Page 98 of The Sapphire Child
‘Take care of yourself, dear boy,’ she said tenderly. ‘And when you see Tommy, give him my love – and Esmie and Stella too.’
Andrew knew that as soon as he was gone, his mother would take Tibby to task for mentioning Esmie. But it was typical of hisaunt not to care; she was incapable of being mean-spirited about anyone, and he loved her for it.
‘I will,’ he murmured and then let her go. ‘Mamma.’ He turned to his mother and held out his arms. She wasn’t one for hugs but he wasn’t going to allow her to dismiss him with a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the shoulder. Throughout his childhood he had wanted to feel a mother’s arms around him and it had fallen to Esmie to try and assuage his deep need. But even as a grown man, he still sought Lydia’s love and approval.
For a moment, Lydia allowed herself to be held. ‘I pray for your safe return, my darling,’ she whispered.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
They gazed at each other with tear-filled eyes. There was so much he wanted to say. He had left a letter for her to find that would save them both the embarrassment of tender words being said aloud, and she would have something to remind her of his love for her while he was gone.
From the train, as it shunted out of the station, he could just make out the figures of the two women standing close together, waving. The dawn was being heralded by a streak of gold light lying over a dark sea. Ebbsmouth passed – a dark mass of houses huddled on the cliffs – and then was gone from sight.
Chapter 36
The Raj-in-the-Hills, late November 1941
The first of the snow had arrived in Gulmarg. The other hotels and chalets had already closed for the winter. Most of the staff at the Raj-in-the-Hills had been paid off until the spring. Only Tom’s bearer Bijal, Esmie’s sewing woman Karo and a couple of part-time house servants – a sweeper and a cook – remained.
Stella’s five-month pregnancy hardly showed yet, especially under baggy woollen clothing, but she was very aware of the baby growing inside. She felt it moving daily now, a gentle fluttering like a moth tapping at a lightshade. She would cup her hands over her stomach, wanting to capture the sensation, but it was too elusive.
She was thrilled at the thought of carrying a baby and realised that this was what she had craved for so long.
Why hadn’t Hugh written back? She clung to the belief that her letter of the previous month had taken a long time to catch up with him – wherever he was. Surely, he would not ignore such momentous news? He wouldn’t deliberately let her suffer such anxiety; he was a kind and loving man. She couldn’t wait for the day when they were together – husband and wife – and bringing up their precious child.
Yet in the dead of night, when she lay huddled under extra blankets and felt the baby stir inside, she allowed doubts to flood in. Perhaps he didn’t love her as much as she loved him and was having second thoughts about marrying her. After all, it was she, not Hugh, who had first got back in touch, following Andrew’s chance meeting with him in Edinburgh. And he had been with another woman then.
What if this woman was more to Hugh than a ‘cousin’, as Andrew’s girlfriend had suspected? Perhaps she was living with him in Calcutta and he had lied to her. The worst thought of all – that she hardly dared entertain – was that Hugh had only proposed to her so that she would agree to lie with him.
By dawn, Stella would feel ashamed of such disloyal and suspicious thoughts. Hugh loved her. She had a beautiful sapphire ring to prove it. The delay in his reply was simply because of the disruption to post during these chaotic times.
She was so caught up in her own problems that she hardly listened to Tom’s litany of woes about the war. HMSArk Royal, Britain’s invincible aircraft carrier, had been sunk off Gibraltar; Rommel’s Afrika Korps appeared to be gaining the upper hand in fierce counter-attacks against the Allies in North Africa and the Nazis were reported to be on the verge of taking Moscow from the Russians.
One day, Esmie took her aside. ‘In another month we’ll be cut off here,’ she warned. ‘Don’t you think you should go back home and talk to Myrtle – face this situation together?’
Stella was appalled at the thought. ‘Ma would never understand. Unless I’m married in the next couple of months, she’d make me give the baby away, I’m sure of it. They’d all put pressure on me to do that – the aunties and uncles; I’d never be allowed to keep it.’
Esmie sat with her hands in her lap, contemplating what she’d said. Stella always found her troubled state of mind eased by Esmie’s calm manner. It was so different from the scolding and recriminations she knew she would get if she went home.
‘Is that what you really want?’ Esmie asked. ‘To keep your baby, no matter what happens – even if Hugh doesn’t come to the rescue?’
‘Hugh will stick by me, I’m sure of it.’
‘But if he doesn’t?’ Esmie pressed her.
Stella swallowed hard. How many times had she asked herself that question in the lonely sleepless nights?
‘Yes,’ she said with conviction. ‘I want this baby more than anything.’
Esmie took her hand and squeezed it. There was no need for further words; Stella knew that the Lomaxes would support her.
The following month Esmie wrote to Myrtle explaining that she was suffering from bouts of tiredness and Stella was kindly staying on through the winter to help her. She hoped Myrtle wouldn’t mind. Stella’s mother wrote back full of concern and suggested that the Lomaxes come to stay at the Raj in Pindi where she could visit a doctor.
Esmie wrote a second time, reassuring Myrtle that there were good doctors in Srinagar and she would get more rest in the hills than during the busy social season in Rawalpindi. To Stella’s relief, her mother accepted this state of affairs and gave her approval of Stella staying on to help.
The snowline was down to Gulmarg now and it was turning bitterly cold. Tom helped Bijal fix the shutters to the hotel windows and shut up the main building. Stella moved into the small annex with the Lomaxes. Since she had asked to stay on, Tom’s mood hadimproved. He started painting again and on days when he wasn’t, he suggested that he and Esmie went for walks with Stella riding beside them on a pony. They never went far, but Stella relished the sharp air and the sight of glistening white mountains under a deep blue sky. On such days, she was optimistic. Hugh was her fiancé and one day soon they would be together – it’s what they had planned.
Shortly afterwards, on a day of snow flurries, when Stella was sewing a patchwork blanket with Karo, she heard Esmie call out, ‘We’ve got post!’
