Page 87 of Heal You
“Wanting to present as the couple you and Gillian have always known.Wanting to pretend that life was just perfectly fine.”
“I don’t think it’s pathetic at all.I think we all want our marriage to work, and when things go wrong, it’s hard to open up about it.”Finn lifted a shoulder.“I’m sure you look back now and see things you didn’t see before.Moments when you realised you weren’t as happy as you thought you were.”
“I’m having a lot of those moments lately.”
Finn took Jan’s hand this time.“Are you happy now, Jan?”
Jan beamed a smile as she nodded.“So happy.”
“Yeah?”Finn’s smile mirrored Jan’s.“Good.That’s good.”
“When I walked into the office that day and Gareth came to see me, I didn’t think I’d be happy ever again.I knew I didn’t want to give Phil another chance, and I wanted the divorce the moment I knew the truth, but happiness wasn’t something I had any intention of trying to find.Morgan just…came out of nowhere.”Jan allowed herself a moment to appreciate everything Morgan had done for her.She smiled and dipped her head.“Even though I knew her as the owner of The Corner, that was the extent of it.”
“She is great.I know I said some things to you that likely resulted in you walking away, and I know I said one or two things that were…well, terrible things to say about a friend, but sheisgreat.”
“She didn’t take advantage of me, and she didn’t use my situation to get whatever she wanted out of all of this.She…I don’t even know how to explain it.She was there for me on a level I never once expected.”
“I’ve never seen her so chilled out and enjoying life.”Finn grinned.“She’s always been a workaholic, and I was forever teasing her about settling down, but seeing her with you at the bar last week was eye-opening for me.”Finn relaxed back into her seat, the tension in the air no longer lingering.“You mean a lot to her, Jan.”
“We make one another happy, and that’s all I care about.I don’t need huge declarations, and I don’t need someone to try too hard.I just needed exactly what she gave me, and that wastime.All I wanted was time before I came to you and Gillian.”Jan would never expect anyone to hide who they were or sneak around for her, but Morgan had done so without even being asked in the beginning.“I don’t know what the future looks like right now, but Morgan will be in it for as long as I can have her.”
“Wearehappy for you both.Now that the shock has worn off, we’re really happy for you.”
“Thank you.”
“Would you maybe call us when you think we could all get together and go for dinner or something?”Finn asked, that apprehension still in her eyes.
“Absolutely.I’ll speak to Morgan tonight and find out when she’s available.”
“Okay, but if she doesn’t want to, would you at least keep in touch with Gillian?As I said, I’ll make myself scarce if that’s for the best, but Gillian misses you a lot.I do too, but I made my bed and now I have to lie in it.”
As Finn got to her feet, Jan did, too.No matter what, she wasn’t losing anyone she cared about.Jan opened her arms to Finn and smiled.“Come here.Everything is going to be okay.”
Finn stepped towards Jan and accepted the hug.She sniffled when she rested her chin on Jan’s shoulder, sighing as she relaxed against her.“I’m so sorry, Jan.”
“I know you are.”With a final squeeze, Jan drew back and cupped Finn’s face.“We carry on as normal, okay?”
“Okay.”Finn reached for her jacket and threw a thumb over her shoulder.“I’ll head off, but you know where we are if you need anything.”
As Finn strode down the long hallway, Jan cleared her throat.“Hey, Finn?”
“Yeah?”Finn turned with one arm through her jacket.
“How do you know when the moment is right?”
Finn stared back at Jan, utterly confused.“The…moment?”
“W-when did you know you were in love with Gill?”
The confusion clouding Finn’s eyes quickly lifted, and her brows rose.“O-oh.Um, I think I knew I loved Gillian long before we were actually together.It was hard not to fall in love with her.”Finn shrugged.“But I don’t think you can really base it on our relationship.We spent so long trying to know what the right thing was that I probably told her I loved her a lot later than I would have liked to, you know?”
“It’s just…I want Morgan to know what she means to me, but I’m worried it’s too soon.”Jan wasn’t a fool, she knew she’d only separated from her husband near on three months ago, but did that really matter?If she was in love with someone, then surely it was okay to speak it out loud.“I’m worried she won’t feel the same way…or that she’ll think I’m being ridiculous for feeling the way I do when I only signed my divorce papers the week before we worked things out.”
“You want my advice?”Finn smiled when Jan nodded.“Life is too short tonotsay what you’re feeling, Jan.Dave was plotting to set Gillian’s house on fire while we were figuring out how to be together, so yeah…you should say what you’re feeling when the moment is right for you.”Finn stepped towards Jan and squeezed her hand.“Fuck what anyone else thinks.If you’re in love with Morgan, then you do what feels right toyou.”
“It’s that easy?”
“Not always, but we don’t need to make things harder than they already are.”Finn let go of Jan’s hand and opened the front door.“Whatever happens, though,do nottell Gillian I knew you were in love with Morgan before she did.I’ll never hear the end of it.”
