Page 12 of Love's Patient Journey
“Yeah, baby, I did. Watching you give birth to Zac, how strong you were, I knew at that moment that you were it for me. I had always thought of you as a little girl, but that day, I saw you for the woman that you had become.” Jenna looked like she didn’t know what to say to him, and he didn’t want her to say anything that she didn’t mean. “Jenna, you don’t have to say it back. I just needed to get it all out there. I was keeping the secret about Jakein for so long that I felt like I was lying to you. And honey, I do love you. But I don’t want you to say it back to me because you think it’s the right thing to do. I am good with knowing that you care about me. For now, that’s enough.” He pulled her in for a long kiss. He started to lay her back when her cell rang.
“Leave it,” he pleaded.
“It’s Karlie’s ringtone. I need to make sure that Zac is okay.” Ryan groaned and sat up, freeing her to answer her cell. “Karlie? Oh no, okay, I’ll come right over,” Jenna said. Ryan worried that something had happened to Zac.
“Zac has a little fever, and he wants me,” she explained, putting her cell on the coffee table. “I need to go over and pick him up.” She was already heading to her bedroom. “I’m sorry, Ryan, this night has been so crazy.” She barked out a laugh, “Welcome to my life.”
She was pulling on a pair of jeans that had a hole in the knee and a t-shirt that fit all her curves. He wanted to throw her on the bed and fuck her senseless but knew that Zac needed her. He pulled on his jeans and t-shirt and grabbed his keys off her nightstand.
“I’ll drive, honey.” He started to shove his wallet into his back pocket, looking around her room for his shoes and socks.
“Ryan, no. You should go home and get some sleep. It’s so late, and Zac will be up for most of the night anyway.” Jenna was pulling her hair into a ponytail, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was so sexy, and she had no clue. Jenna was no fuss but so beautiful. She didn’t need any makeup, although he did like to kiss her cherry lip gloss off her sexy, pouty lips.
He pulled her into his body as she tried to walk past him to get her shoes. “Honey, I want to be there for you both. I thought wejust went over all of this. I want to help you, not because you are an obligation, but because I love you.” She smiled at him, and he could tell that she didn’t quite believe him. He knew that Jake had done some damage to her heart; he just didn’t know how much until now.
“It’s okay, honey. You don’t have to believe me. But someday, you will. I know that I have to prove myself to you, but I am not your ex. I will never hurt you like he did, and I will never lie to you.” He kissed her lips softly. “Now, let’s go get your boy and bring him home. He needs his mama.”
∞
It had been a long night. Jenna had gotten about two hours of sleep, and poor Ryan probably got less than that. She couldn’t believe that he had stayed with her and helped her take care of Zac. Her poor little guy spiked a fever of about one hundred and one degrees until she got some children’s Tylenol in him. Ryan had held Zac while she called the pediatrician and talked to him about what to do. This wasn’t Zac’s first fever, but it was his highest, and she was out of her mind with worry. Ryan seemed pretty worried, too, but he tried to keep her calm. He and Zac finally passed out on the family room sofa just before dawn. Zac was sprawled out over Ryan’s chest, and Ryan wrapped his arms protectively around her little guy. She fell asleep on the loveseat shortly after the guys had fallen asleep.
She couldn’t get over how Zac had accepted Ryan being there, even letting Ryan hold him. He seemed to take to Ryan, and that scared her to death. What if Ryan chose to walk away again? Ryan told her that he’d earn her trust. He thought that the reason she had so little trust in him was because of what Jakehad done to her. He was mostly right, but Ryan walking away destroyed her and her trust. Jenna needed to figure out what to do about that. She wanted to believe that he loved her. She knew that she had fallen in love with him, but she just couldn’t bring herself to believe that was enough. Loving Ryan hadn’t brought him home in the past two years, and if he truly loved her, how had he stayed away so long? She just didn’t know what to do with her feelings or how to tell Ryan about how she felt. She didn’t want to hurt him by telling him that she didn’t fully trust him, but she didn’t. She knew he’d want her honesty, but how to give him the truth without him walking away again—that was another story.
Jenna had gotten up early while the guys continued snoring on her sofa. She just gave up trying to shut her mind off. She showered and did three loads of laundry. The coffee pot was just about empty, so she decided to make another pot for Ryan.
“Hey,” Ryan whispered, wrapping his arms around her.
“Hey, yourself,” she smiled up at him. “Where is Zac?”
“He’s still zonked out. He doesn’t feel too warm, but I really can’t tell.” He kissed the top of her head and grabbed a mug from her cabinet. She liked the way he looked in her kitchen. She loved having him in her home. It felt good to have a man there with her and Zac. There had been a few times during the night that she felt like she was going to just lose her shit, but Ryan had kept her grounded and calm. She couldn’t stand it when Zac was sick; thank God it didn’t happen often. But Ryan handled the whole night like a pro.
“You’re good with him,” she whispered. “He likes you.”
“Well, I feel the same way about him,” he whispered, pulling her closer. “And I’m crazy about his mama.” He started to kiss down her neck.
“Umm,” she moaned, “That feels good. So, you’re crazy about me?” She teased, trying to keep her mind off having sex with Ryan on her kitchen table.
“Yeah, I’m head over heels in love with you, Jenna. And I’m gonna keep on telling you that until you believe me. I know that you have trust issues after what happened with Jake and all.”
She stilled in his arms, and he cursed, “Honey, I didn’t mean to bring up that asshole’s name. Are you all right? He waited for a response. It was now or never. Ryan needed to know where she stood with them as a couple.
“Ryan, I don’t have trust issues just because of my relationship with Jake. The main reason that I can’t bring myself to trust you is because of what you did.” Ryan’s eyes widened, and he stepped away from her. So much for not hurting his feelings.
She reached for him, but he shrugged off her hands. “You wanna tell me what I did that lost your trust, princess?” Yeah, he was pissed. He only called her that when he was upset with her.
“Don’t call me princess, please. I don’t trust you because you walked away from us. You broke my heart, but the only way that I could deal with that was to pick myself up and carry on, for my son’s sake. Now, you’re here, and I just have all these jumbled-up feelings. I am so confused; I don’t know what to feel.”
“Do you care for me at all, Jenna?” Ryan seemed so cold, so distant.
“I do, I just have to sort out my feelings and try to put my anger aside, that you left both Zac and me, so easily,” Jenna admitted.
“Nothing was easy about leaving the two of you, Jenna.” he pulled her into his arms again, filling the void that she felt when he pushed her away.
“I know why you had to leave, Ryan. What I don’t understand is why, in two years, I didn’t rate a letter, a phone call, or even a short visit. You say that you knew that you were in love with me, but you never tried to get in contact with me.” She looked down at her feet, not wanting him to see her tears. She had done enough crying in front of this man.
Ryan tilted her face to look at him, “Honey, I want you to share everything with me. If you are gonna cry, then cry, and let me hold you. But don’t hide from me.” Jenna gasped. How did Ryan know her so well, in such a short amount of time?
“I didn’t contact you because I didn’t want to hurt you. Too many of my friends, whom I served with, were killed over there. I had to tell too many of their wives, girlfriends, and children that they were gone. I didn’t want that to happen to you. I couldn’t let you go through the pain that I saw in each of their eyes. I thought that leaving you and Zac alone was best for both of you. I couldn’t give you hope only to have it ripped away from you because of a choice that I made to be in the military.”
