Page 159 of The Sapphire Child
Stella trembled. ‘It was a declaration of love – he said he’d always been in love with me. Oh, Esmie, it was the most wonderful letter but it broke me in pieces because I thought he was dead! I was in hell thinking I’d never see him again or have the chance to tell him that I felt the same.’
Esmie touched Stella’s shoulder. ‘But he’s not dead, and you will have the chance to tell him – if that’s how you truly feel.’
‘Yes!’ Stella was choked. She wiped at her eyes. ‘And yet...’
‘What?’ Esmie asked. ‘Tell me.’
‘He wrote that letter in January, never intending to send it,’ Stella said. ‘I don’t doubt it’s from the heart but it was only to be a message from beyond the grave.’
‘What are you saying?’
‘That he might feel differently now. Even though he loves me, he might still care for Felicity too – enough to feel he has to honour his promise to marry her. And I wouldn’t want to stand in Andrew’s way if he does still want to go back to Scotland and his fiancée.’
Esmie sighed. ‘I don’t know what is in Andrew’s mind – neither of us do. But we’ll face it together, lassie. All I want just now is to get him safely home.’
Stella smiled and squeezed her hand. ‘So do I.’
Just at that moment, Gabina returned with Belle. The little girl bowled in, cheeks pink with running around, and thrust a posy of wild flowers at Esmie.
‘Meemee, flowers!’
Esmie gasped in delight. ‘Thank you, wee lamb. They’re lovely. Can I give some to Stella? She loves flowers too.’
The girl looked at Stella, assessing her, and then nodded. She grabbed at the posy, pulling a couple of heads off the daisies, and thrust them at Stella. ‘This for you.’
‘Thank you, Belle.’ She couldn’t resist touching her daughter’s cheek. The skin was soft and warm, just as she’d remembered it.
The girl turned and skipped off to join Gabina.
Stella looked at Esmie. ‘She calls you Meemee,’ she said quietly.
Esmie nodded. ‘I didn’t feel it was right that she called me Mummy or Mamma. Tom and I both agreed that I should be her Meemee.’
Stella smiled. ‘Just like you are for Andrew.’
‘Yes, just like.’ Esmie smiled back.
Chapter 60
To keep their frantic minds occupied, Esmie and Stella threw their energies into preparing the hotel for the season. Stella wrote to Major Maclagan telling him the wonderful news about Andrew’s survival and asking permission to stay until after her friend’s return to Gulmarg. While she awaited his reply, she busied herself with the myriad jobs that she knew so well. A week later a letter came from the major, joyful at her news and telling her to stay as long as needs be; he would find a temporary secretary in the meantime.
While Stella had sleepless nights worrying over Andrew and wondering if they could possibly have a future together – daring to hope that they might – she found huge comfort in being with Belle. Each day she grew to know her daughter better and relished playing with her. For the first few days, the girl was a little shy of her and would hover around Gabina or Esmie, peering at Stella in curiosity.
But soon she was running up to Stella when she caught sight of her, shouting, ‘Auntie S’ella! Come on!’
Stella would thrill at the sound of her excited cry and the way the small girl took her by the hand and led her to see a snail on the garden wall or to play with the wooden mouse.
She thought her heart would burst the first time Belle climbed onto her lap and relaxed against her. Stella sang her nursery rhymes and they did hand claps together. She didn’t want to think beyondthe present or having to return to Delhi without her daughter. As the snowline receded and the margs burst into full flower, she determined to enjoy this gift of time with Belle in this heavenly spot.
Halfway through May, Esmie heard from Tom. Andrew was being discharged from hospital and sent on leave. If all went to plan, they would be back in Gulmarg by the end of the week.
That Friday, Stella thought how Gulmarg was looking at its most beautiful for Andrew’s return. Was he already in Srinagar? What was he feeling? This would be his first time back in Kashmir since he left as a thirteen-year-old – it would be a very emotional moment for him.
Or would his thoughts already be racing to Scotland and a life post-war? She had no idea if Andrew’s injuries would prevent him from staying in the army. She knew how important his army career was to him and worried at what losing it would mean. Stella pushed away troubling thoughts; the main thing was that he was safe and alive and coming back to his family.
Stella looked at Belle’s animated face as the girl babbled and chased after butterflies. How she hoped that Andrew would accept the girl as part of his family.
She found the wait unbearable. Only playing with Belle kept her mind half-occupied, but after the girl had had her tea and Gabina had taken her for a bath before bed, there were still two hours of daylight left – and no arrival from Srinagar.
