Page 35 of Risk
“I do,” I acknowledge. “Fuck knows I’ve preached to you about not doing it more times than I can count.”
“But you didn’t think a woman would do that to a man,” she reasons.
“No, I didn’t. In my warped way of thinking, I believed that only a man would do that to a woman to make her vulnerable and an easy target for him to take advantage of. Never in my lifetime did I think I’d fall prey to a female looking to do that to me.”
“Ugh!” she cries out. “You weren’t acting like you were drugged, Risk! If I’d thought for one moment that you were, I would have gone on a rampage!”
“I didn’t realize it until after Conan sat me down after you left and forced me to talk about it. When I explained the sensations I felt and how I couldn’t seem to stop myself from doing what she was leading me to do, he put two and two together. I knew something was wrong the next morning, that I hadn’t been acting like myself the night before, but I was too busy hating myself to stop and think.”
“Risk,” she whispers, tears sliding unchecked down her cheeks. Unable to resist comforting her, I reach out and drag her into my arms and begin rubbing my hand up and down her back.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
McKenna
My entire body is vibrating.What would make a woman stoop down to that lower level of hell? You don’t think about women being as sexually deviant and predatory as some men are when it comes to that way of conducting themselves. It’s unfathomable. “But you don’t know for sure that’s what happened?”
“No, I don’t. Too much time had passed, so if she had drugged me, it would’ve been out of my system by then and wouldn’t have showed up on any blood tests. All we have are suspicions. It’s not an excuse, Kenna. That’s not what I’m trying to do here. What happened was wrong, and I’m putting the blame where it belongs… on me.”
“If you were, that changes things, Risk.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he passionately denies. “I still accepted that drink from a woman who wasn’t you, I still devoured it… I’m guilty of those crimes, Kenna, and nothing you can say will deviate from the truth of it.”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “You’ve always had problems saying no to the opposite sex. You never like disappointing women or hurting their feelings.”
“Correction,used to. I used to have problems saying no. After that ordeal, that mindset changed,” he tells me. “I don’t suffer from that ailment anymore.”
“Unless it’s someone you trust,” I remind him.
“Unless it’s someone I trust,” he parrots. “But those women are far and few between. It boils down to three women I’d trust that way. Luna, Demi, and you… that’s it. Luna because she wouldn’t hurt a fly unless you hurt her man or baby. Demi, because she had that exact thing happen to her and she’d never turn the tables and do it to somebody else. And you… well, that doesn’t need an explanation, you’d never do anything to hurt me.”
“Never,” I pledge. “I’d never sink to that level and do that to anyone, most especially, not to you.”
“I don’t know how to make that memory better for you, Kenna. How can we move forward when what I did is always looming in the back of your mind. How do I regain your trust so we can try to become a family again?”
“I don’t know… time maybe? Now that I understand you may not have done what you did with the intention to deliberately hurt me, it changes things for me like I mentioned earlier. I’m not saying I can give you one hundred percent of my trust, but I think we can get there eventually.”
“I have nothing but time,” he states. “If you think you can forgive me, no matter how long it takes, I’ll wait. I’m not going anywhere, Vixen. Not even a bulldozer can force me to leave. As far as Phoenix goes, I’m starting to comprehend here and therewhy you kept him from me. Idon’twholeheartedly agree with the decision you made concerning him and keeping us apart, but if I had to choose to put him first and keep him safe no matter what the repercussions were, I’d do it.”
Huffing, I rebut, “Don’t give me too much credit, Risk. Some of it was payback, whether that was intentional or not, it was. Don’t put a halo over my head, mister. I don’t deserve it. I’m a petty bitch, and a part of me celebrated the fact that I had a piece of you that you didn’t know about. While I was locked up in the psych ward, I changed my mind and after a time, self-loathing set in which is why once I was released I was determined to find you and tell you everything. Even if that meant you’d take Phoenix away from me and never let me see him again. In my heart of hearts, I knew he’d be safest with you, but I’d already made my bed and when Marshall found me, I was forced to lie in it.”
“Fucking Marshall,” he spits out my tormentors name like it’s poison on his tongue. “I’m counting down the days until he crawls out of the woodwork and I can squash him like the bug he is.”
“Still can’t find him, huh?” I ask. “I warned y’all he has friends in places that’ll no doubt keep him hidden until he’s ready to make a move.”
“You did,” he admits, grabbing both of my hands with his and cupping them together until they’re one. “And he may be biding time by hiding like the coward he is, but once he resurfaces, he’s going to have no other alternative than to face the jury, a panel of his peers… my brothers, and his executioner… me.”
“What about the men in his organization and his protectors, what are you going to do about them to keep the club, our son,me, and my mom from becoming targets?” I ask, needing to know the game plan. It’s crucial that I’m prepared for whatever the fallout may be.
“We’re still digging around to find out who they are. Once that discovery is made, they’ll be taken care of, Vixen.”
“Taken care of how, Risk?”
“Can’t tell you that, baby girl. I’m sorry, but–”
Lifting my head higher in the air, I set my chin in a stubborn position and finish his sentence for him. “Club business. I remember that old song and dance. It’s always felt like a ball and chain in our relationship, dragging us down. Something for you to hide behind.”
