You are here, now—why? What’s changed?” Ryan didn’t look away from Zac and his toys.
“I’m leaving the Navy, princess. I’m thinking about sticking around for a while and putting down roots. I’ve missed so much time with my family, and I want to stay here in Alabama for a while.”
Jenna just stared at Ryan, not knowing what to say next. He was giving her that damned hope again, and he needed to cut it out.
“Listen, Ryan, it was nice to see you, but like I said earlier, you can’t just drop by after not being around for the last two years. I can’t have you here one minute and gone the next. That’s what you did last time, and it hurt. I can’t let you do that to Zac.”
Ryan nodded his head as if agreeing with her. He stood, leaving Zac to play with his trains, and made his way to where Jenna stood. He was standing directly in front of her, causing her to crane her neck to look into his beautiful green eyes. He looked so much like his brother, just more intense. He seemed to always have something on his mind, so serious. She wanted to run her fingers through his short, brown, unruly hair or maybe smooth away some of his worry lines on his forehead. She kept both hands on her warm mug of tea, not chancing fate. If she touched him now, she wouldn’t want to stop. She had wanted the man since she was just a girl.
Jenna had made a complete fool of herself, following him around when she was thirteen years old. He was nineteen at the time and a man. He didn’t want some teenage brat following him around. But she had, and it was pretty pathetic. Right now, he made her feel like a thirteen-year-old girl with a major crush on the hottest guy in town.
“Jenna, you’re right. I had no right to come here; I can’t even explain why I did. I just couldn’t stay away from you any longer. I needed to see you, too—” He seemed to hesitate again but then reached his hand up and ran his fingers lightly down her cheek. “I needed to touch you. For the past two years, you and Zac were all that I could think of. You changed my life that day in the hospital. You and Zac changed me. I want things now that I never thought I did, like a family.”
He looked back at Zac and smiled, seeing the toddler still playing with his trains. “I was wondering if I could take you to dinner one night this week. I’d like to take you both to dinner.” He turned his attention back to Jenna, searching her face as if silently pleading with her to say yes.
“Ryan, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I can’t just uproot Zac’s schedule for a night out. He’s not used to going out for dinner,” Jenna challenged.
“Okay, how about we get some pizza and eat in? I just want to get to know you, both of you. Please? I’ll even pick up a movie, your choice,” Ryan said.
This made Jenna smile. She hadn’t seen a movie that didn’t involve cartoon characters in ages. She couldn’t quite see Ryan watching Big Bird sing the alphabet. She looked back at Ryan and saw so much hope in his eyes; she could only nod.
“Yes? You’ll have pizza with me?” he questioned.
“Yeah, we’ll have pizza with you. How about tomorrow night? Saturdays are more relaxed, and Zac can go to sleep, so we can watch an adult movie. It’s been ages since I’ve seen a good horror movie.” She flashed him a smile, causing him to chuckle.
“Horror movie, huh? I pegged you as someone who’d be too afraid to watch a scary movie.” “Yeah, well, that’s half the fun of it. Besides, if I get scared, I’ll just sleep with all the lights on.”
Ryan reached down and gently brushed her cheek again, “Do you do that a lot—sleep with the lights on?” Jenna nodded, looking down into her mug of tea. She was ashamed to admit that she was afraid of many things. The first was losing her son. With all the written threats from the Ashbrook’s’ lawyers, she slept with the lights on a good deal. Sometimes, late at night, having a light on was all that kept her sane. But she never admitted that to anyone else; she especially didn’t want to worry her family.
