Page 100 of The Sapphire Child
‘You’re not going anywhere in your condition.’ Tom was firm. ‘I’ll make the journey to Srinagar – I can pick up extra supplies while I’m there. And I’ll put in a call to the Raj and assure your mother that all is well.’
‘Thank you,’ Stella said, curbing her frustration at not going too. Despite her swelling womb and growing tiredness, she hated the enforced idleness but knew that at six months pregnant she would only be a liability to Tom if she went.
For four days Esmie and Stella looked out anxiously for Tom’s return as the snow around the house deepened and the tracks down the mountainside disappeared. Then on a clear crisp December day, they spotted a distant blanket-wrapped man zigzagging between the chalets with a mule laden with supplies. Even though clothed like a native, they recognised Tom’s tall lean figure.
Esmie pulled on her boots, coat and hat and went to meet him. When Stella tried to follow, Esmie was firm. ‘We’re not going to risk you slipping on the icy paths. Stay with Karo and I’ll be back soon.’
It seemed an eternity before they appeared outside the small chalet. While Bijal led the mule away to be unloaded, Tom and Esmie came inside, wafting in cold air and stamping the snow off their boots.
Stella could see immediately from Esmie’s expression that she had momentous news.
‘Tell me!’ she urged. ‘Have you heard back from Calcutta?’
‘No,’ Tom answered, shedding his thick woollen blanket. ‘But this was at the post office waiting to be delivered.’ From his jacket he pulled out an airmail letter. ‘It’s for you – from Singapore.’
Stella stood up so fast she went dizzy. Tom reached out to steady her.
‘Sit down, lassie,’ Esmie urged. ‘Karo, will you bring us tea, please?’
The servant nodded and left the room.
Tom guided her into a comfortable chair and handed her the letter. Stella gulped for breath. The writing on the envelope was Hugh’s. At last! Not waiting for Esmie to fetch a letter opener, she tore it open.
The Lomaxes went to sit by the fire. She pulled out two flimsy pieces of paper with shaking hands. She saw that it was dated before the invasion of Malaya in Hugh’s large expansive writing.
My darling girl,
Your letter was awaiting me on my return to Singapore. I’m furious with Lamont for failing to pass on that you had been trying to contact me by telegram. Useless man! But what a letter!
I can’t pretend I wasn’t shocked by the news – dumbfounded even. I thought I had been careful, but then passion for you must have clouded my senses.
How long ago that seemed now! She read on eagerly.
But what’s happened has happened and we will face the future together.
Stella put a hand to her chest to still her hammering heart; rereading the words with exultation:‘... face the future together.’
She turned over to the next page. The writing was smaller and more closely written.
Now, my darling Stella, I have a confession to make. I feel terrible that you have to hear this in a letter and not in person. If I’d had more time with you in Gulmarg I would have spoken of this sooner – there’s a little fly in the ointment to our being married. You see, although I have long been estranged from her, I have a wife in Ireland. I haven’t lived with her as her husband for years – she refused to live in India and sometimes I even forget she exists. Rest assured I will divorce her as soon as I can – and it does not alter for one moment my desire to spend the rest of my life with you. I cannot wait for us to be reunited – and plan to leave Singapore as soon as possible but it may not be for several weeks, maybe months.
Stella was winded by shock. She thought she would vomit. Pressing a hand over her mouth she read on in utter disbelief.
I know this might come as a blow to you, dear Stella, and it does not help your ‘delicate’ position at this point in time. I must thank the Lomaxes for taking care of you for me – perhaps they can advise you on what to do. I can’t help feeling that it might be for the best if you place your baby in the care of others. I’m sorry that this complicated situation has arisen. Please write back and assure me that you don’t hate me for this.
Someday soon, we will be together. I am still committed to marrying you, Stella, I promise. Perhaps in the meantime we could pretend we are married? After all, you told me that’s what the Lomaxes did for years. If you are as set on keepingthe baby as you say you are, then I encourage you to wear a wedding band. I will put my name to it when it is born, no matter what happens.
Take care of yourself, my green-eyed girl.
With all my love,
Hugh xxx
Stella sat with the letter on her lap, stunned, her head spinning with what she had just read. She didn’t know what to think. The letter was a mass of contradictions. In one sentence Hugh was dropping the bombshell that he was married to a woman in Ireland and in another promising that he still loved her and wished to marry her. He advised her to give away the baby –herbaby, he called it – and then backtracked and said if she wanted to keep it then to pretend they were married and he’d give it his name.
A part of Stella desperately latched onto this idea. Why not? As he said, the Lomaxes had lived with the pretence of being married. But just as quickly she dismissed it. The lies had eaten away at Tom and Esmie’s relationship and had shattered the trust of their beloved Andrew. She felt ashamed that she had ever told Hugh their secret. Besides, her mother and family would see through the ruse at once; a feeble attempt to cover up that she was having a child out of wedlock.
Panic overwhelmed her.
